Halloween Is Grinch Night (1977 TV Movie)
Hans Conried: The Grinch, Narrator
Quotes
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Grinch : It's a wonderful night for eyebrows. It's a wonderful night for teeth! It's a wonderful night for Grinch Night! Their troubles will now commence, oh I wouldn't stay home on a night like this for sixty dollars and sixty cents!
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Grinch : Who are you?
Ukaraiah : *Ukariah* Who, sir.
Grinch : You're a rather small Who, aren't you?
Ukaraiah : Well, I do the best I can. Sir, are you really the Grinch?
Grinch : Am I the Grinch?
Ukaraiah : Sorry, sir, I have a slight astigmatism. An optical condition in which parallel rays of light from an external source converge or diverge unequally in different meridians.
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Grinch : Look, kid, I just gave you the $2.00 treatment. You're not worth a first-class Grinching.
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Grinch : Gall-don brickle bush, Ehh! I've got brickles in the britches!
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Max : How many times have I said and said? How many times have I said in my head, "What am I doing here?" Why am I the slave of this grinchy old grock? And I say how I wish I could turn back the clock, and have the fine future I had once before, and again be an innocent puppy once more.
Grinch : [tauntingly] In your puppy-house beddy with Sweet Aunt Woofy Wafoone, feeding you hominy grits with a big silver spoon?
Max : What am I doing here? Doesn't matter much how but my dear old Auntie Woofie, wouldn't I fear, very much care for me now.
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Narrator : It was a glorious sunset, until, Old Josiah happened to sniff, and he whispered to his wife...
Josiah : Mariah, will you also take a wiff?
Narrator : And Josiah and Mariah doubled sniffed, and they said...
Josiah , Mariah : I wonder if...
Narrator : But they really didn't wonder, they knew it was terribly true, they knew that the sour-sweet wind was coming back, and what the sour-sweet wind would do.
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Grinch : [voice only, joining in a round sung by a chorus of spooks circling Ukaraiah] Ukaraiah, Ukaraiah, this is it! HA! This is it! HA! Grinch is gonna getcha, Grinch is gonna getcha! Nitzen-deef a-la! YA!
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Grinch : I'm sure gonna miss that Grinch Night Ball. But... that wind will be coming back someday. *I'll* be coming back... Someday...
[laughs maniacally]
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Grinch : Max? Max! Go bring the paraphernalia wagon!
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Grinch : [to Ukaraiah] Out of my way, small Who, I've got better things to do than to spend my time with you on Grinch Night.
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Narrator : Always starts when that sour-sweet wind begins a-howling. / The wind always ends up blowing on the wrong side of Punkers Pond. / And the wind awakens the gree-grumps, / Who emerge from out of their tree stumps. / And the gree-grumps begin a-growlin'. / And the growlin' of the gree-grumps runkles and grunkles up the pond. / 'Cause when old Punkers Pond starts runklin' and grunklin' from the gree-grumps' growlin', / That always disturbs the hakken-kraks. And the hakken-kraks start a-yowlin'. / And the yowlin' of the hakken-kraks, / Plus that runklin', grunklin', howlin', growlin', / Always rotates the Grinch! / And the Grinch begins a-prowlin'.
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Ukaraiah : You know something, Mr. Grinch?
Grinch : What?
Ukaraiah : Well, sir, I happened to notice, the sour-sweet wind is dying down. No wind ever lasts forever.
Grinch : So what?
Ukaraiah : Well, sir, if my theory is correct, once the sour-sweet wind stops howlin', / That always stops the gree-grumps' growlin'.
Grinch : Yes, I know, I know.
Ukaraiah : And when the gree-grumps stop their growlin', / Punkers Pond stops runklin'-grunklin', / And when Punkers Pond stops runklin'-grunklin', / That always stops the hakken-kraks from yowlin'.
Grinch : I know.
Ukaraiah : And when the hakken-kraks stop yowlin', you *know* who that stops!
Grinch : [ignorant] Mmmmm...
Ukaraiah : That always stops the Grinch from prowlin'!
[beat]
Grinch : Well, I'll be grinched.
Sergeant Samuel McPherson : Well, *I'll* be grinched.
