The Drew Carey Show (1995–2004)
Kathy Kinney: Mimi Bobeck Carey, Mimi Bobeck
Photos
Quotes
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[Upon seeing Drew's look-alike]
Mimi Bobeck : So much crap they had to start a second pile.
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[Drew and his scouts are singing a "special" song]
Drew Carey : Who's that in the office, stinking up the place? Mimi! Mimi! Your butt looks like your face!
[Drew realizes that he's the only one singing]
Drew Carey : What the hell are you?
Timmy : A good scout never insults people.
Drew Carey : Yeah, but that's thing, Timmy.
[gestures towards Mimi]
Drew Carey : That's not people.
Mimi Bobeck : You know, kids, Drew's head is just like a piñata. If you hit his head enough times when he's sleeping, candy comes out.
[the kids gasp]
Mimi Bobeck : Well, first blood, then candy. Keep hitting.
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Mimi Bobeck : Ah, spring. When a young man's fancy turns my stomach.
Drew Carey : When was the last time you saw a young man's fancy?
Mimi Bobeck : When was the last time you saw *your* fancy?
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Mimi Bobeck : Write down a number you think is fair... and shove it up your ass!
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Mimi Bobeck : You're late.
Drew Carey : I had a hard time getting out of bed this morning.
Mimi Bobeck : Remember, lift with the knees.
Drew Carey : You know, I had such a great time with my band last night that even seeing you couldn't affect it. OK, that's not true.
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Mimi Bobeck : Your lips say goodbye, but your ass says, still here!
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Mimi Bobeck : I cracked Mr. Wick's secret password. It's "Mr. Wick".
Drew Carey : He might as well just use the word "password".
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Mimi Bobeck : I have obsessive compulsive disorder. I have to do everything in threes. That's kinda how I got my reputation in school as a slut.
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[On Drew's learning that his ex-girlfriend was getting married]
Mimi Bobeck : Drew, look into my eyes and tell me you don't feel like crying.
Drew Carey : There's not a man alive who could pass that test, Mimi.
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Mimi Bobeck : Bite me, pig!
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Mimi Bobeck : This prank brought to you by Mimi Bobek. Bobek - humiliating pigs since 1995.
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Mimi Bobeck : MR. WICK! Drew's too fat to do his job!
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[after Drew grabs one of Mimi's trolls]
Mimi Bobeck : Hey! Don't touch the troll!
Drew Carey : Is that what your mother told your dates?
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[about her baseball playing]
Mimi Bobeck : I protect home plate, like a Mormon girl on prom night.
Drew Carey : If Mormon girls looked like you, they wouldn't need protection.
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[Drew and Mimi signed a truce, forbidding them to play pranks on each other]
Mimi Bobeck : Oops. Clumsy me. I just dropped a pen. I'm just gonna have to bend over and pick it up. Thus, leaving my butt open to a kick, stabbing, or the possible application of a humorous bumper sticker.
[bends over]
Drew Carey : I'm warning you, Mimi. You're waving a steak in front of a hungry dog... God, I want to hurt that butt!
Mimi Bobeck : It wants to be hurt!
Lewis Kiniski : [to Oswald] What are we watching here?
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Mimi Bobeck : I have a fertility problem. The doctor told me to take fertility pills.
Drew Carey : How many more do you have to take, before you become a woman?
Mimi Bobeck : If I wasn't feeling so lady-like right now, I'd bitch slap you all the way to the coffee machine.
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Mimi Bobeck : Look at this- champagne, scented candles, Barry White CD's. Either you and O'Brien are going to do it, or it's gotten to the point where you have to get your hand in the mood.
Drew Carey : It's called romance. Not all of us can make our asses glow red to attract a mate.
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Kim Harvey : Drew Allison Carey, what have you done?
Mimi Bobeck : Allison? All three of his names are girl names!
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Mimi Bobeck : Steve! If you don't come out of this bathroom, I'm burning this house down!
Drew Carey : She'll do it, too! You saw what she did to her face!
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Drew Carey : Wendy, this thing here is Mimi.
Wendy : Hello.
Mimi Bobeck : Hi! I'm Mimi! If you ever need a friend, or want to talk... Well, too damn bad!
[Wendy leaves]
Drew Carey : Mimi, she's new in town, she's short on money, she doesn't have any friends. I guess what I'm trying to say is... Thanks for taking it easy on her.
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Mimi Bobeck : Your brother turned me inside out last night.
Drew Carey : How can you tell?
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Mimi Bobeck : Ok, if we do this, we do this right. Nicki, you're 'Cobra'.
Kate O'Brien : Cool, we get nicknames. What's mine?
Mimi Bobeck : How about 'Girl who's only nice to me when she needs something'?
Kate O'Brien : Nah, too long.
Mimi Bobeck : How about 'Tramp'?
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[In a bar, Mr. Wick gives the check to Mimi]
Mimi Bobeck : A lady never pays!
Nigel Wick : A lady doesn't shave her armpits in the car, on the way over.
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Steve Carey : It's a boy! We're having a boy!
[Drew comes in]
Mimi Bobeck : Actually, I'm glad it's not a girl. After all, what woman could live up to this beauty?
Drew Carey : All women, most men and some horses. Good morning.
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Jenny : I can sleep with whoever I want to!
Drew Carey : You were going to sleep with me?
Mimi Bobeck : You'll sleep with him over my dead body!
Drew Carey : I'm having the best day ever!
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[Nikki and Kate both married Drew at the same time]
Mimi Bobeck : And the award for the dumbest woman of all time goes to... Oh, my god. This almost never happens- IT'S A TIE!
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[Mimi bought the house next to the Warsaw]
Mimi Bobeck : [to Drew] Whenever you drink a beer, I'll be here. Whenever you take a bite of a cheeseburger, I'll be here. Whenever you... what else do you do here?
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[Mimi gets hit in the face with a pie]
Mimi Bobeck : Ha ha. A cream pie. Very funny.
Drew Carey : Actually, that's a cold cream pie.
Mimi Bobeck : COLD CREAM! I will get you back for this, Drew. From hell's heart, I stabeth thee, pig!
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[Mimi fires Drew]
Mimi Bobeck : Security! Operation Luau! Come and get the PIG! This is not a drill!
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Kate O'Brien : Um, no, I can't, Mrs. Louder. Because I unfortunately wasted $40 on a list of fake excuses. Oh crap.
Mimi Bobeck : Thanks for coming to Mimi's! Where every customer is a sucker.
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[Drew, Kate, and Lewis are looking for bar suggestions from Mimi]
Mimi Bobeck : All right, three places come up. The Warsaw Tavern, Mr. C's South Side Lonely Hearts Dance Club, and some place called "We Rent Boats". Apparently, they sell beer there.
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[Drew's brother is wearing a dress]
Mimi Bobeck : Hey, Drew's brother is all right. Any man who can wear heels like that on ice? Proud to call sister.
Steve Carey : Sister? That's what they called me at hockey camp.
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Mimi Bobeck : Hey, Drew, I got something for you to wear in prison.
[pulls out a wedding veil and laughs]
Drew Carey : I'll still need it before you do.
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Mimi Bobeck : Oh, and I booked a massage for you this afternoon.
Drew Carey : Wait a minute, you want me to believe that I'm going to lie down naked on a table and nothing's going to happen?
Mimi Bobeck : Does it ever?
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Mrs. Louder : Mimi! You're fired.
Mimi Bobeck : For what?
Mrs. Louder : For having the nerve to ask me to speak at a seminar for "Women in their 90's".
Mimi Bobeck : You're reading it wrong. It's supposed to say "Women in the 90's."
Mrs. Louder : Oh, well count me in, then.
[leaves]
Mimi Bobeck : [to Drew] Actually, it really was supposed to say "Women in their 90's".
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Mimi Bobeck : Somewhere in the world, there's a very lucky girl... who's gonna date the lesbian you'll create tonight.
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[Lewis and Oswald have a picture of Drew skinny dipping]
Mimi Bobeck : Hey, losers poker! What's the winning hand?
Lewis Kiniski : Read this and weep.
Mimi Bobeck : Oh geez.
[faints]
Drew Carey : Quick, somebody tag her before the dart wears off.
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Mimi Bobeck : And I sent him to the middle of China to die!
Mr. Wick : Good lord, Mimi, that's kidnapping! You could get into serious trouble for that!
[tries to hold laughter]
Mr. Wick : Carey... in China! Excuse me!
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[plotting a sexual harassment scheme]
Mr. Wick : Where do we do it, though? We have to do it some place that management doesn't know about.
Mimi Bobeck : Drew's cubicle.
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Mimi Bobeck : Why do you have to fly first class?
Mr. Wick : I have a medical condition, I'm a snob.
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[Drew brings Pastor Lindemann to his office]
Drew Carey : Right over here, Pastor. All right, you can start the exorcism.
[Mimi's back is turned]
Pastor Lindemann : But that's just a woman.
[Mimi turns around and speaks in a hoarse voice]
Mimi Bobeck : What do you want?
Pastor Lindemann : I think we're gonna need a Catholic for this one.
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Mimi Bobeck : They even sent a car for me.
Drew Carey : Oh, too bad it missed.
