Suddenly Susan (1996–2000)

Brooke Shields: Susan Keane

Photos 

Quotes 

• Susan : Maddy, we are all here to talk to you about what's been going on lately.

  Maddy : Okay, what's been going on lately?

  Vicki : Don't play dumb with us you lush, we're here about the booze!

• Susan : Hi, I'm Susan Keane. Suddenly Susan.

  Nate : Oh, you're the one banging the boss.

• Luis : Susan, where's your paper punch?

  Susan : Why don't you ask Vicki, she's been helping herself to a lot of my things lately.

  Vicki : Tell the paranoid tall girl I didn't take her paper punch. It threw itself at me.

• Susan : Vicki, have you seen my car keys?

  Vicki : No and you don't need to look in your purse or your jacket either.

  [Susan glares at her] 

  Vicki : I needed a mint!

  Susan : [sarcastic]  Well I hope you found one.

  Vicki : No, but at least you had enough money to buy some.

• Mrs Fong : There's a rumor going around the building that you're having a costume party.

  Susan : Mrs Fong, how can there be a rumor going around the building when it's just you and I that live here?

  Mrs Fong : Okay, let me rephrase that. I put this against the door and heard you on the phone.

• Jack : Hey, there's your man To-ny. Why don't you go say hi?

  Susan : Hey handsome.

  Tony : Will you give it up? I didn't want you last night. I don't want you today. And I wouldn't want you if we were two horny teenagers stranded on a desert island!

• Susan : Guys, I'm having a craving.

  Vicki : You're not having a craving, you're a pig!

• Girl in audience : So, do you need a college degree to work in a magazine?

  Vicki : No, not if you're sleeping with the boss.

  Susan : Excuse me!

  Luis : No, don't excuse it Vicki.

  Jack : Oh, shut up Luis.

  Luis : No, you shut up.

  Jack : You shut up.

  Vicki : [to Jack]  You shut up.

  Todd : [to Vicki]  You shut up!

  Vicki : [to Todd]  I'm on your side!

  Boy in audience : yeah, I'm confused... which one of you is sleeping with the boss?

• Susan : Of course I want to have kids. Everyone does.

  Oliver : No, no, not everyone...

  Susan : Well, normal people! Normal people who haven't run off and gotten themselves neutered!

• Susan : I was over Jack way before he was over me and now he's moving on first? It's wrong, it's just wrong!

  Maddy : I'll tell you what's wrong. Your lips are moving and sounds coming out.

• Susan : We don't need men to have a good time. We need men to take their clothes off!

• Susan : Woah! I think I'm gonna need a coffee so I can deal with that jacket.

  Vicki : Sure. I'll just get your hurtful bitch mug.

• Hollywood Hogan : You know it's people like you that sit around whining about what's wrong with the world that annoy me. Well, I don't whine sister, I kick ass, so what do you think about that?

  Susan : I'll tell you what I think about that, I'm gonna bury you.

  Hollywood Hogan : What does that mean?

  Susan : It means that I'm gonna run against you as supervisor and I'm gonna kick your ass!

• Oliver : Why did you say you agreed if you weren't going to listen to what I said?

  Susan : Because usually, you think what I think. That's what couples do. That's what we did. Until you invited half of San Francisco for six pieces of fish!

• Oliver : You didn't even know this guy. He could have been an axe murderer or anything.

  Susan : No, I asked him first!

• Zack Hayward : God, that moon is huge.

  Susan : You can see the moon through the fog?

  Zack Hayward : No, I'm talking about the guy flashing me from across the street.

• Susan : Wow, apologizing really makes me hungry, can I have some of this bacon?

  Vicki : Sure.

  Susan : Mmm, this is great. Who orders chocolate pudding and bacon?

  Vicki : I ordered the pudding. The bacon was here when I sat down.

• Susan : Oh come on, don't you just love this song?

  Geoffrey : [screams]  Turn that crap down!

  Susan : Pull your pants up!

• [Jack must choose between taking Susan on a date and going to a game] 

  Jack : Let's see...

  [takes out a coin] 

  Susan : You flip that coin, I'll kick your ass.

• Susan : Hey, I don't need Oliver. There are a lot of gorgeous guys in San Francisco.

  Vicki : Yeah, but they're all dating each other!

• Susan : I'm Susan Keane-Champion of the poor, the young, the elderly, the small business owners, the vegetarians, the meat eaters alike! All the people of this great city and I'm here to tell you that NOBODY KICKS MY ASS!

• Susan : It's career day at my old junior high. You're more than welcome to come.

  Maddy : Mmmmm... No thanks, I already have a career.

  Vicki : Yeah... office hag!

  Maddy : Vicki, I could responds to your childish remark by mentioning that your hair would embarrass a troll doll but I'm not going to sink to your level.

  Vicki : Hag!

  Maddy : Freak!

  Vicki : Skank!

  Maddy : Get a hat!

• Susan : I'm just a little concerned with what seems to be your growing obsession with my Nana.

  Vicki : That's ridiculous! Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to run down to Market Street. Helen should be on the number 20 bus and I want to be there to wave as she goes by.

  Susan : Sure, it's all fun and games until somebody needs a restraining order!

• Susan : Someone just faxed us their eighty five year old butt.