The Minus Man (1999)

Janeane Garofalo: Ferrin

Photos 

Quotes 

• [Ferrin asks Vann why he doesn't like lakes] 

  Ferrin : I'm not comfortable swimming in the ocean. I like lakes.

  Vann Siegert : I don't really care for lakes.

  Ferrin : You don't care for lakes?

  Ferrin : [Ferrin giggles]  Why, why do you not care for lakes?

  Vann Siegert : I don't know, lakes are like stepping into somebody else's underwear.

  [Ferrin laughs pushing Vann on the shoulder] 

• [Ferrin works beside Vann in the mail room of the post office] 

  Ferrin : [Vann holds up a grand opening flyer with a clown on the page]  You like clowns?

  Vann Siegert : Yeah, but I don't eat sausages.

  Ferrin : That one is so creepy. I don't really understand how anybody is gonna sell stuff with it.

• [Ferrin and Vann talk on their lunch break at work] 

  Ferrin : How old are you?

  Vann Siegert : That's so funny. I was just gonna ask you the same thing. I'm 34.

  Ferrin : Oh, my god. I thought you were, like, 28 or something.

• [Vann asks Ferrin if she ever delivers the mail] 

  Vann Siegert : Do you ever get to deliver the mail?

  Ferrin : Oh, no.

  Vann Siegert : But you get to sell stamps.

  Ferrin : Well, a carrier can't clerk, and a clerk can't carry. We don't really cross graphs at the post office.

• [Ferrin asks Vann if he wants to go out for a drink with her] 

  Ferrin : Do you want to get a beer with me after work?

  Vann Siegert : [Vann lowers his 7 Up can from taking a drink]  I don't drink.

  Ferrin : [Ferrin pauses before commenting on the Oregon sweater Vann's wearing]  What's 'Oregon' for?

  Vann Siegert : I used to live there once just for a while.

  Ferrin : Doing what?

  Vann Siegert : I sold stereos and worked in a shop.

  Ferrin : On account of what don't you drink?

  Vann Siegert : I don't know. On account of nothing I guess.

  Ferrin : Well, if you want, I'll be at Hobie's after work.

  Ferrin : [Ferrin takes a drink from Vann's 7 UP can]  You can watch me.

• [Vann meets Ferrin's dog for the first time] 

  Vann Siegert : [Vann looks down at the dog]  It's even smaller than it looks.

  Ferrin : The house?

  Vann Siegert : The dog. Does he really eat cat food?

  Ferrin : Yeah, he loves it. I'll show you.

  Vann Siegert : Maybe that's why he's small.

• [Vann asks Ferrin about the cat sitting in the mail room] 

  Vann Siegert : Do you know who that cat belongs to?

  Ferrin : Oh, that's Zip Code. She doesn't belong to anybody. Everybody brings her food though. That's how I feed my dog.

  Vann Siegert : Your dog eats cat food?

  Ferrin : Uh-huh.

• [Vann sees the inside of Ferrin's cabin for the first time] 

  Vann Siegert : This isn't small. This is nice. This cabin. It reminds me a lot of the cabin I used to have. It even sort of smells like it.

  Ferrin : It's not mine. I don't own it.

  Vann Siegert : Neither did I.

  Ferrin : I feel like I do.

  Vann Siegert : You ought to. But you leave your doors unlocked.

  Ferrin : There's nothing to steal except for the dog.

  Vann Siegert : There's you.

  Ferrin : What would they do with me?

  [Vann doesn't respond to the question] 

• [Ferrin asks Vann how his carrier route is going at the post office] 

  Ferrin : How's the route going?

  Vann Siegert : Fine except for the Jeep.

  Ferrin : What's wrong with it?

  Vann Siegert : Well, there's a mechanical problem.

  Ferrin : What's that?

  Vann Siegert : The driver.

  Ferrin : [Ferrin laughs aloud]  You're funny.

• [Vann and Ferrin go on a drive together] 

  Ferrin : Are you in a good mood?

  Vann Siegert : Yeah, I'm happy. Everybody's a little happy on a Saturday.

• [Vann asks Ferrin about the sailors and fisherman of the old days] 

  Vann Siegert : You know why in the old days sailors and fisherman never learned how to swim?

  Ferrin : No, why?

  Vann Siegert : Because if you knew how to swim it'd take so much longer to drown.

  Ferrin : Oh. I never heard that.

  Vann Siegert : [both look at the ocean]  You wanna go in?

• [Ferrin has Vann sign Joe the postman's get-well soon card who's recovering from a Triple Bypass] 

  Ferrin : That's nice.

  Vann Siegert : What'd you write?

  Ferrin : 'If you don't hurry back soon, this girl's gonna die of a broken heart. No pun intended. Love, Ferrin.'

• [Ferrin nervously asks Vann why he hasn't called her] 

  Ferrin : Are you trying to avoid me?

  Vann Siegert : What do you mean?

  Ferrin : Well, I was thinking that maybe you would have called me by now.

  Vann Siegert : I've been so tired after work everyday. It's no wonder old Joe La Moine had himself a heart attack.

  Ferrin : Really?

  Ferrin : [Vann nods up and down]  What are you doing later?

  Vann Siegert : I have to go to the library. But I'll call you.

  Ferrin : When?

  Vann Siegert : As soon as I get your number.

  Ferrin : I never gave you my number?

  Vann Siegert : [Vann smiles]  You never gave me your number.

  Ferrin : [Ferrin blushes with a laugh]  Oh. Okay. Well... hand.

  [Ferrin writes down her number on the palm of Vann's hand] 

• [Ferrin shows Vann a sketch of the Poison Killer in the newspaper] 

  Ferrin : This is the guy they think poisoned all those people.

  Vann Siegert : [Vann stares at the sketch asking]  Sorta looks like me, doesn't it?

  Ferrin : [Ferrin scoffs]  No.

• [Ferrin tells Vann she'd like to cook him dinner] 

  Ferrin : I'd like to cook dinner for you.

  Vann Siegert : You cook?

  Ferrin : No.

  [as both smile at each other silently] 

• [Vann tells Ferrin about how a spider once crawled in his ear] 

  Vann Siegert : Once I was laying in the grass and a spider crawled in my ear.

  Ferrin : And?

  Vann Siegert : What?

  Ferrin : You said a spider crawled in your ear. Is it still in there?

  Vann Siegert : No, it crawled out again. Nobody home.

  [as Vann smiles]