Sgt. Bilko (1996)

Daryl Mitchell: Pfc. Wally Holbrook

Photos 

Quotes 

• Wally : Speaking of Doberman, can I please have another roommate?

  Bilko : Why, what's wrong with Doberman?

  Wally : He wet his bed!

  Bilko : Oh, well, once in a while...

  Wally : No, he did it from across the room.

• [Bilko is playing golf on the army base] 

  Bilko : Twenty bucks says I can hit the parking lot.

  Wally : I don't gamble.

  Bilko : Well, what is it you *do* do?

  Wally : Permission to speak freely...

  Bilko : Yeah, yeah, yeah, go ahead!

  Wally : I get up every morning and I get dressed to protect the American way of life.

  Bilko : Would you tell me that later tonight so I don't have to take a sleeping pill?

• Paparelli : He's gonna think of something. Remember that time I got the letter from my wife saying that she wanted to break up with me? Huh? Remember what Bilko did?

  Wally : He got your wife back?

  Paparelli : No, he got me another wife! A better wife!

• [Bilko is playing golf in the middle of the base] 

  Wally : Sarge, they let you do this?

  Bilko : I never asked. They'd probably say no, it is an army post.

• Wally : Permission to speak freely, Sarge.

  Bilko : Permission? What, are we in Russia? Say anything you want.

• Wally : You men are soldiers! Guardians of freedom! And frankly I don't think there's a man or woman here who's taken their service oath seriously!

  Fender : You know what? I'm gonna kill him.

  Bilko : Fender!

  [as Fender tries to grab him, Wally uses martial arts skills to twist his arm and flip him over onto the floor] 

  Bilko : Now, this is the stuff they should be teaching in the Army.

  Wally : They are.

  Bilko : No kidding?

• [Morning. 'Reveille' plays over the loudspeakers] 

  Wally : Hey, Sarge! Get up! Hurry!

  Bilko : [jumping out of bed with his sleeping mask still on]  What's the matter? What's the matter? Everybody take cover! Gather all the men! Man the battle stations! And...

  [pauses as he hears the reveille tune] 

  Bilko : What's that music?

• Bilko : Hello, soldiers.

  [they look around] 

  Bilko : I'm talking to you. Because that's what you are, really, soldiers. Every last one you with a couple of exceptions.

  Paparelli : [whispering]  He's got a plan.

  Fender : [whispering]  He sure does.

  Bilko : I'm going to tell you a little story. There once was a little boy, and that little boy had a dream to run one of the most sophistocated, illegal gaming operations the United States Army has ever seen.

  Zimmerman : [whispering]  He's not worried.

  Morales : [whispering]  Not a bit.

  Bilko : And that little boy's dream came true... but now,they're trying to snatch that dream *back* from him.

  Zimmerman : [whispering]  He's worried.

  Morales : [whispering]  It's not good.

  Bilko : But what are the last two letters in the name Bilko? K-O! Of course the first few letters are B-I-L, which is meaningless. But still, am I giving up? No! Never! Well kind of, but not really, because there is *no way* I'm going to Greenland. Well, you are probably wondering if I have a plan. Well, of course I have a plan! A P-L-A-N - plan!

  [spells "PALN" on the chalkboard] 

  Bilko : But, ha ha ha.

  [begins crying] 

  Paparelli : [whispering]  He's got no plan.

  Morales : [whispering]  We're screwed.

  Wally : I have a plan, Sarge.

  Bilko : But maybe, a plan is not what I really need. what I really need,

  [gets down on knees] 

  Bilko : is just a little puppy.

  [crying and interacting with an imaginary puppy] 

  Bilko : A little puppy with big brown eyes, who would just come to me and lick my face, and just love me so much no matter what kind of person I am.

• Pfc. Wally Holbrook : [Pvt. Doberman is playing tug-of-war with a horse for a bet]  What's going on?

  Sgt. Raquel Barbella : It's Private Doberman, he's the one that looks sort of human. Last night in the gym he said, "I feel as strong as a horse." Some guy from Company P overheard him and said, "Yeah, for how much?". That's the golden rule around here, you don't say nothing unless you're prepared to back it up.