Sgt. Bilko (1996)

Brian Leckner: Pfc. Sam Fender

Quotes 

• Wally : You men are soldiers! Guardians of freedom! And frankly I don't think there's a man or woman here who's taken their service oath seriously!

  Fender : You know what? I'm gonna kill him.

  Bilko : Fender!

  [as Fender tries to grab him, Wally uses martial arts skills to twist his arm and flip him over onto the floor] 

  Bilko : Now, this is the stuff they should be teaching in the Army.

  Wally : They are.

  Bilko : No kidding?

• Bilko : Hello, soldiers.

  [they look around] 

  Bilko : I'm talking to you. Because that's what you are, really, soldiers. Every last one you with a couple of exceptions.

  Paparelli : [whispering]  He's got a plan.

  Fender : [whispering]  He sure does.

  Bilko : I'm going to tell you a little story. There once was a little boy, and that little boy had a dream to run one of the most sophistocated, illegal gaming operations the United States Army has ever seen.

  Zimmerman : [whispering]  He's not worried.

  Morales : [whispering]  Not a bit.

  Bilko : And that little boy's dream came true... but now,they're trying to snatch that dream *back* from him.

  Zimmerman : [whispering]  He's worried.

  Morales : [whispering]  It's not good.

  Bilko : But what are the last two letters in the name Bilko? K-O! Of course the first few letters are B-I-L, which is meaningless. But still, am I giving up? No! Never! Well kind of, but not really, because there is *no way* I'm going to Greenland. Well, you are probably wondering if I have a plan. Well, of course I have a plan! A P-L-A-N - plan!

  [spells "PALN" on the chalkboard] 

  Bilko : But, ha ha ha.

  [begins crying] 

  Paparelli : [whispering]  He's got no plan.

  Morales : [whispering]  We're screwed.

  Wally : I have a plan, Sarge.

  Bilko : But maybe, a plan is not what I really need. what I really need,

  [gets down on knees] 

  Bilko : is just a little puppy.

  [crying and interacting with an imaginary puppy] 

  Bilko : A little puppy with big brown eyes, who would just come to me and lick my face, and just love me so much no matter what kind of person I am.

• Bilko : [to Wally]  Any one of these men would take a bullet for you.

  Fender : Well, not in the chest!