Mon, Jan 12, 1998
After a failed table-spread trick before the arrival of his new magic kit, the 'Great Simoni' can't convince Ruthie to act as his assistant because she'd rather wear the cape even without aspiring to become a magician; Lucy's grades slip as she starts hanging out with 'the laid-back crowd'; Eric's church is in the running for weekly local TV broadcasts if next Sunday's liturgy goes well, and he obsesses over writing the perfect sermon; Mary considers quitting basketball when Coach Koper is focused on a new star player; while Annie spends a long day running errands, Matt bows out of keeping order at home. After Ruthie answers a phone call from the Colonel and tells him what's going on, he turns up unexpectedly to 'assume domestic command.'
Mon, Jan 19, 1998
Simon get sort of addicted to golf, which causes trouble for him, Ruthie and various glass within their hitting reach. Matt and Lucy are fed up with Mary's adoration for coach Koper, whom they mistrust and dislike because of his condescending attitude towards English pupil Matt, who nevertheless does well on a James Joyce book-report. Mary sides with him when the siblings cry wolf over a hug but when she suddenly changes her tune after a shoulder massage, even the principal turns on Koper without any proof or actual incident. Eric hounds Lou, who insists the expenses for the nearly unattended Wednesday service can no longer be justified, to see the books. Annie finds $2,500 are missing but by the time the full truth gets known, both must side with 'thief' Lou and his secretly hard-tested family.
Mon, Jan 26, 1998
Simon and Ruthie's hope to keep the pair of 'pet' lizards a classmate of her offered for free are frustrated. Jimmy Moon has dumped his girl, so Lucy hopes to get him back at last, but 'biker' Rod decides it's time to make his move too. Matt and Mary coach different suitors, while Simon takes betting scores. Eric's group session for couples who married the last year starts bored, but soon unleashes frustrations with all of them. He brings Annie along as 'good example', but her surprise-visiting pa's offer to have them buried alongside him causes frictions in their own marriage.
Mon, Feb 2, 1998
Matt is as surprised about the sudden stream of calls from girls as his sisters about the cause, a dating ad in the school paper he knew nothing about, yet the editor refuses to retract it. Simon and Ruthie try out a pet products credit-card sent on dog Happy's name. Eric abuses a health crisis of tax official Smith, who is near retirement, to make him rectify an erroneous tax debt transfer.
Mon, Feb 9, 1998
Even bright teacher's pet Simon is terrified by new bully science teacher Hunter to the point of faking illness to avoid a private meeting with her about his solar system model, which actually is part of a superb presentation. Softie Matt already turned down dates to the party after Mary's return to the basketball team, yet she complains to everyone, even hunky jock ex Richard, who ends up making her day.
Thu, Feb 26, 1998
The reverends get their spouses to handle the annual two-families-day so they can go play pool. In fact Morgan arranges finally to meet his wife's ex Kevin, who turns out to be a happily remarried Vietnam vet in a wheelchair. As Eric expected, all kids want to do things without any parents, so only the youngest are dragged to a cartoon movie by the moms. Simon is excited about his first 'making out' party, yet terrified when it's time to step into the closet and probably kiss. Scott is 14 but looks 18 and tutors Lucy maths just so he can successfully treat Mary to a date, only to be kept on a string. Matt is surprised that the jazz club John dragged him to is his mate's singer career bid launchpad, unamused to be asked as support against Morgan. Lucy has her own date Rick, but chose the same cinema as Annie.
Mon, Mar 2, 1998
After Simon's school project volcano is carelessly ruined by brainless Ruthie, it's time for him to move to his own room. He's less happy with the isolated attic he's supposed to go to, but Matt agrees to move there and hand over his room, eager to 'move' to an out of state college anyway. Wilson calls Mary, but only to babysit Billy while he takes his date to her prom. Despite home advice, Mary performs miserably, yet Wilson returns early, having decided he only wants a girl who tells he family about Billy. Lucy desperately recruits enough big sibling support to get permission to go eat in town with two 'cool' sisters. Being driven in their car is forbidden, which turns out to be a life-saver, alas literally, leaving a guilt problem.
Mon, Apr 6, 1998
French exchange student Guillaume 'Guy' need a host family stat, so Eric volunteers his, without consulting anyone. Only the teenage daughters approve, given the French's lover reputation. That's also why Matt worries and volunteers as chaperone, only to find his date Michelle prefers Paris memories to 'plain' Matt's company. It's worst for Simon, who has to move back with Ruthie so long and gets tempted by her, yet blamed alone, to smoking the cigarettes they 'find' in Guy's luggage. Yet Guy is the first to lose his patience with all those 'stupid Americans'.
Mon, Apr 13, 1998
Simon finds little Sarah James wandering around on the streets and warmly wins her confidence while Eric and a cop friend search and find her pa, Joe, an unrepentant lush and decide that she needs a more stable environment. Meanwhile, Annie makes a last-ditch stand to talk Matt out of "moving out" to a Tennessee college; and Matt rudely intrudes on Ruthie's first "date", then scares off his own older date, Molly.
Mon, May 4, 1998
Matt is edgy, telling only his sibling he found an out of state summer job so he'll leave home in days, not months. Simon finds a brilliant trick to train happy for a TV pet food commercial, but there's a stage-fright complication. Mary rudely scolds Matt, unlike Wilson who leaves diplomatically, for getting physical at home, but her doctor notifies she's pregnant. Lucy cruelly keeps suitors Jimmy and Rod, who both chose Eric as career day model, dangling, but Wilson, who appreciates her help with Billie, arranges a date with Kenny, whom she may really want.
Mon, May 11, 1998
Matt worries now he's about to leave home, as self-absorbed, phone-glued Mary hasn't even got a clue what's happening with their younger siblings, nor is any use for either. Simon is heart-broken when Happy's original family head Jack Martin turns up and returns with a lawyer to claim the dog back. Eric considers his parents's surprise visit awkward and pointless as Matt won't be around to hold his valedictorian speech. The colonel however takes charge of an operation dog rescue inspired by Jimmy and Rod. Those two also undo Lucy's idiotic dumping of Kenny for being 'too perfect to be interested in her' and hold a remarkable church sermon. Matt changes his plans after a call from the colonel, learning about it and Annie's confession that Mary's pregnancy diagnosis got mixed up with her real one.
Mon, Sep 21, 1998
Three months later, Annie is visibly pregnant and shamelessly complains, and acts as a tyrant to everyone, especially Eric, except for Ruthie who sympathizes with her pregnancy. Matt has given up on going to an out of state college, but not on moving out, so he accepts an invitation to become three girls' roommate, only to be blamed and expelled for their inability to resist his passive male charms. Lucy wins Mary's dare by snapping up an amazingly mature-built 17 year-old named Jordan. Eric's endless misery trying to follow Annie's inconsistent whims and finding an appropriate wedding anniversary gift seems endless, until the gynecological examination yields news that staggers everyone.
Mon, Oct 5, 1998
Matt enters a confidence crisis when a girl on campus turns him down for a date, so he asks for 'constructive criticism' at home. Simon feels guilty when Ruthie reacts to his warning that the twin babies will make parental attention scarce. So, she deliberately fails a test to make Annie study with her. Lucy's biology grades are disastrous and according to Mary the bad grades are due to Lucy's new 'best friend' Nicole Jacob. Mary also catches Nicole cutting herself.
Mon, Oct 12, 1998
Simon's classmate Mark Huff's father Carl is stopped by a light push from caring biology teacher Lane to storm at his boy. When Carl complains to the principal, Simon dares only say he didn't get a clear view, then feels morally guilty for not having prevented a fine teacher being suspended, later even dismissed. Eric finds out Carl is a domestic bully and gets Lane reinstated. Matt and his friend Scott misread apparently sexual signals from a teaching assistant, which causes repeated havoc for Matt. Rather then let Annie chose a disastrous 'pregnancy project', Eric arranges a handsome piano teacher, Josh, who flirtatiously restores her self-esteem.
Mon, Oct 19, 1998
When Mary triumphantly announces that she's earned her driving permit, Simon and Lucy announce that they're going to ride the school bus. The cool kids at the back of the bus ostracize Simon and Lucy doesn't fare any better when a presumptuous freshman puts the moves on her. Matt is on his way to school when he spots a pregnant girl stranded on the side of the road. When he takes a look under the hood of her broken down car, the girl takes off in his car. As the children pile off Simon's bus, a tough kid, Nick, starts to bully nerdy Marvin for a copy of his essay. Simon intervenes and suggests that Marvin help Nick write his own assignment and Nick gives Simon's plan a thumbs- up. Eric pays a call on Elizabeth Brown, a parishioner who lost her son three years ago. She tearfully confides that she just can't seem to get past her grief. Eric suggests that she spend a little time each day doing something for herself. Later at the beauty salon, Elizabeth overhears a woman joyfully exclaim how happy she is just to be alive. Elizabeth finds out that the woman had undergone a heart transplant. Matt is relieved when the police arrive on the scene of the car jacking, until they arrest him for suspicion of grand theft auto! Later, Elizabeth asks Eric if he would find out if the woman from the salon was the recipient of her son's heart. The next day, Eric meets Carolyn, who is upbeat and delightful, but not the recipient of Elizabeth's son's heart. Later, Eric and Sgt. Michaels track down Theresa, the pregnant teen who stole Matt's car, and set up a meeting with her parents. At school, the girlfriend of Lucy's freshman admirer warns her to quit riding the bus. Mary refuses to help Lucy because she's hurt that Lucy won't ride in the car with her. That evening, Theresa's parents arrive at the Camden's and remain cold and unrelenting. Two weeks later, Elizabeth, Carolyn and Theresa happily join Eric in his church office. Eric had suggested that Theresa move in with Elizabeth, and .. _
Mon, Nov 2, 1998
Preparations for grandpa Charles Jackson's wedding, to be celebrated by Eric on Veterans Day, go as bad as Annie predicted and hoped, albeit for different reasons and everyone ends up reconciled with it and each-other. Matt grudgingly takes flippant Mary on a road-trip, only to find her ignorance as bothersome as a flat. Simon deals with Howie's resurgence. Meanwhile World war II veteran sergeant Millard proves less willing to accept help he qualifies for the extending some to the wedding reception. Lucy is mortally embarrassed when Jordan corrects being presented as her boyfriend, but he only wants to clear the air concerning their past-only with Jimmy Moon first.
Mon, Nov 9, 1998
Simon is verbally threatened with gun-violence by Deena's ex-boyfriend, Johnny Morton. School regulations don't allow precipitous action, but Eric's police friend tells him Johnny has a record and his family owns a registered gun. Meanwhile, Jordan is patient with Lucy's weird idea about 'romantic' slapping; Mary's careless basketball blackens Matt's eye, but he thinks Mary might be in real danger if she dates Shana's suave but violent brother George.
Mon, Nov 16, 1998
After drinking Matt's coffee once, Simon fears to be addicted and acts accordingly. A natural, legal 'supplement' is offered to study-exhausted Matt by buddy Scott, whose father got it in a health store, and to Mary by over-competitive teammate Diane Butler, whose father uses it himself. Eric realizes it contains dangerous ephedrine. Eric's former rock band mates visit GlenOak. Matt sets something right. The Butlers are in for a shock as Diane suffers a fatal heart attack from the ephedrine.
Mon, Nov 23, 1998
Simon invests in a babysitting course, but pays dearly when he lets Annie talk him into trying out on Ruthie, who already abused every older sibling even when much younger. Matt desperately seeks inspiration for a college project on sexuality. Jordan patiently handles Lucy's insanely jealous and insecure worries after a -for him, unlike Mary, canceled- senior jocks sleepover until Matt comes to her 'rescue', then spontaneously braves Eric. Annie befriends pregnant teenagers in her infant care class.
Mon, Dec 14, 1998
Like every Christmas, Eric compromises the kids' fun by imposing 'voluntary good deeds' and cheating the draw of the family presents distribution. Matt is even pressed into a mall Santa job, with a jealously rebellious dwarf-size elf. Jordan can't avoid a family event and his gift for Lucy stirs more absurd speculations. Mary felt lucky the soup-kitchen she's pressed into happens to recruit hunky Carlos, a homeless Puerto Rican New Yorker who travels since his home break-up two years ago, but Eric arranges a speedy reconciliation. Simon takes it on himself to save Ruthie from losing faith in Santa. Eric and Annie's second-hand or home-made gifts rule bites them in the asses, yet 'Santa' rescues them.