Giving It Up (1999)

Mark Feuerstein: Ralph Gagante

Quotes 

• Ralph : I'm half Italian-half Jewish. Which, I guess makes me a pizza-bagel.

• [Ralph descibing his vanity process] 

  Psychiatrist : You get your back WAXED?

  Ralph : Yeah.

  Psychiatrist : Ouch.

  Ralph : Yeah, tell me about it. I'm Italian and Jewish. Twice the hair and the guilt.

• Johnathan : Let me tell you something. This happens to be real life. Money and power. That's all that counts out there in the world.

  Ralph : No, I don't think so. I...

  Johnathan : You're the best I ever had, kid. But pending a major change in your sex life - and I mean a MAJOR change - you are... on extended leave.

  Ralph : What?

  Johnathan : That's right. No chicks, no checks.

  [long awkward pause] 

  Johnathan : Get the fuck out of here.

• Peter : Dude, you can't change your life. I love your life. It's like a porno movie, but with better lighting. There's great cheesy music, lots of hot women. You could use more lesbians, though.

  Ralph : Oh, you think so? Thanks for the tip.

• Ralph : Yeah, I'm up for more of this ego-deflating banter.

• Ralph : He who loves and runs away lives to love another day.

• Ralph : Listerine - the only thing to reach BEFORE the snooze button.

  Peter : Genius. Pure genius.

• Ralph : Why are you stroking your fallus?

  Ralph : I don't know. It... it just feels good.

  Dr. Hubbins : Are you afraid it'll dissapear? Are you afraid that it'll fall off? That a woman will castrate it and take it away? Why don't you just accept it as a natural appendage like your foot?

• Rex : Oh, fresh oysters. Hey, do you like oysters?

  Ralph : No, I don't really get in to putting slippery, slimy, disgusting, wet, living organisms in my mouth.

  Rex : I guess you don't eat pussy, then.

  [she walks away, Ralph follows after her] 

  Ralph : I could.

• Ralph : Yeah, this place is really super-fly!

• Amber : Don't you have a maid?

  Ralph : Yeah. She's in Bukit Tinggi for the week.

  Amber : What are you so embarrassed about?

  Ralph : I'm a messy guy. You don't want to look in there.

  Amber : [chuckles]  Ralph, holy shit! You have my picture hanging on your wall.

  Ralph : Yeah.

  Amber : [clicks tongue]  That's so flattering.

  [she licks the top of his lip] 

  Amber : I just want to fuckin' rape you.