Clueless (1995)

Dan Hedaya: Mel Horowitz

Photos 

Quotes 

• Mel : Hey you, anything happens to my daughter, I got a .45 and a shovel, I doubt anybody would miss you.

• Mel : What the hell is that?

  Cher : A dress.

  Mel : Says who?

  Cher : Calvin Klein.

• Mel : Which reminds me, where's your report card?

  Cher : It's not ready yet.

  Mel : What do you mean, "it's not ready yet?"

  Cher : Well, some teachers are trying to low-ball me, Daddy. And I know how you say, "Never accept a first offer", so I figure these grades are just a jumping off point to start negotiations.

• Mel : You mean to tell me that you argued your way from a C+ to an A-?

  Cher : Totally based on my powers of persuasion, you proud?

  Mel : Honey, I couldn't be happier than if they were based on real grades.

• Mel : Do you know what time it is?

  Cher : A watch doesn't really go with this outfit, daddy.

• Mel : [on the phone]  Do you know what time it is?

  Cher : A watch doesn't really go with this outfit, Daddy.

  Mel : Where are you?

  Cher : I'm just having a snack at my girlfriend's.

  Mel : Where, in Kuwait?

  Cher : Is that in the Valley?

• Mel : What's with you, kid? You think the death of Sammy Davis left an opening in the Rat Pack?

• Mel : I'd like to see you have a little direction.

  Cher : I have direction!

  Josh : Yeah, towards the mall.

• Cher : I'm captain of the Pismo Beach disaster relief.

  Mel : I don't think they need your skis.

  Cher : Daddy, some people lost all their belongings. Don't you think that includes athletic equipment?

• Cher : "Second notice on three outstanding tickets." I don't remember getting a first notice.

  Mel : The ticket is the first notice! I didn't even know you could get tickets without a license.

  Cher : Oh, you can get tickets anytime.

• Cher : Hi, Daddy, this is my friend, Tai.

  Mel : [shouts]  Get out of my chair!

• Josh : I think I'd really like to check out Environmental Law.

  Mel : Why? You want to have a miserable, frustrating life?

  Cher : Oh, Josh will have that no matter what he does.

  Mel : At least he knows what he's doing. And he's in a good college. I'd like to see you have a little bit of direction.

  Cher : I have direction.

  Josh : Yeah, towards the mall.

• Mel : So, what did you do in school today?

  Cher : Well, I broke in my purple clogs.

• Mel : Josh, are you still growing? You look taller than you did at Easter.

  Josh : I don't think so.

  Mel : Doesn't he look bigger?

  Cher : His head does.

• Mel : Don't tell me those brain-dead lowlifes are calling me again.

  Cher : They *are* your parents.

• Mel : You drink?

  Christian : No, thanks. I'm cool.

  Mel : I'm not offering. I'm asking you if you drink. You think I offer alcohol to teenage drivers taking my daughter out?

  Christian : Hey man, the protective vibe. I dig.

• Mel : I expect you to walk through this door in twenty minutes.

  Cher : It might take longer than that Dad.

  Mel : Everywhere in L.A takes twenty minutes.

• Mel : We're going to have a NICE FAMILY MEAL.

• Cher : Daddy!

  Mel : Cher, please don't start with the juice again

  Cher : Daddy you need your vitamin C

• Mel : What the hell is that?

  Cher : A dress.

  Mel : Says who?

  Cher : Calvin Klein.

  Mel : It looks like underwear. Go upstairs and put something over it.

  Cher : Duh, I was just going to.

• Mel : Josh is in town, he's coming for dinner.

  Cher : Why?

  Mel : He's your stepbrother.

  Cher : But, you were hardly even married to his mother and that was five years ago. Why do l have to see Josh?

  Mel : You divorce wives, not children.