- [on the phone]
- Marty: Grabelski! What the hell's going on? Some guy on TV said you killed somebody!
- Max: I know, but it's not true. I was set up. I gotta know if there's another package for Timberline Inc., to Reinhart Bragdon.
- Marty: What the hell's Reinhart Bragdon got to do with anything?
- Max: Because that's the guy I killed!
- Marty: Oh, so you did kill somebody.
- Max: No, I told you I was framed!
- Fishman: Sir, would it be ok if we called you Spider?
- Max: Why the h - - would you wanna call me that?
- Gordy: Because it's your nick name.
- Max: Well fine then. Call me Spider!
- Fishman: Spider. Spider. Spider!
- Max: WHAT?
- Fishman: How come your nick name's Spider?
- Max: Because I once killed a kid who called me Spider, one time too many!
- Fishman: Yeah, but how could he call you Spider one time too many if your nick name wasn't already Spider?
- Jack Erickson: God bless those little scouts!
- Agent Palmer: What? What do you see?
- Jack Erickson: Smoke signals! Right by the book.
- Agent Palmer: Oh, yeah!
- Jack Erickson: Well, almost.
- Agent Palmer: What do they say?
- Jack Erickson: Belp! Belp!
- Dana's father: What the hell gave you the right to take away Dana?
- Mrs. Patterson: He had a permission slip like everyone else.
- Dana's father: You don't know the difference between my signature and a little ten year olds?
- [Boys are peeing off of a ledge]
- Max: Shake your lizards, let 'em drain. Move your hips and...
- Everyone: Spell your name!
- Max: Send it straight, send it hard. Now a sword fight, go...
- Everyone: On guard!
- Max: Eat your veggies, eat your starches. Lean back boys...
- Everyone: Golden arches!
- Max: Alright! Now flip them and zip them and let's get going!
- Max: Now you are going to pretend to be me.
- Jack Erickson: Give yourself up boy.
- Max: Gimme that glue!
- Jack Erickson: You still have a chance to be a fine young scout!
- Max: Where is that glue?
- Jack Erickson: Top pocket.
- Max: Put your palms up.
- [spits off the top of the glue and spreads glue on the wheel]
- Max: Now grab hold of the wheel.
- Jack Erickson: Are you nuts?
- Max: I said grab the wheel. Come on, I have a gun for Christ sake!
- Jack Erickson: You're going to pay for this mister
- Max: [spreads glue on top of the wheel] Now put your chin there.
- Jack Erickson: You know this stuff is permanent.
- Max: Do it!
- Jack Erickson: Ohh sh... Hey! I can't drive like this!
- Max: Keep heading south and don't stop driving until you get to Mexico and I'm going to be right behind you the whole time.
- [removes the rear view mirror]
- Max: Don't try any funny and I'll blow your butt off, got it?
- Jack Erickson: Yeah I got it, keep driving, no funny stuff, blow butt off.
- Max: [hesitates then answers] Right!
- Max: [walks out of a tobacco station and reads the note on the car window] I am an inconsiderate person?
- [Jack comes out of the door]
- Max: Hey, Sgt. Doofus, did you paste that note onto my window?
- Jack Erickson: That's right, cupcake!
- [looking at a Playboy]
- Ralph: Whoa! Whoa! Let me see. I bet you've never seen anything like this before, huh, Barnhill. You probably don't even know about the birds and the bees, you butthead.
- Kelsey: Oh, and you do?
- Ralph: Yeah. That's right, I do.
- Kelsey: Oh yeah? Go ahead and explain it to us.
- Ralph: Well, I... Uh, I know it's about making babies. And I know it takes a man *and* a woman to make it work right. And that they both have to go into a room. And they both take their shirts off.
- Fishman: No! No, no, no. The man doesn't have to take his shirt off. Just the woman!
- Gordy: My mom says the guy who's taking us has hiked all over the world.
- Barnhill: I'm sure he won't be half as good as the guy me and my dad had on our trip to the Serengeti.
- Ralph: Barnhill, if you're dad is so friggin' cool, then why isn't he our scout leader?
- Barnhill: Oh yeah. Spies have a lot of time for the scouts.
- Jack Erickson: Let's get vertical.
- [starts climbing]
- Agent Palmer: You expect me to climb up there with just my hands?
- Jack Erickson: That's right, dough boy, that's the way to do it.
- Agent Palmer: How about when you get to the top you throw me down a ladder?
- Max Grabelski: What did you call me?
- Milton Fishman: Uh, I called you, Polinski. I had a Dr. Polinski once. I don't know why but you sorta remind me of him.
- Max Grabelski: No... . you called me Grabelski. How did you know my name?
- Max Grabelski: How did you know my name? I want some answers!
- Kid in Car: [after Max steals a lady's blue Volvo car to get to Devils Peak] Hey, mister.
- Max: [turns around] Huh?
- Kid in Car: [in the back seat with a banana] I gotta make a dookie.
- [Max gives the kid a very disgusted look]
- Kid in Car: I gotta make a dookie!
- Max: [Having a difficult time trying to untie Mrs. Patterson who is roped to a chair] So, it's not a figure-eight, it's not a butterfly, and it's not a fisherman's.
- Reinhart Bragdon: It's a clove hitch.
- Max: Ah. Thank you.
- [Realizes Bragdon is behind them and panics]
- Reinhart Bragdon: [Aiming a pistol at Max] I learned it in the Scouts.
- Reinhart Bragdon: It shouldn't be this hard to kill six little Scouts and one moron.
- Agent Palmer: Relax. What we couldn't do, Mother Nature did for us.
- [Palmer shoves Max towards a helicopter at gunpoint]
- Max: What is with you and the pushing? I want to speak to your superior! Is that him?
- [Bragdon gets out of the helicopter and faces Max and Palmer]
- Max: Mr. Bragdon? Mr. Bragdon! You're alive!
- [turns to Palmer]
- Max: Hey, he's alive!
- Reinhart Bragdon: Hello, Maxwell.
- Max: Listen, it's over.
- [points at Palmer]
- Max: This guy is an FBI agent. You gotta give yourself up! So what? So the plan blew up in your face! The important thing is, you have your health.
- [notices Bragdon's smile]
- Max: And... your teeth.
- [realising]
- Max: Wait a minute. Your teeth? I thought they found your teeth in the fire.
- Reinhart Bragdon: Yes, it was a bit inconvenient having them all pulled, but at a million dollars a tooth...
- [smiles]
- Reinhart Bragdon: . I think it was well worth it.
- Max: Huh?
- Reinhart Bragdon: Kill him.
- Max: Kill him?
- [points at Palmer]
- Max: I can't kill *him*! He's just doing his job!
- Reinhart Bragdon: [chuckling] No, no, Maxwell, not him.
- [coldly]
- Reinhart Bragdon: You.
- Max: Me?
- [turns to face Palmer, who has his gun aimed between Max's eyes]
- Max: Wait a minute.
- [faces Bragdon]
- Max: You guys are in this together?
- [points at Palmer]
- Max: He's in on this?
- [Bragdon nods; Max faces Palmer; points at Bragdon]
- Max: And you were with him?
- [Palmer nods]
- Max: Ooh!
- Reinhart Bragdon: [to Palmer] And when you're done with him, make sure you kill the kids.
- Max: [horrified] The kids?
- Agent Palmer: [shoves Max away] Come on, move it!