Highway (I) (2002)

Jake Gyllenhaal: Pilot

Photos 

Quotes 

• Pilot Kelson : Pop Quiz.

  Jack Hayes : No.

  Pilot Kelson : Come on. It's a quick one.

  Jack Hayes : Go.

  Pilot Kelson : What is 1,056 dicks?

  Jack Hayes : A lot of dicks.

  Pilot Kelson : Beep. Perfect Score. Gold star.

• Jack Hayes : Pop quiz.

  Pilot Kelson : Go.

  Jack Hayes : How much I owe you for helping me out?

  Pilot Kelson : A gazillion.

  Jack Hayes : Who's the major old-school happener?

  Pilot Kelson : Piiilot.

  Jack Hayes : How much longer we a team?

  Pilot Kelson : Forever.

  Jack Hayes : Beep... perfect score, gold star.

• Pilot Kelson : You are one daffy invididual!

• Pilot Kelson : I like it... Hit the road, flee for your life, meet a doll who's got "once and a lifetime girl of my dreams and reason to believe" written all over her like so much graffiti. It could only happen to the god of fuck.

• Jack Hayes : Can we just have 15 minutes of fun in our fucking miserable lives?

  Pilot Kelson : Famous last words...

• Cassie : That's pretty pathetic in my book.

  Pilot Kelson : In your book? And what's the title of that book? Is it called 'Give Me A Hundred Bucks And I'll Suck Your Dick'? Cause I think I read that one, and it was... ooh... lurid.

• Pilot Kelson : [after the alligator boy screams]  That be a cry laden with pain and sorrow

• Pilot Kelson : Desmond the alligator boy is a major happener

• Pilot Kelson : When you think about it, the world is divided into 2 groups... pandas and alligator boys

• Jack Hayes : You bang her yet man?

  Pilot Kelson : Not even close... if "Bangher" was an island off the coast of the Carribean, me and Lucy are stuck in traffic in Jersey

• Pilot Kelson : [telling Jack that the whore thought Pilot was sexually confused]  Sexual confusion... I mean, you don't think I have sexual confusion, do you?

• Pilot Kelson : So, it was cool, you know? I told her about my troubles and she was like, 'sexual confusion's a tricky thing'. Sexual confusion? I mean, easy on the sexual confusion tip, baby. You make me sound like a guy in a raincoat with a fistful of vaseline, you know?

  [laughs] 

  Pilot Kelson : Sexual confusion... I mean, you don't think I have sexual confusion, do you...?

• Pilot Kelson : This is Jack Hayes, the God of Fuck!

  Shanks : [turns to Jack]  Is that what they call you? The God of Fuck? Tell me something... do you like to get fucked?