Private Parts (1997)
Howard Stern: Self
Photos
Quotes
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Jackie : My answer is "cock", and I wrote it really big, so I have a "big cock!"
Howard : I'm afraid you can't say "big cock" on the air. That's a no-no.
Robin Quivers : But I just said "pussy".
Jackie : [whining] Yeah, she just said *pussy*!
Howard : Well, pussy's okay. It's the way you say it. "Big cock" coming out of your mouth is, just not good.
Jackie : Wait a minute. I can't say "big cock", but you can say "big cock coming out of your mouth?"
Howard : That's right.
Jackie : That sucks!
[Pig Vomit, very pissed off, starts running for the studio]
Fred Norris : [as Richard Nixon] Did you just say "big cock coming out of your mouth that sucks"?
Howard : So Brett, what did you write down?
Robin Quivers : [as Brett Summers] Just like the boys, Gene. I've got "cock".
Howard : Do me a favor. Hold that up for a second so I can see your "cock".
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Howard Stern : Lesbians equals ratings.
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Howard Stern : Irene, the weather girl! Irene, are you there?
[on the phone]
Leather Weather Lady : It's cold. *Real* cold. But your ass is gonna be plenty hot when I give you a good hard butt whippin'! Tongue!
[puts out her cigarette on the tongue of the rubberbound man]
Leather Weather Lady : What do you think about that? Turns you on, doesn't it? You little maggot!
Rubberbound Man : Yeah.
Howard Stern : Irene, thank you for the weather forecast.
Leather Weather Lady : Shut up.
Howard Stern : We hope to hear from you tomorrow. Give us some more weather!
Leather Weather Lady : Bite me, you loser!
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Howard Stern : Whoooweeee. That's me. This is Lance Lewhatsup at WNBC. WNnnnnnBC, and I am proud to be New York's first ever gay disc jockey. Ever.
Fred Norris : Ever.
Howard Stern : Now I want to introduce to you my soul-mate, my love-mate, who I couldn't be without, Mr. Blaxwell.
Fred Norris : Wilkommen, Bienvenue. Welcome.
Robin Quivers : Well, it's great to meet you both and it is a pleasure to have you here, but I understand there's already been a problem?
Howard Stern : Oh, yes. See, I was up in the Program Director's office and his name is Pig Vomit. Because he looks like a pig and he makes you want to vomit. Pig Vomit. So Pig Vomit says to me, "The name of the station isn't WNBC. It is WNnnnnnnBC. WNnnnnnnnBC." That I wasn't saying the call letters properly. It's a big problem. So, to um, *rectify* this, I brought along a cup of Blaxwell's semen.
Robin Quivers : Semen?
Fred Norris : I squoze it myself. I hope it's not too tangy.
Howard Stern : Now I'm going to gargle it, and say the call letters over and over again until I get it right.
Robin Quivers : Do you really think that'll work?
Howard Stern : Oh, who cares. 'Cause I just love the taste of a man. Ooooh-ga.
Fred Norris : Ooooh-ga.
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Robin Quivers : Oh, my God, You just swallowed.
Howard Stern : I *swallowed*!
Fred Norris : Waste not, want not, Robin.
Howard Stern : I want you all to know that I love WNnnnnnnnBC. See, now I can say it WNnnnnnnnnBC.
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[on why Howard is playing himself in college instead of someone younger]
Howard Stern : I know I seem a little too old to be in College. But for this movie you've gotta suspend disbelief.
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Howard Stern : We never went to ballgames. The only sport my dad liked was yelling.
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Howard Stern : After all, being misunderstood is the fate of all true geniuses, is it not?
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Howard Stern : I am the hero of the lesbian community.
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[Howard is on the phone with Pig Vomit's wife]
Howard Stern : Hello. Is this Betty Jean Rushton?
Betty Jean Rushton : Yes, it is.
Howard Stern : Hi, there. This is Howard Stern, WNnnnnBC. I'm calling because your husband Kenny has been really bitchy around the station lately and we thought that maybe you should give him some more sex.
Betty Jean Rushton : More sex?
Howard Stern : Yeah, he's *backed up*! Isn't he backed up, Ross?
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[after winning a student film competition]
Howard Stern : I tell you, nothing makes a woman hotter than to be with an award-winning filmmaker.
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Howard : [Watching "Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous"] Hey honey, Robin Leech says we should move to Antigua.
