Happy Gilmore (1996)

Carl Weathers: Chubbs

Photos 

Quotes 

• Chubbs : [standing outside the batting cage]  Back in 1965, Sports Illustrated said I was going to be the next Arnold Palmer.

  Happy Gilmore : Yeah? What happened?

  Chubbs : They wouldn't let me play on the Pro Tour anymore.

  Happy Gilmore : Ah, I'm sorry. Because you're black?

  Chubbs : Hell no! Damned alligator BIT my hand off!

  [Shows Happy his wooden hand] 

  Happy Gilmore : OH MY GOD!

  Chubbs : Yeah. tournament down in Florida. I hooked my ball in the rough down by the lake. Damned alligator just POPPED up, cut me down on my prime. He got me, but I tore one of that bastard's eyes out though. Look at that.

  [Shows Happy a small glass jar with an eyeball in it] 

  Happy Gilmore : You're pretty sick, Chubbs.

• Chubbs : What are you doing?

  Happy Gilmore : [while getting pelted with baseballs inside the batting cage]  364 days until next year's hockey tryouts, I have to toughen up.

• [in slow motion, Happy hits a ball a great distance. Soon after, the ball bounces on a green and rolls into the hole, making a hole in one. The crowd goes wild] 

  Happy Gilmore : [shouts]  He shoots, he scores!

  [Happy turns to Chubbs] 

  Happy Gilmore : Oh, man. That was so much easier than putting. I should just try to get the ball in one shot every time.

  Chubbs : Good plan.

  [Chubbs chuckles as he pats Happy with his wooden hand. The two of them walk away] 

  Virginia : [to Shooter]  Did you see that?

  Shooter McGavin : Yes. Nice shot.

  Virginia : He just got a Hole-in-One on a *par four*!

  Shooter McGavin : I know. I just said I saw it.

  Virginia : [laughs]  Oh, I hope he *wins*. He's a publicist's *dream*. I mean, a guy who could drive the ball *that* far - oh, he could *really* draw a crowd.

  [Virginia walks away smiling] 

  Shooter McGavin : [under his breath]  You know what *else* could draw a crowd? A golfer with an arm growing out of his ass.

  [Shooter follows Virginia scowling] 

• Chubbs : [hugging him from behind]  It's all in the hips. It's all in the hips. It's all in the hips. It's all in the hips.

  Happy Gilmore : [embarrassed, pushes him away]  Get off of me!

  Chubbs : Just easin' the tension, baby. Just easin' the tension!

  Happy Gilmore : Yeah, well ease it on someone else.

• Chubbs : [referring to the man standing in front of them wearing unusual clothing and a straw hat]  Thanks for dressing up.

  Happy Gilmore : If saw myself in clothes like that, I'd have to kick my own ass.

• Chubbs : So, you're a hockey player, huh?

  Happy Gilmore : Yeah

  Chubbs : You're gonna give that shit up. You're gonna concentrate on golf.

• Chubbs : [in the parking lot of the golf course]  Golf's no different from Hockey. It requires talent and self discipline.

  Happy Gilmore : Golf requires goofy pants and a fat ass. You should talk to my neighbor, the accountant. Probably a great golfer... huge ass.

  Chubbs : Hey, I'll bet your neighbor the accountant can't drive the ball four hundred yards. I'll bet your neighbor the accountant doesn't have a shot to get on the Pro Tour!

  Happy Gilmore : And how would I do that?

  Chubbs : You win the Open tomorrow, and you're automatically on the Pro Tour. Then who knows? Maybe you'll win the Tour Championship one day. Get that gold jacket that I never got.

  Happy Gilmore : Gold jacket, green jacket, who gives a shit?

• Chubbs : Spoken like a true asshole.

• Chubbs : [Happy visits his happy place one last time, he sees Chubbs]  Shut up, Happy. Don't feel bad about me. I got my hand back, see?

  [Chubbs plays and sings "We've Only Just Begun" on the piano] 

• [seeing Happy on TV] 

  Chubbs : What are you doing Happy? Riding a bull? You're acting like a damn fool!

• Happy Gilmore : [to Chubbs]  A guy your size, why don't you play a real sport, like football?

  Chubbs : My Momma wouldn't sign the permission slip. Said it might be a little too dangerous.

  Happy Gilmore : Yeah, good call.