Cosi (1996)

David Wenham: Doug

Quotes 

• Roy : We're going to do "Cosi Fan Tutte", the opera.

  Doug : What, Little Richard wrote an opera? Tutti Fruiti the opera?

  Roy : It's an opera by Mozart, you low life.

• Cherry : [to Doug]  Go burn a cat.

  [she exits] 

  Lewis : Why are they always saying that?

  Doug : That's what I did.

  Lewis : Burned a cat?

  Doug : No, CATS. See mum had five cats, and me and mum we'd been having some... differences. So one night I rounded 'em up, put 'em in a cage, doused 'em with petrol and put a match to 'em!

  [Lewis chuckles, thinking it's a joke. Doug grins and laughs] 

  Doug : Heh-heh! Funny, eh?

  [He sits next to Lewis] 

  Doug : Then, I opened up the cage door and I let 'em run loose. Welllll, what a racket. They were runnin' round the backyard, burnin' and howlin'.

  [He gives a psychotic little laugh] 

  Doug : No such thing as grace under pressure for a burning cat, lemme tell ya. Then, me mum came outside to see what was happenin'? Darn near freaked out she did. See, I figured I'd wait a couple of hours till the cats were dead and mum was feeling a bit sorry for herself, and I'd go up to the front door and I'd knock on it and I'd say, "Hi, Mum! I'm here to talk about our unresolved conflicts."

  Doug : But oh no, One of those FUCKING cats ran into the house; a couple of minutes the whole bloody house was on fire. Within half an hour there was no front door to knock on.

  Doug : Yeah, if it wasn't for that damn cat, I wouldn't be in here.

• Cherry : This is just another battle of the sexes.

  Roy : Oh, I suppose so... If you could describe the Crusades as a sightseeing lark on the way to Jerusalem!

  Doug : Oh, please, someone give him some lithium!