Dilbert (1999–2000)

Chris Elliott: Dogbert

Quotes 

• Dogbert : They say only the good die young. If that works both ways, I'm immortal.

• Dilbert : What makes you qualified to be a reporter?

  Dogbert : I'm willing to to violate anyone's privacy for my personal gain and then claim with a straight face that the public has a right to know.

• Dogbert : Remember, the first rule of brainstorming is to openly mock the opinions of others.

• Dogbert : I'll bet you twenty bucks that giving doesn't feel good.

  Dilbert : You're on my cynical friend.

  Dogbert : To settle the bet, give me forty dollars and see if it feels good.

  Dilbert : That would NOT feel good.

  Dogbert : Then give me twenty dollars because you lost the bet.

  Dilbert : Did I just make a bet where I would lose twenty dollars either way?

• Dilbert : You said you'd wake me up at eight.

  Dogbert : I also said women are attracted to men shaped like potatoes.

• Dilbert : Thanks, Dogbert. You really bailed me out.

  Dogbert : Oh, it's nothing you wouldn't've done for me if you weren't you and I wasn't me and everything was completely different.

• Dilbert : That's it. I think I've done it.

  Dogbert : That's not the word on the street.

• Dilbert : What do you think an egg dream means?

  Dogbert : Hmm, probably an omen.

  Dilbert : A good omen?

  Dogbert : How many good omens involve things that come out of a chicken's butt?

  Dilbert : There only has to be one.

• Dogbert : That's outrageous. Idiots shouldn't have money.

• Dilbert : Do you ever get tired of watching bad things happen to people?

  Dogbert : That's crazy talk.

• Dilbert : What's wrong with me?

  Dogbert : I was going to wait until the second trimester to tell you but you're pregnant with the sperm of a cow, an Amishman

  Dilmom : A hilbilly, and a Martian.

• Dogbert : Nature will take its course.

  Dilbert : How long will that take?

  Dogbert : Not long. I'm part of nature.

• Dogbert : [Cubicle Syndrome]  If you think you've got it, you've got it.