The Nanny (1993–1999)

Charles Shaughnessy: Maxwell Sheffield, Sultan of Koorestan, Young James Sheffield

Photos 

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Quotes 

• Max : Niles, I don't know what the woman wants anymore! What am I supposed to do?

  Niles : May I speak freely, sir?

  Max : Yes, of course old boy.

  Niles : [with rising irritation as he speaks, making Max back up]  I am so bloody sick of hearing this year after year! 'Niles, what am I to do?', 'I told her I loved her!' 'I took it back!', 'I'm afraid of commitment', 'I'm worried about the children'

  Niles : [Max has fallen onto the office couch. Niles hauls him up by the lapels]  For God's sake, MAKE A MOVE! DO SOMETHING! YOU PASSED ON 'CATS', DO YOU WANT TO REGRET THIS FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE TOO?

  [lets him fall back onto the couch, stunned] 

  C.C. : [storms out and meets C.C. in the hall]  What's going on in there?

  Niles : Oh, I have had it! I am trying to convince him to give up on Miss Fine and move on with his life!

  C.C. : [barges into the office]  I AGREE WITH NILES! WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? JUST DO IT, DO IT, DO IT!

  [Niles walks away smugly] 

• Mr. Sheffield : Miss Fine, what are you doing here?

  Fran : Well, I heard moaning and screaming coming from your room and I figured... I should be part of it.

• Mr. Sheffield : Can you keep a secret?

  Niles : Well, I'm good until I meet the next person.

• Mr. Sheffield : He can't make you happy.

  Fran : I don't wanna be happy. I wanna be married!

• Max : Where the devil is C.C.?

  Niles : Well, Sir, it is raining outside... maybe she melted?

  [pause] 

  Niles : Shall I look outside for a pointy hat and Chanel suit?

• Max : Accidents happen, you know.

  Niles : [points at C.C]  Exhibit A.

• Max : [drinking a hangover-remedy]  Urgh, Niles, it's far too early in the morning for something this repulsive.

  Niles : [C.C. enters; Niles walks up to her]  Mr. Sheffield wants you to go home and come back in an hour.

• Max : [Fran is standing at the door, waiting for a celebrity she isn't allowed to meet]  Miss Fine!

  Fran : I'm seeing the children off to school.

  Max : They left an hour ago!

  Fran : It's a clear day, I can see forever.

• Max : Niles, we're having company!

  Niles : [to Fran]  Thirty years and he still thinks company excites me.

• [Fran has accidentally run over a rabbit] 

  Max : It's not like rabbits are endangered species. All they do is mate.

  Fran : Well, aint that nice. I killed an animal with a better social life than me.

• Max : Oh Niles, what is it this time? Your job, your weight, no future?

  Niles : Well, Sir, I was just wondering why I have no social life but you cleared that right up for me.

• Fran : You know, I've got half a mind...

  Max : No argument there!

• [repeated line] 

  Mr. Sheffield : [yells angrily]  MISS FINE!

• Max : I'm going to ask Fran to sign a prenuptial agreement.

  Niles : [deadpan]  Why don't you just walk through downtown Iraq dressed like Uncle Sam. It'll be quicker.

• Max : If I found a woman who loved my children, could make me laugh and that I found attractive, well, I'd never let her go.

  [puts his arm around Fran's shoulders and gets his watch caught on her] 

  Fran : Oh, we're stuck on each other.

• Max : [Brighton has asked to go to Atlantic City, and has pitted Max and Fran against each other by saying that Max doesn't respect her opinion]  I am his father!

  Fran : Well, what am I?

  Max : You're the nanny!

  Fran : [gasps]  You called me the "N" word! Did you head that, Niles?

  Niles : Do you get the house in the settlement?

  Fran : Uh-huh!

  Niles : [pops his head out from behind a wall]  Every word!

• Max : [Niles has brought a little tree that Fran had and is going to put in onto the terrace of Max's office where C.C. is smoking]  Niles, get that *hideous* thing off the terrace.

  Niles : [turns to C.C]  Mr. Sheffield wants you off the terrace.

• [after accidentally baby-napping a child] 

  Fran : I wonder if I'll ever really be a mother?

  Max : Well, there's always the subway.

  Fran : No way. Forget it. The next time I bring home a baby it's gonna be after nine months of swollen ankles and an epidural that could bring down Secretariat.

• Max : Well, I've made up my mind. I can't risk Margaret spending her entire vacation kissing that boy... I'm sending her abroad.

  Fran : A broad? Well, if you wanna swing her that way...

• Max : You are going to *rectify* this situation!

  Fran : Wow, that sounds painful...

• Fran : [about Max]  What are you listening to him for? He passed on Cats!

  Max : It was about a bunch of pussy cats singing in a garbage can. What would you do?

  Fran : Two words, Mr. Sheffield: still running.

• Max : [after seeing Fran's cousin Ira's impersonation of Cher]  Where was the last place HE passed for Cher, SEA WORLD?

• Fran : [about Max's childhood nanny, who is visiting]  Meanwhile, she's scaring Gracie to death with those stories about that fat bear who can't even get through the door every time he has a decent meal.

  Max : Are you talking about Winnie The Pooh?

  Fran : Yeah, him. And who in his right mind would call a boy Winnie, let alone The Pooh?

  Max : Most children love those stories!

  Fran : Far be it for me to poo-poo the Pooh.

• Fran : You shouldn't leave the house with things unresolved. That's why men die young.

  Max : That's not why. Because they want to.

• Max : [to Fran, who has her hair straight instead of teased out]  You know, you're looking quite lovely this evening.

  Fran : You mean with the hair?

  Max : Oh, I like it. You can actually see over your head.

• Max : [to Fran]  Have you seen Gracie's Halloween costume? She looks a bit more like a trick than a treat.

• Max : [Niles is making Max look bad]  Niles, why don't you close the window before your Christmas bonus flies out the window?