Band of Brothers (2001)
Scott Grimes: Donald G. Malarkey
Photos
Quotes
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Capt. Herbert Sobel : [the company is in formation at Camp Toccoa] You people are at the position of attention!
[Sobel walks up to Perconte, who presents his rifle for inspection]
Capt. Herbert Sobel : Private Perconte, have you been blousing your trousers over your boots like a paratrooper?
Frank Perconte : No, sir.
Capt. Herbert Sobel : Then explain the creases at the bottom.
Frank Perconte : [pause] No excuse, sir.
Capt. Herbert Sobel : Volunteering for the parachute infantry is one thing, Perconte, but you've got a *long* way to prove that you belong here. Your weekend pass is revoked.
[Sobel moves down the line to Luz]
Capt. Herbert Sobel : Name.
George Luz : Luz, George.
[he presents his rifle for inspection; Sobel examines it and tosses it back at him]
Capt. Herbert Sobel : Dirt in the rear sight aperture. Pass revoked.
[Sobel moves down the line to Lipton]
Capt. Herbert Sobel : When did you sew on these chevrons, Sergeant Lipton?
Carwood Lipton : Yesterday, sir.
Capt. Herbert Sobel : [holding up a single thread] Long enough to notice this. Revoked.
Carwood Lipton : Sir.
Capt. Herbert Sobel : [Sobel moves on to Malarkey] Name.
Donald Malarkey : Malarkey, Donald G.
[he presents his rifle for inspection]
Capt. Herbert Sobel : Malarkey. Malarkey's slang for "bullshit," isn't it?
Donald Malarkey : Yes, sir.
Capt. Herbert Sobel : [Sobel examines Malarkey's rifle, then tosses it back at him] Rust on the buttplate hinge spring, Private Bullshit. Revoked.
[Sobel moves on to Liebgott]
Capt. Herbert Sobel : Name.
Joseph Liebgott : Liebgott, Joseph D., sir.
[he presents his rifle for inspection]
Capt. Herbert Sobel : [Sobel pulls Liebgott's bayonet out of its sheath and examines it] Rusty bayonet, Liebgott. You wanna kill Germans?
Joseph Liebgott : Yes, sir.
Capt. Herbert Sobel : [Sobel hits Liebgott's helmet with the bayonet] Not with this.
[he walks out in front of the company and holds the bayonet up for every man to see]
Capt. Herbert Sobel : I wouldn't take this rusty piece of shit to war, and I will not take *you* to war in your condition!
[he thrusts the bayonet into the ground]
Capt. Herbert Sobel : Now, thanks to these men and their infractions, every man in the company who had a weekend pass... has lost it.
[pause]
Capt. Herbert Sobel : Change into your PT gear, we're running Currahee.
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Donald Malarkey : [the men are going over Heffron and Spina's run-in with the German in the foxhole] He shoulda shot Hinkel in the ass.
Warren Muck : Then he woulda shot *him* in the ass.
[the men start laughing]
Pvt. Edward 'Babe' Heffron : [Domingus comes around with stale pancakes and shovels them into everyone's mess tin] Hey, God bless ya.
Donald Malarkey : Joe, these smell like my armpit!
Warren Muck : [holding up one of the pancakes] At least your armpit's warm.
Joe Domingus : You want syrup with that?
Donald Malarkey : Joe, be honest, what's in these things anyway, huh?
Joe Domingus : Nothing you won't eat, Malarkey.
[he walks away]
Pvt. Ralph Spina : I won't eat Malarkey.
[they all start laughing again]
Pvt. John T. Julian : Hey, hey, maybe Hinkel would like your share, huh?
Pvt. Edward 'Babe' Heffron : I shoulda shot him when I had the chance.
Warren Muck : What, running backwards, Babe?
2nd Lt. Thomas Peacock : [Lt. Peacock walks up] Anybody seen Lieutenant Dike?
Donald Malarkey : Uh, try battalion CP, sir.
[Peacock walks away, and the men start giggling once he is out of earshot]
Warren Muck : Try Paris.
Donald Malarkey : Try Hinkel.
[they all crack up again]
Pvt. Ralph Spina : [Spina puts on a bad German accent and makes to hug Heffron] Hinkel, sveetie, I'm home!
Pvt. Edward 'Babe' Heffron : [Heffron turns to Doc Roe, who is sitting nearby] Hey Eugene, Lieutenant Dike's got a full aid kit, try him.
Donald Malarkey : Yeah, I'm sure he's not usin' his.
[the men laugh again]
Pvt. John T. Julian : Maybe Hinkel's got a syrette for ya.
Warren Muck : Eat your strudel.
Donald Malarkey : [in his own bad German accent] Hey, Hinkel-Vinkel, eat ze armpit, huh?
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Bill Guarnere : My brother's in North Africa. He says it's hot.
Donald Malarkey : Really? It's hot in Africa?
Bill Guarnere : Shut up!
