Dumb and Dumber (1994)

Mike Starr: Joe Mentalino

Photos 

Quotes 

• Lloyd Christmas : [Reaching over Joe Mantelino]  You're it.

  Harry Dunne : You're it.

  Lloyd Christmas : You're it, quitsies!

  Harry Dunne : Anti-quitsies, you're it, quitsies, no anti-quitsies, no startsies!

  Lloyd Christmas : You can't do that!

  Harry Dunne : Can too!

  Lloyd Christmas : Cannot, stamp it!

  Harry Dunne : Can too, double stamp it, no erasies!

  Lloyd Christmas : Cannot, triple stamp, no erasies, Touch blue make it true.

  Harry Dunne : No, you can't do that... you can't triple stamp a double stamp, you can't triple stamp a double stamp! Lloyd!

  Lloyd Christmas : [hands over ears]  LA LA LA LA LA LA!

  Harry Dunne : LLOYD! LLOYD! LLOYD!

  Joe Mentalino : GUYS! ENOUGH!

• Harry Dunne : Would you like an atomic pepper, Mr. Mentalino?

  Joe Mentalino : Nah, you guys go ahead.

  Harry Dunne : I'll do it if you will, Lloyd.

  Lloyd Christmas : Okay. You go first.

  Harry Dunne : No no. You go first.

  Lloyd Christmas : You go first.

  Harry Dunne : You go first! I always go first!

  Lloyd Christmas : You go first!

  Joe Mentalino : Why don't you guys both stop acting like a couple of pussies and go at the same time, huh?

  Lloyd Christmas : That sounds like a dare, Har.

  Joe Mentalino : It's a *double* dare!

  Harry Dunne : Yeah, okay. You're on!

• Joe Mentalino : Guys! Guys! Guys! Fellas... you think we could listen to the radio or something?

  Lloyd Christmas : Radio? Who needs a radio? Ready, Harry?

  [Lloyd and Harry start singing "Mockingbird"] 

• [checking Harry & Lloyd's apartment] 

  Joe Mentalino : Briefcase ain't here, they must've taken it with them.

  J.P. Shay : Well, he's gotta come home sometime.

  Joe Mentalino : Maybe we should trash the place, send them a little message.

  J.P. Shay : [looks around]  I don't think he's gonna get that message Joe, I mean, the guy's got worms in his living room.

• Joe Mentalino : Gas man. How the hell did they know that I got gas?

• Joe Mentalino : Shut up! Now we don't even know who the hell they are! You don't kill people you don't know. That's a rule.

• Joe Mentalino : Feeling better, girls?

  Harry Dunne : Yes, much better! Thank you for asking!

• Joe Mentalino : So why are you guys going to Aspen? Vacation?

  Lloyd Christmas : [Lloyd and Harry just sabotaged his burger with atomic peppers and are snickering]  Why don't you eat up, and we'll tell ya.

  Joe Mentalino : It just doesn't seem like you packed match. All I saw was one bag and a briefcase.

  Harry Dunne : Well, no, no. The briefcase isn't even ours. Some lady left it at that airport. We're just bring it back to her. How's your burger?

  Joe Mentalino : You mean, you don't even know her? I mean talk about being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

• Anxious Man at Phone : [pacing outside of phone booth occupied by Mental]  I had plans. I had things I wanted to do. This is where it all ends in a phone booth.

  [bangs on the glass] 

  Anxious Man at Phone : Sir, did you ever hear of the concept of "other people"? Um, me, being that for the phone, sir...

  [Mental ignores him] 

  Anxious Man at Phone : You turned your back on me, Ooh Ooh! He got me mad, I almost like it.

  [starts to bang on glass again] 

  Anxious Man at Phone : [Bangs on glass with each sentence]  The damage I can do to you. Because you were spiteful. I didn't wanna... That's not your problem. You didn't know... Get off the phone.

  [Acts like he can't hear him and motions for him to step closer] 

  Anxious Man at Phone : Get off - the - pho...

  Joe Mentalino : [Punches through the glass, knocking the man unconscious]  I'm sorry, Mr. Andre, you were saying?

• Nicholas Andre : [Over the phone]  Don't forget that your bread plate is on the left! Look, I can't have these guys running around Aspen!

  Joe Mentalino : Don't worry. They ain't gonna be running around nowhere after I dump a little rat poison in their Shirley Temple.

• [Joe Mentalino is having an ulcer attack] 

  Lloyd Christmas : He's resisting me!

  Harry Dunne : Here.

  [puts some pills in Mentalino's mouth] 

  Harry Dunne : Here you go. Here you go. Here you go.

  Lloyd Christmas : Pills! Pills are good! Pills are good!

  Harry Dunne : Drink 'em down. There you go. There you go, big guy. You want some ketchup and mustard? That helped us.

  [Mentalino sees the rat poison bottle] 

  Joe Mentalino : Son of a bitch!

  [stomach gurgles and he dies] 

  Lloyd Christmas : Check, please.