Test Tube Teens from the Year 2000 (Video 1994) Poster

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6/10
The argument for the continued existence of "MST3K"
johnnysugar7 November 2003
"Mystery Science Theatre 3000", or "MST3K" as it's known to its fans, was unceremoniously taken off the air several years ago, much to the dismay of film geeks like myself. This wonderful show took horrid, so-bad-they're-hilarious films and inserted its own irreverent commentary, well before such features were common on DVDs (or even before DVDs existed). At 74 minutes, David DeCoteau's (under one of his several aliases) opus "Test Tube Teens From The Year 2000" (aka "Virgin Hunters") is a perfect excuse to bring the show back, as it's tailor made for a fresh commentary by Mike/Joel and the 'bots. There's even room for commercials!

In the year 2019, an American corporation has overtaken the globe. At the behest of board member Camella Swales (Morgan Fairchild), Supercorp has banned sex in all its forms, resulting in humans being grown from test tubes (hence the confusing title...the protagonists were birthed in the year 2000). A professor who's part of an underground resistance (Ian Abercrombie) sends two of his students back in time to stop this from happening: the cute-but-geeky Naldo (Brian Bremer) and hunky lunkhead Vin (Christopher Wolf). They are followed by their friend Reena (Sara Suzanne Brown) and a killer cyborg (Don Dowe). Back in 1994, the test tube teens must stop Camella, then the head of an all-girls academy, from ever attaining the power that will lead her to ban sex. Much hilarity and female nudity ensue.

By all rights, this film should be at best awful. The sets, script, effects, and actors are all on a strict budget, and it shows, quite painfully in some cases. But the film is highly enjoyable despite itself. One reason is its mercifully short length (and even then the plot seems stretched too thin) and the other is the winning attitudes of all the actors involved. Everyone in the film seems like they're enjoying themselves and are honestly trying to bring through a good performance. Nobody brings this across more than Fairchild, who seems to relish playing the icy Camella Swales with a tightly-wound bliss. Both Bremer and Wolf are also quite enjoyable and charming, and it helps that Wolf is an absolutely gorgeous man. There are also moments of genuine humor, especially through Dowe's hilarious Arnold Schwarzenegger impression as the killer android.

When bad films take themselves too seriously, they're painful to sit through, such as the ponderous and dreadful "The Hulk." But when they keep their tongues in cheek and just have fun with themselves, they're actually quite enjoyable. "Test Tube Teens" falls firmly into the latter category, and it's all the better for it. Especially if you're trapped on a satellite with two wise-cracking robots. 6 out of 10.
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8/10
Another fun trip down late night cable memory lane
PhysicalMedia4Ever31 December 2023
Before anything else: if you're a fan of this movie, this disc (from Full Moon) is the one you want. The A/V quality is decent, plus they included the old Videozone feature. The version that you'll find on DVD with "Rebecca's Secret" does not have it, and the PQ is subpar. Both versions are uncensored.

With that out of the way: I recommend this to anyone who enjoys early 90s sex comedies. Like Dave DeCoteau's other early entries in the Torchlight (now Surrender Cinema) line, this flick is all about goofy, lighthearted fun. "Beach Babes From Beyond" is still the best, but this one ties with "Beach Babes 2" for second place. I hope it gets the BD treatment some day. Like those other films, this one is thick with 1993-94 nostalgia, which I really enjoyed. This film is basically a sexy spoof of "The Terminator" and "Sorority Boys" (although the latter movie was early 2000s). I was (pleasantly) surprised at how much skin was shown, and how erotic the spicy scenes were. DeCoteau's got a great eye for flesh, I'll give him that. All the ladies are lovely, but the real standout was Tamara Tohill as Samantha. Sadly, this was her only film.

You may have read rumors about Morgan Fairchild being upset with Charles Brand about this movie. If true, one possible reason is the scene where the guys are reprogramming the Lex 500. A prop nudie magazine is used, with her face pasted over the faces of the models. That one scene alone made this movie worth buying.

Some of the better dialogue:

Maggie (Michele Matheson): "Would you mind telling me why you're fixing him?" (the Lex 500, played by Don Dowe)

Naldo (Brian Bremer): "Well, Maggie, I'm reprogramming him to go after Swales." (Morgan Fairchild)

Maggie: "You mean, you're going to have him...terminate her?"

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Like I said, goofy sense of fun. Also terrific is Ian Abercrombie, best known as Mr. Pitt from the Seinfled TV series.

If you're looking for a short, "turn off your brain and enjoy" movie, look no further.
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7/10
Better than 90% of the stupid teen comedies with better budgets
fanorr1 April 2019
I swear! It was very short, but the pace was fast and wasted no time. The best camp has to be played straight and all the actors did so. No real graphic sex, just innuendo and lots of exposed breasts. I got a kick out of most of the jokes. It was definitely 80s humor. Its a small piece of candy, not a steak dinner. Come take the low budget ride.
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6/10
cheap thrills, no frills, good gags!
mightywillg27 September 2001
Some films you know are pretty bad, but you can't help liking, even loving in some small, affectatious kind of way. Test Tube Teens from the Year 2000 (or the even more stupid sounding 'virgin hunters' as it's known in my backwards homeland) is, in a nutshell, juvenile. It rivals the Porky's films (and even it's army of even shallower imitators)for it's juvenile attitude to sex and the whole man-woman thing, but has a few aces up it's sleeve.

Firstly the sci-fi twist helps; starting in the nearish future in a world where corporations have taken over from governments and, for reasons never adequetly explained, sex has been banned. This is all thanks to "an uptight bitch named Camella Swales" played by one Morgan Fairchild (how in Jesus's name she got hooked into doing this one will never know), so a group of freedom fighters inspired by a rebellious high-school lecturer, played by the always enjoyable Ian Abercrombie (who later played one of Elaine's bosses in Sienfeld!), decide to go back in time Arnie style and kick Morgan's ass!

The only thing that slows this film down are the frequent soft-core fantasy sex sequences. (The only decent one is in the first five minutes with the utterly gorgeous Sarah Suzzane Brown, who's also likeable as the heroine.) Best to fast-forward through these utterly un-erotic affairs and get back to what this film does best - being funny. There's a good spoof of Arnold Schwarzawhatever (an actor who in my opinion can never be rediculed enough) in a terminator-style character sent to get the time-travelling teens, but who eventually steals Ms Fairchilds heart with his cybernetic man-love. And there's plenty of other gags and nice little touches worth seeing it for - just don't spend more than a few bucks on it, ok?
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