George of the Jungle (1997)

Keith Scott: The Narrator

Quotes 

• Narrator : Don't worry. Nobody dies in this story. They just get really big boo-boos.

• Narrator : And so, onward and upward the tired trekkers trudged on feverished footsies over perilous paths. When they beheld the mighty Ape Mountain, the reacted with awe.

  Group : Awwww...

  Narrator : I said, "Awe." A-W-E.

  Group : Ooh...

  Narrator : That's better.

• Narrator : [after George is shot]  Whew! Okay, kids, let's settle down and review the important information. Lyle is a big doofus. Poor George was really shot, but can't die because let's face it, he's the hero.

• Max : Thor, were you fighting with the Narrator?

  Thor : Well, he started it.

  Narrator : Did not.

  Thor : You did too.

  Narrator : Did not.

  Thor : You did too.

  Narrator : Did not.

  Thor : You did too!

  Max : Thor, stop it.

• Ursula Stanhope : And you can watch TV, and eat, and relax, and I'll be back as soon as I can. Just stay here.

  Narrator : Stay here? George is king of the jungle. No four walls built by modern man can contain him

  George : Not true. George have every intention of doing exactly what Ursula say.

  Narrator : Really? Is that so?

  George : For a while.

  [grins] 

• Narrator : Twenty five years later, the bouncing baby boy has grown into a swinging jungle king. He is swift, he is strong, he is sure, he is smart...

  [George hits tree and falls down] 

  Narrator : ...he is unconscious.

• Narrator : Later, in the Men's Department, after discovering his long lost brothers, the jungle king was pleased to find he looked pretty good in Armani.

  George : Pretty darn good.

• Narrator : Well, Ursula's fiancè is in prison, and there's a jungle man sleeping on her balcony. She could use a best friend right now.

  Betsy : Hi.

  Ursula Stanhope : Hi.

  Betsy : I got here as fast as I could. Where is he?

  Ursula Stanhope : Oh, he's in the waterf... he's in the shower.

  Betsy : Not anymore.

  Ursula Stanhope : Oh! George.

  [sees him naked] 

  George : Bad waterfall. First water get hot, then George slip on this strange yellow rock.

  [sees Betsy] 

  George : Oh. Hi, George of Jungle.

  Betsy : Charmed, I'm sure.

  Ursula Stanhope : George, hold this big book.

  [he holds book covering his front part] 

  Ursula Stanhope : Cover the booty.

  [puts bowl on behind] 

  Ursula Stanhope : Let's get you some clothes. Sorry, Betsy.

  George : Bye.

  Betsy : No problem.

  [to herself] 

  Betsy : Now I can see why they made him king of the jungle.

• Narrator : The ape named ape was caged in a cage, hoping to hear the jungle king's awesome...

  [jungle call] 

  Narrator : Hey, I'm pretty good at that. And wondering if he would ever come. But the motion-sick mammal needn't have moaned, for that defender of the innocent, protector of the weak, and all around good guy George of the Jungle was closer than he knew.

  [noises come from crate and it opens with George in it] 

  George : Next time George get bigger box.

• Narrator : The young Miss Stanhope proceed to spill the beans.

  Ursula Stanhope : So, anyway, I went to the jungle.

  Narrator : Very quickly.

  Ursula Stanhope : [her dialogue speeds up]  You know, I wanted to get away before I got married, and then Lyle shows up. And nobody got along with Lyle; he was a big pain in the ass. And, anyway, so, he went off to the jungle by himself, and I'm sure I had to follow him. And a jungle man comes swinging in on a vine. Just swinging through, and he - the way he hit something. I don't know what happened, and the next thing I know is, Ii wake up...

  Narrator : Until she got to the important part at the end.

  Ursula Stanhope : [her speech goes back to normal]  ... and the Lyle shot him. So Lyle's in jail and George is with me... and I don't want to marry Lyle anymore.

• Narrator : Meanwhile, at a very expensive waterfall set...

• Narrator : Every story gets to have a really big coincidence, and here's ours:

• [reaching the end of a long trail] 

  Thor : Max, look! We're back at the tree house!

  Ape : Well, I tried, but you fellas are just too smart for me.

  Max : Oh, no!

  Narrator : "Oh, no" was right! Because even at that moment...

  Thor : [looking up]  Hey! Why don't you say something constructive for a change, like what we should do now?

  Narrator : Because I don't like you.

  Thor : Well, I hate you, you snotty son of a...

  Narrator : I'll pretend I didn't hear that.

  [there is a thunderous bang, and both Thor and Max stagger, as though hit] 

  Narrator : Having some fun now, huh?

• [first lines] 

  Narrator : Deep in the heart of Africa is a place no man has ever entered. The place that belongs to the lion, the elephant and the ape. A place known as the Bukuvu. Travellers flying overhead can only glimpse at its many marvels, its sparkling rivers, its lush veldts, its billowy cloud formations and its hidden mountains. Never fear, my friends. All was not lost. Scraped and boo-booed, they searched high and low, but they never recovered their most precious cargo.

• Lyle : White ape. Sounds like a drink

  [mockingly] 

  Lyle : Yes, bartender, I'll have two black russians and a white ape.

  Narrator : A drink the venal Van de Groot would be begging to imbibe, if he only knew how close the white ape was at that very moment. Flying through the foliage, surveying the scenery, and swinging on through the trees with effortless ease.

  George : [hits tree]  Ow!

• Narrator : But his rapturous rendezvous with the urban heiress was to be short-lived, Kwame and his men were drawing dangerously close! That is, dangerously close to shoving a coconut up Lyle's... sleeping bag.

• [as Thor aims his rifle at Shep, Ape roars and jumps out of the treehouse, landing the ground] 

  Ape : Run, Shep! Run for your life!

  Max : Did that monkey just speak?

  Thor : That monkey just spoke!

  Ursula Stanhope : I *knew* it!

  Lyle Van de Groot : He *talked*!

  Max : [to Thor]  Shoot it now.

  Ape : [turns and notices Max and Thor]  Hmm?

  Max : [lowers Thor's rifle]  With the tranquilizer gun, you idiot! The ape's worth a fortune!

  George : *No*!

  [runs towards Ape] 

  Lyle Van de Groot : [aims his handgun at George]  Stop or I'll shoot!

  [shoots George in slow motion] 

  Ape : No!

  Lyle Van de Groot : No!

  Ursula Stanhope : George!

  [fade to white] 

  Narrator : Whoo! OK, kids, let's settle down and review the important information. Lyle is a big doofus. Poor George was really shot, but can't die because, let's face it, he's the hero.

• Narrator : After a night of feverish fantasies, the perfectly permed heiress, Ursula Stanhope, awoke to the melodious music of the Bukuvu bird life, and found herself venturing forth in search of that defender of the innocent, protector of the weak and all-around good guy, George of the Jungle. But that's not who she saw first.

• Narrator : When they approached it, they gazed in awe.

  Group : Aaawwwwww

  Narrator : I said *Awe* - A... W... E!

  Group : Oooooohhhh

  Narrator : That's better!

• Narrator : Meanwhile, at a very big and expensive waterfall set, Ursula was amazed that she was lost in the wilderness with a jungle man.

  Ursula Stanhope : ...and here I am lost in the wilderness with a jungle man.

• Narrator : And so, jazzed on java, George of the Jungle made his way into the city by the way.

• Thor : George of the Jungle must be halfway to 'Frisco by now.

  Narrator : But our plotting poachers were only half correct for at that very moment, our handsome hero was all the way to San Francisco.

• Narrator : [on seeing Shep's trunk wrapped around a giant "Milkbone."]  Wait a second. The dog bone is too much. Lose it. That's better.

• Narrator : Meanwhile, back in the jungle...