The Tom Green Show (1999– )

Glenn Humplik: Self, Self - Co-Host

Quotes 

• Tom Green : Glenn Humplik gives me the porns. You see, Glenn has a cable descrambler box and basically he rips off the cable companies and I mentioned I was going to tell everybody that.

  [Glenn has a nervous look on his face after Tom's revelation] 

  Tom Green : Basically he steals from the cable company and he pays this guy $200 and he gets all the porn channels and he makes porns for me. He makes porns so I can masturbate.

  [Tom puts the tapes away and points at Glenn] 

  Tom Green : You see Glenn has a girlfriend, so he has to masturbate back stage before the show, but when he's at home, he gets sex whenever he wants.

  Tom Green : [looks at Glenn and starts doing weird noises and gestures simulating sex]  Come on Catherine, it's a time for a little sex!

  Glenn Humplik : [embarrassed]  That's not how it works.

  Tom Green : [continues the lewd gestures]  Come on Catherine, I'm home!

  Glenn Humplik : No, no, no!, not how it works!

  Tom Green : [mocking Glenn]  Catherine, I'm home!

  [Tom begins dry-humping Glenn] 

  Glenn Humplik : [clearly embarrassed]  No!

  Tom Green : Yeah! So you know, all the enjoyment you've given me by giving me the porns

  Glenn Humplik : Hey, I'm a friend helping out a friend.

  Tom Green : Since you've given me the porns over the years, I figured I would give you a little something in return.

  [Tom pulls out a container of cream and starts slathering Glenn with it] 

  Tom Green : It's just some cream that came from my body! Some cream that came from my body!

  [Tom dumps the bucket on Glenn before putting it on his own head] 

  Tom Green : It's some cream, it's some cream from my body!

  [Tom is dry humping Glenn, before taking the bucket off his head when he quits]