Trapped in Paradise (1994)

Dana Carvey: Alvin Firpo

Photos 

Quotes 

• Bill Firpo : What are you doing?

  Alvin Firpo : You do what you do, I do what I do.

  Bill Firpo : Well. That enhances my state of security.

• Bill Firpo : Which direction are we going?

  Alvin Firpo : North.

  Bill Firpo : Are you sure? I thought we passed that farmhouse earlier.

  Dave Firpo : No, those farmhouses all look alike...

  Bill Firpo : Alvin, if we're going in circles, I'm going to break your neck.

  Alvin Firpo : We're not. I took four lefts, just like the map said.

  Bill Firpo : FOUR LEFTS IS A CIRCLE, YOU IDIOT.

• Bill Firpo : I've got a feeling you're not telling me something.

  Dave Firpo : Well this feeling you're getting is paranoia.

  Alvin Firpo : Hey, let's just go.

• Alvin Firpo : Have you seen my Pez dispenser?

  Dave Firpo : No. Shut up!

• Alvin Firpo : [handing his gun to a random guy so he can steal his scrapple]  Hold that? Mmm... yeah, scrapple. A little salt never hurt anybody.

  Bill Firpo : What are you doing?

  Alvin Firpo : I'm eatin' scrapple. It's got scallions.

• Alvin Firpo : Hey Dave, can we stop off and get some Ring Dings and milk?

  Bill Firpo : Ring Dings and milk? Oh sure. Then well get some balloons and go to the puppet show. What are you, two years old?

• Alvin Firpo : I'd like to say my 'preciation for your hospitableness.

• Shaddus Peyser : Put an APB out on that car.

  Chief Burnell : Oh well I've already done that.

  Shaddus Peyser : Good. We'll be able to track them down especially if they're heading north.

  Bill Firpo : [next scene with Alvin driving]  Alvin, which way are we headed?

  Alvin Firpo : North.

• Alvin Firpo : I'll never forget you Merlin.

• Bill Firpo : I'm tellin' ya, if I had a gun on me right now I'd go in there and take over that place.

  Dave Firpo : Bill, you wouldn't be angry if I were to tell you there might be guns in the trunk.

  Bill Firpo : Alvin pull the car over.

  Alvin Firpo : Wha?

  Bill Firpo : Pull it over!

• [singing to himself in the car] 

  Alvin Firpo : You do what you do and I do what I do... you do what you do and I do what I do, I'm Alvin, and you're Bill.

  [Bill walks by and kicks the car, annoyed] 

• Alvin Firpo : [driving away from Bill, Dave, and the car accidents he just caused]  You want a piece of that? Kiss my ass.

• Alvin Firpo : [after crashing car]  Didn't have any snow chains.

  Dave Firpo : You have no brain, either.

• Alvin Firpo : [panicking]  I can't go back to prison. I learned my lesson already.

  Ma Firpo : [to Vic]  Look what you started, you big gorilla.

  Vic Mazzucci : Look what I started? I don't know what you're talking about.

  Caesar Spinoza : Your idiot sons. If it wasn't for them, we'd be in prison without a care in the world.

  Ma Firpo : If it wasn't for your goddamn, long-winged, piece-of-shit, letter whining about how your daughter doesn't come to visit you no more, I never would've sent my boys down here in the first place.

  Vic Mazzucci : I never wrote any letter.

  [Bill stops pacing as he and Ma realize something and turn their attention toward Dave] 

  Dave Firpo : [chuckles nervously]  Ma. Who wrote what to whom? It's a moot point at this juncture. Don't you think? Especially given the gravity of the situation... outside.

  Bill Firpo : [disgusted]  It just never ends with you.