American Desi (2001)

Deep Katdare: Krishna Gopal Reddy, Kris

Quotes 

• Eric : I'm hungry. Did your mom give you some of her spicy balls?

  Krishna : Don't ever say "spicy balls" and "your mom" in the same sentence.

• Krishna : They've decided to try this new policy by housing people by major. It's kinda like when we were in kindergarten.

  [Picks up a picture and tosses it at Eric] 

  Krishna : Remember that, eh? When they grouped us by animals? You're gonna sit at the giraffe table, and-and you're gonna sit at the kangaroo table... Ever notice how every dumb kid always sat at the otter table? Every dumb ass I ever met always say at the otter table. I think they were trying to be nice by not calling them dumb to their face, you know?

  Eric : Hey! I sat at the otter table!

• [Eric and Krishna are in the car. Krishna turns on the car and Hindi music begins to play] 

  Krishna : Oh man!

  Eric : Dude, is that the new one from Third Eye Blind?

• Krishna : I am finally out of the house, man! And I am never going back!

• Eric : Hey Kris, you know that ceremony that your mom performed?

  Krishna : Don't ask me anything about it. I just wait there 'til she finishes.

  Eric : She was blessing us right? We're not married or anything?

  Krishna : What?

  Eric : It's just that I saw this documentary on the Discovery Channel, and it said that the dot was a symbol of marriage.

  Krishna : Look man, whatever it means, If I were you, I'd wipe that shit off your forehead before you start attracting Hari Krishnas or something.

• Krishna : This is your dream, don't ever give up on that.

• Salim : All right, who's hungry? My mummy made some fantastic Chicken Tikka Masala.

  [Opens container in front of Krishna's face] 

  Krishna : Oh god! Get that shit out of my face!

• Krishna : This place smells worse than my house!

  Eric : You've only been there a couple of hours, how bad can it be?

  Krishna : How bad can it be? Well let's see, Bachelor #1, who hasn't shut up since I got here, thinks we're some long-lost brothers from the old country. Bachelor #2 has managed to permanently stink up the place with his mother's cooking. And Bachelor #3, get this, thinks he's some reincarnation of M.C. Hammer.

• Krishna : Hi, buy me a pizza?

  Nina : Excuse me?

  Krishna : Buy me a pizza.

  Nina : Buy you a pizza?

  Krishna : Yeah I'm really hungry and I'm totally tapped out of cash and I know this great pizza place around the corner. And I was wondering if you'd buy me a pizza?

  Nina : No are you crazy, I'm not gonna buy you a pizza. I don't know if you know how this works but you're the one buying me a pizza.

  Krishna : Okay.

  Nina : Okay what?

  Krishna : Okay I'll buy you a pizza, all you had to do was ask.

  Nina : Wait a minute, you just said that you were tapped out of cash.

  Krishna : I am, but it's not everyday that beautiful girl, like yourself, asks a guy like me out to pizza. Trust me, I'll find a away to scrap up the money.

  Nina : Cute. Very cute. I never heard a pickup line that devious before. I may have to try it myself sometime.

• [Rakesh talks in Hindi to Krishna] 

  Krishna : What?

  Chandu and Hemant : He said nice titties! Boing!

• [Watching Hindi Movies] 

  Krishna : This is driving me crazy!... It's been 10 minutes, aren't we due for another song-and-dance sequence?

  [Song-and-dance sequence begins] 

  Krishna : Good I was starting to get worried... What is this? The next day? They've all changed clothes!... I've seen porno films with better storylines than this, honestly!

  [Rakesh and Nina leave in aggravation] 

  Jagjit : Good job, yaar. Insulting Hindi films and admitting to watching Porno.

  Salim : Maybe next time you can mention your bout with gonorrhea.

• Jagjit : You go to the grocery store and pick up a couple of things. Ajay, you go back an prepare the kitchen. I'll go deliver the invitations.

  Krishna : How about you get that stuff, and I'll ask out Nina. Huh?

  Jagjit : That's your problem, yaar. You think too much like an American. If you want to get an Indian girl, you have to think like an Indian. You need to use Indian technique. You need a go-between. Now go!

• Krishna : Excuse me sir, can you tell me where I can find the

  [mispronouncing] 

  Krishna : "nan"?

  Grocer : The "nan"?... Go to the back and to the left. Let me make a suggestion, try the Rogani "nan." It is the best quality.

• Nina : Yeah to dance, I figured it would be nice to learn something about your own culture.

  Krishna : My culture? What do you want me to learn? That I come from a country where the concept of toilet paper is still a myth? That kids let their parents decide who their going to marry? What?

• Krishna : I don't know what happened back there. Maybe I had a little too much to drink.

  Nina : So that's supposed to make it all right? I'm sorry, I just can't accept that as an excuse. Maybe I'm just a little old fashioned and traditional or maybe I'm just a little too Indian for your taste!

  Krishna : Too Indian? Why does it always have to be about Indian culture? You know, Why? Why can't it just be about us?

  Nina : 'Cause I am Indian. And if you can't stand anything Indian, there is no us.

• Nina : I was just thinking of how mean I was to you. And I didn't try to see it from your side, I was being selfish and for that, I'm sorry.

  Krishna : No, Nina, I'm the one who should be sorry. I'm the one who was being selfish, insensitive, you were right. I was being an ass! I'm the one who should be saying I'm sorry!

  Nina : Okay.

  Krishna : Okay, what?

  Nina : Okay, I accept your apology. All you had to do was ask.

  Krishna : Wait a minute, I don't get it.

  Nina : It's not every day that a good-looking guy apologizes for his behavior. I mean a girl has got to take it when she can. I mean who knows when it'll happen again, right?

  Krishna : Cute, very cute. That's a clever line, where'd you pick it up?

  Nina : This A.B.C.D. tried to use it on me once, it was so pathetic.

• [Krishna and Nina are watching a Hindi film, Krishna continues to insult them] 

  Krishna : Hey, don't you think there should be a song by now? I think it's been TEN MINUTES!