- Rick Mercer: [on Canada and the US] We're bigger, and we're on top. If this was prison, they would be our bitch.
- [Opening of every episode:]
- Announcer: This Hour Has 22 Minutes is a satirical examination of daily events. Some viewers may not share this sense of humour.
- Rick Mercer: The US is our neighbour, our ally, our trading partner, and our friend, and sometimes we'd like to give them *such* a smack.
- [on the territorial government's refusal to legalize same-sex unions]
- Molly Maguire: This news has sent shockwaves through the gay community of the Northwest Territories. We go to him now.
- J.B. Dixon: Jackie Biskupski is running for a seat in the Utah Legislature, and she's attracting a lot of attention because she's a lesbian. Her Republican opponent, Dan Alderson, is a staunch Mormon, and is running a negative ad campaign calling her lifestyle abnormal and deviant. His six wives agree.
- J.B. Dixon: At this time, we need to look to Canada's poets for inspiration. And when we think Canada, when we think poets, we all think... Trooper!
- [followed by footage of Canadian politicians singing along to "Raise A Little Hell"]
- Announcer: [after opening] Warning! To France! If you don't go to war now, you won't be able to surrender later
- Peter Fonda: What kind of show is this anyway ?
- Bas MacLaren: We're 22 minutes. We're like the news, but drunk.
- Frank McMillan: [after the premiere of the Spice Girls movie]
- [singing]
- Frank McMillan: "You know what I want, what I really really want"
- Frank McMillan: [yelling] My eight bucks back!
- Antony St. George: On behalf of Canadians everywhere I'd like to offer an apology to the United States of America. We haven't been getting along very well recently and for that, I am truly sorry. I'm sorry we called George Bush a moron. He is a moron, but it wasn't nice of us to point it out. If it's any consolation, the fact that he's a moron shouldn't reflect poorly on the people of America. After all, it's not like you actually elected him.