The Grinch Grinches the Cat in the Hat (1982 TV Short)

Bob Holt: The Grinch, The Grinch's Reflection, Waiter, The Grinch's Mother

Quotes 

• The Grinch : [cheerfully to his own reflection in the mirror]  And a very good morning to you, Mr. Grinch.

  The Grinch's Reflection : [infuriated]  Oh, it is, is it?

  The Grinch : Well, it seems so... sort of.

  The Grinch's Reflection : I see nothing to whistle about. You must be out of your head, no doubt. I think the time has come for thee to repeat the Grinch's oath with me.

  The Grinch , The Grinch's Reflection : [in unison]  A Grinch is unhelpful, unfriendly, unkind.

  The Grinch's Reflection : With ungracious thoughts...

  The Grinch : ...in an unhealthy mind.

  The Grinch's Reflection : A Grinch is uncheerful, uncouth and unclean. Now say this together!

  The Grinch , The Grinch's Reflection : I'm frightfully mean! My eyes are both shifty. My fingers are thrifty.

  The Grinch : My mouth will not smile.

  The Grinch's Reflection : Not half of an inch.

  The Grinch : I'm a Grinch.

  The Grinch's Reflection : I... am a Grinch.

  The Grinch : I'm a Grinch!

  The Grinch's Reflection : That's my boy. Now go out and prove it!

• The Cat in the Hat : That Grinch. That Grinch! That psychopathic Grinch!

  [pacing back and forth] 

  The Cat in the Hat : Why is a Grinch? What makes him tick? Why is his Grinch brain sick, sick, sick? Oh boy, if I had a psychiatrist couch, I'd find out what's wrong with that Grinchy grouch.

  [a thought bubble appears above the Cat. Inside the bubble, the Grinch is seen reclining on a psychiatrist couch] 

  The Grinch : [in bubble]  That's a lot of rot.

  The Cat in the Hat : [talking to Grinch in bubble; singsong voice]  Is there something in your family tree that causes Grinch delinquency?

  The Grinch : Absolutely not.

  The Cat in the Hat : As a boy, were you never a good Boy Scout? Did you ever eat too much sauerkraut? Did your schoolteacher say that you were a fool? Did you dive in an empty swimming pool?

  The Grinch : Positively not!

  The Cat in the Hat : Did you fight a lot with your older sisters? Did you suffer from poison ivy blisters? The shoes that you wore, were they too tight? Were you afraid to go out in the dark at night? Did some big bully steal your kite? Your teeth, was there something wrong with your bite? Or maybe your mother didn't treat you right?

  The Grinch : Mama? Absotively, posilutely, that's a lot of rot!

  [He reaches out of the bubble and grabs the Cat's hat. He pulls it down over him, hiding his face and most of his body. The thought bubble disappears] 

  The Cat in the Hat : [muffled]  Hmm, one of the most difficult patients I ever had. I'm going to have to make a house call.

• The Grinch : [describing his machine that messes up voices]  This, sir, is my Acoustical Anti-Audial Bleeper, otherwise known as my Vacu-Sound Sweeper.

  The Cat in the Hat : That? That's the darn thing that makes the sounds sound stupid?

  The Grinch : It sucks out of the air every noise, every sound and gargles the sound waves for 50 miles 'round! Nifty little contraption, isn't it?

  The Cat in the Hat : It's implausible, it's impossible, it's unreasonable and unlausible. Such things never happen in the middle of the day, and if they do, I ignore them, and they're bound to go away.

  [the Grinch activates his VacuSound Sweeper, gargling the Cat's dialog] 

  The Grinch : [cackling]  From now on, you will hear what I want you to hear.

• The Cat in the Hat : That Grinch... that Grinch! Deep inside his freaky freakness, there must be a soft spot. There must be a weakness. Despite the grim fact that he's depraved and deranged, I will find that soft spot! That Grinch can be changed! He hates cows, he hates cats, he hates frogs, he hates doves! Is there no one, no one, nobody he loves?

  The Grinch : [in thought bubble]  Absolutely not! That's a lot of rot!

  [puts his thumb in his mouth and disappears] 

  The Cat in the Hat : [suddenly gets an idea]  Row-de-dow! I've got it! I've got it! I've got the Grinch psychologicalized!

  [points to various people in the restaurant] 

  The Cat in the Hat : You, you, you, and you! Follow me, men and madame. We're going to ungrinch the Grinch!

  [leads everyone out of the restaurant] 

• The Grinch : That cat! That beezleberry cat! I've smuggled his sound! Now I'll even do more! Take this up to my shop on the 39th floor. That cat's gonna suffer like never before!

• The Cat in the Hat : [to the Grinch]  I deeply deplore any inconvenience out of these that I may have caused you Mr... Green Face.

  The Grinch : [shocked and angry]  Green Face?

• The Grinch : Max, do you know what a lighthouse is? A lighthouse makes light. So, just for a lark, I built me a darkhouse. A darkhouse makes dark. I just push a button up here in this place, and you can't see your mitten in front of your face!

• The Grinch : I'm the puzzle, the master of everyone's ears!

• The Grinch : [singing about his new machine]  This is the little gear, and as you know, / It goes 'round and it makes the bigger gear go, / And the bigger gear turns the elliptical scrunch, / Which in turn is attached to the dratsital thrust, / Which rotates the flange of the salamar gotch, / And that decompresses the spatulet springs, / Which fluctuate 'round in the rabulous rings, / Which heats up the pongs and they heat up the pings, / And that brings about the most horrible things!

  [cackles]