Suddenly Susan (1996–2000)

Kathy Griffin: Vicki Groener

Photos 

Quotes 

• Susan : Maddy, we are all here to talk to you about what's been going on lately.

  Maddy : Okay, what's been going on lately?

  Vicki : Don't play dumb with us you lush, we're here about the booze!

• Luis : Susan, where's your paper punch?

  Susan : Why don't you ask Vicki, she's been helping herself to a lot of my things lately.

  Vicki : Tell the paranoid tall girl I didn't take her paper punch. It threw itself at me.

• Susan : Vicki, have you seen my car keys?

  Vicki : No and you don't need to look in your purse or your jacket either.

  [Susan glares at her] 

  Vicki : I needed a mint!

  Susan : [sarcastic]  Well I hope you found one.

  Vicki : No, but at least you had enough money to buy some.

• Susan : Guys, I'm having a craving.

  Vicki : You're not having a craving, you're a pig!

• Girl in audience : So, do you need a college degree to work in a magazine?

  Vicki : No, not if you're sleeping with the boss.

  Susan : Excuse me!

  Luis : No, don't excuse it Vicki.

  Jack : Oh, shut up Luis.

  Luis : No, you shut up.

  Jack : You shut up.

  Vicki : [to Jack]  You shut up.

  Todd : [to Vicki]  You shut up!

  Vicki : [to Todd]  I'm on your side!

  Boy in audience : yeah, I'm confused... which one of you is sleeping with the boss?

• Vicki : Fine! I think I can get my own dry cleaning Polly! I don't need your help!

  Luis : Yeah! We're better people 'cause we butter our own bagels.

• Susan : Woah! I think I'm gonna need a coffee so I can deal with that jacket.

  Vicki : Sure. I'll just get your hurtful bitch mug.

• Nate : Vicki, you seem upset, is there something wrong?

  Vicki : Yeah, you! You're cheap, you eat the tops off the muffins, you stink up the place and you're ugly!

• Susan : Wow, apologizing really makes me hungry, can I have some of this bacon?

  Vicki : Sure.

  Susan : Mmm, this is great. Who orders chocolate pudding and bacon?

  Vicki : I ordered the pudding. The bacon was here when I sat down.

• Vicki : Hmm... a whole bagel when you usually scoop out the middle. Coffee, when you normally drink tea. This only adds up to one thing, you're having sex!

• Susan : Hey, I don't need Oliver. There are a lot of gorgeous guys in San Francisco.

  Vicki : Yeah, but they're all dating each other!

• [after Jack try's singing "Jingle Bells" for the Christmas Party at the hospital] 

  Vicki : This just in from my ears: "OUCH!"

• Vicki : I'm sorry, I didn't see the sign, "Welcome to Susanville, population: 1 insane bitch!

• Susan : It's career day at my old junior high. You're more than welcome to come.

  Maddy : Mmmmm... No thanks, I already have a career.

  Vicki : Yeah... office hag!

  Maddy : Vicki, I could responds to your childish remark by mentioning that your hair would embarrass a troll doll but I'm not going to sink to your level.

  Vicki : Hag!

  Maddy : Freak!

  Vicki : Skank!

  Maddy : Get a hat!

• Susan : I'm just a little concerned with what seems to be your growing obsession with my Nana.

  Vicki : That's ridiculous! Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to run down to Market Street. Helen should be on the number 20 bus and I want to be there to wave as she goes by.

  Susan : Sure, it's all fun and games until somebody needs a restraining order!