Family Fortunes (1980–2023)

Max Bygraves: Self - Host

Quotes 

• [from Big Money] 

  Max Bygraves : Name something people take with them to the beach.

  Bob Johnson : Turkey.

  Max Bygraves : The first thing you buy in a supermarket.

  Bob Johnson : [laughs]  Uh, turkey.

  Max Bygraves : A food often stuffed.

  Bob Johnson : [laughs again]  Turkey!

• Max Bygraves : Give a slang word for "money".

  [Eva buzzes in] 

  Max Bygraves : Eva?

  Contestant : Bitch.

  [Bygraves, Eva and everyone start laughing] 

  Max Bygraves : Pardon? Bitch? Why do you say "bitch" for "money"?

  Contestant : But, "Mummy"...

  Max Bygraves : No, not "Mummy". "Money!"

  [audience laughs even harder] 

• Max Bygraves : Name a subject for a comedian's jokes.

  [the contestants hit their buzzers, but nothing happens until a few seconds later] 

  Max Bygraves : That's one of them.

• Max Bygraves : Living or dead, name a famous Irishman.

  [Bob buzzes in] 

  Max Bygraves : Yes?

  Bob Johnson : Disraeli.

  Max Bygraves : Disraeli? Is he Irish?

  Bob Johnson : [Almost laughing]  No.

  [audience laughter] 

• Max Bygraves : Any part of the body beginning with the letter N.

  Contestant : Knee.

  [audience laughter. Bygraves buries his face in his hands while laughing hard] 

• [Following a commercial break after the Famous Irishman fiasco] 

  Max Bygraves : Thank you. And welcome back to the Irish Embassy.

• Max Bygraves : We asked one hundred people what a man should know about a man before she marries him.

  [Lin buzzes in] 

  Max Bygraves : Just got it, Lin. What would you say?

  Contestant : His name.

  Max Bygraves : His what?

  Contestant : Name.

  [audience laughter] 

  Max Bygraves : [while laughing]  Yeah, wonderful, yeah, his name, yeah. It'd be lovely in the back of a car. "With whom am I having the pleasure?"

• [On Bob Johnson] 

  Max Bygraves : [to the audience]  I'll tell you what: you get idiots as well on this program.

  [Audience laughter] 

• Max Bygraves : Name something you do when visitors are expected.

  Contestant : Bake.

  [In very heavy Northern accent, making it sound like "Beak"] 

• Max Bygraves : Name something you like which is bad for you.

  Contestant : [Uneasily]  Sex?

  [audience laughter]