Love and a .45 (1994)

Gil Bellows: Watty Watts

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Quotes 

• Watty Watts : [narrating]  When I was a young boy... my granddaddy, who had been a professional bounty hunter, he said to me, he said: "Watty, only two things you need in life to get by on this planet: Love and a 45."

• Billy Mack Black : [Offering Watty some sort of drug]  Hey, man, you sure you don't want any of this?

  Watty Watts : I don't think it's such a good idea for you to be doin' that shit before a job.

  Billy Mack Black : Cleans out my brain.

  Watty Watts : Turns your brain into chewing gum.

• Watty Watts : Oh, Christ, Billy. What have you done?

  Billy Mack Black : Oh shit! I think I shot her!

  Watty Watts : Do you hear that sound? It's the fuckin' cops... and you just blew your girlfriend's brains all over the place.

  Billy Mack Black : She saw my face, man!

  Watty Watts : Shut up!

• Watty Watts : [Narrating]  I regretted having to fork Billy in the neck, but, I swear to God, he'd have shot me if I hadn't. I'd often liked Billy, but he was crazy... And I hoped that he was killed.

• Starlene Cheatham : Watty, are you shittin' me? You're gonna' take me to Mexico?

  Watty Watts : You know you don't have to come with me, Star.

  Starlene Cheatham : Baby, I'd follow you to Oklahoma!

• Watty Watts : [while robbing a convenience store]  I got two pieces of advice for you, small fry: Never believe a word anyone says... and never rob a store with a loaded gun. Never!

  Young Clerk : Yes, sir.

  Watty Watts : That way no one gets hurt.

• Watty Watts : [narrating]  To find one's place in the infinity of being, one must be able to go separate and be united. You see, if you want something in life, you gotta go out there and take it. Nobody's gonna' hand it to you on a plate.

• Watty Watts : [Narrating]  Her name is Starlene Cheatham. I'm Watty Watts. We specialize in 'Risk Management.'

• Watty Watts : Well, if it ain't my favorite two homicidal maniacs... Creepy Cody and Dinosaur Bob. How're you boys doin'?

• Starlene Cheatham : Hey, Watt, who was that?

  Watty Watts : Two asshole Bible salesmen.

  Starlene Cheatham : What'd they want?

  Watty Watts : To save my soul.

• Watty Watts : I've got a problematical situation going on. I borrowed two thousand dollars from Father Pecro to buy that wedding ring.

  Billy Mack Black : See, you're a stupid asshole.

  Watty Watts : Well, I couldn't help it, man, it was on sale.

• Watty Watts : [Narrating]  Up until now, I always considered myself happy. I had a beautiful girlfriend... a car and a trailer home. But at this moment I knew my life had taken an unwelcome turn. I'd been a con and a thief for twenty-five years, but I never hurt no one. Billy had violated the code: he'd packed a loaded gun. Speed-snortin' psychopath sittin' next to me, had interrupted the flow of my happiness. He had killed someone in my presence... and in all likelihood, my life had been fucked.

• Watty Watts : You're crazier than a road lizard, Billy.

• Watty Watts : Well, I've been livin' the straight and narrow so why don't you take your chicken-fried, crypto-fascist ass, out of my fuckin' house before I call the cops.

  Ranger X : We ARE the cops, shit brain.

• Ranger X : [Holding his pistol point-blank at Watty's head]  You know what it feels like to hold a gun up to a punk's head?

  Watty Watts : [Unfazed]  I don't really like guns.

  Ranger X : It feels real good!

• Ranger X : [to Watty]  You see, I'm on the right side of the law. That means I can get away with murder. "Course, you bein' on the wrong side... that puts you in rather a bad pinch, don't it? I can smell that job all over you, Watts. Like a six-day-old pair of underwear.

  Watty Watts : I didn't do shit, man.

• Watty Watts : [narrating]  Billy had been right. Once you smell someone fryin'... you can't ever think clearly again.

• Watty Watts : Looks like it's gonna' be a shotgun weddin', hon.

• Watty Watts : [Narrating]  Vergil ripped his own throat open during a heavy acid trip in the early sixties. Vergil was born poor... and when he read that the government was paying students to participate in experiments with psychedelic drugs... he volunteered. They dosed him with something called BZ... Vergil lost it. He won a huge settlement in court... which allowed him to live well without workin'. Later in his life, Vergil lost the function in his legs due to an amphetamine addiction he acquired while tryin' to lose weight so he could avoid the draft. He threw a clot and lost the use of his legs. But Star's parents have never been addicts... they're just handicapped, suburban hippies.

• Vergil Cheatham : The only way out is in.

  Thaylene Cheatham : Praise the Lord!

  Vergil Cheatham : And the only way to get there is to free yourself... to face the seething, bloodthirsty darkness in your own heart... Have you ever faced yourself in a mirror and gesticulated like a madman, Watty?

  Watty Watts : [Somewhat bemused]  Well, Vergil, I can't say I have, as of yet.

  Vergil Cheatham : Until you do, you are nothing. And until you embrace the eternal nothingness of your existence, you will NOT BE FREE! Do you follow my lead?

  Watty Watts : [Still bemused]  Well, yeah, Vergil, I think that I do... uh, I'm nothin'... 'til I'm nothin'.

  Vergil Cheatham : [Beaming proudly]  Right on!

• Watty Watts : [narrating]  We had lost our way. But we would find ourselves in Mexico. I would work as an auto mechanic and Star would appear on a Mexican talk show and all of the infinite possibilities of a straight new life would spread out before us like an ever-expanding pool of blood. I thought of the people who had died, and I could hear all of their voices screaming in my head. Screaming that death... Is not sweet.

  [facing each other in the convertible, the sunlight dazzling on her hair] 

  Watty Watts : I didn't know where we were going. I didn't really know where we had been.

  [they drive off] 

  Watty Watts : But I know that we were going together. And...

  [Starlene throws her arms into the air, elated] 

  Watty Watts : for just a fleeting moment, I felt that we were free... Really free.

  [car driving off, cresting a hill in a cinematic purple drug-induced haze, end of movie, credits roll] 

• Watty Watts : [cleaning the pistol, speaking narrative:]  Cool nickel-plated .45 burnin' in my hand. I prayed that I wouldn't have to shoot no one with it, but I know that I would kill twelve men dead before I'd ever let Star face the cold steel bars of a jail cell.

  [slipping the snout of the pistol into the back of his trousers, then leaning in over Star's long-legged sleeping figure] 

  Watty Watts : Okay, baby, this is what we gotta do, we'll cash the check, we'll cross the border, we'll be sipping margaritas by sunset.

  Starlene Cheatham : [waking up]  Mm? Baby?

  Watty Watts : Yeah?

  Starlene Cheatham : Mm. I was havin' a dream about you.

  Watty Watts : Uh-huh. Good dream?

  Starlene Cheatham : Uhm. We were movie stars.

  Watty Watts : You're the movie star, baby.

• Ranger X : [after punching Watty, questioning him about a robbery where a sheriff's daughter was shot]  And seeing as the Sheriff of Creedmore happens to be my brother, well, what do you think that makes that dead little girl to me, Watts?

  Watty Watts : Your wife?

  Ranger X : [Ranger X punches Watty again]  That's right, that makes her my niece. And what does that mean? Well, that means I might have to smoke the low-rent punk that blew her away. And seeing as I got my sights on you, you mgiht want to consider something very seriously. See, as I'm on the right side of the law, that means I can get away with murder. Of course, you being on the wrong side, that puts you in rather a bad pinch, doesn't it?

• Starlene Cheatham : Would you come here and hold me?

  Watty Watts : Uh-huh.

  [caresses her thigh] 

  Starlene Cheatham : Do you love me, Watty?

  Watty Watts : More than anything, honey?

  Starlene Cheatham : More than your car likes oil?

  Watty Watts : More than my car likes oil.

  Starlene Cheatham : More than even a preacher loves God?

  Watty Watts : More than Jimmy Swaggart loves to sweat.

  Starlene Cheatham : Well, I think you better kiss me then, huh?

  [passionate kissing ensues] 

• Watty Watts : [outside the bank, before sending in Starlene:]  Make sure you get them travellers' checks. We don't wanna get ripped off.