Down to Earth (2001)

Chris Rock: Lance Barton

Photos 

Quotes 

• Lance Barton : I had a hard enough time trying to get this girl as a rich white man. Do you know how hard it's gonna be to try to get her as a broke black man?

• [after learning that he wasn't supposed to die] 

  Lance Barton : You killed me! You killed me! You killed me!

• Lance Barton : Shut up before I crush you with my wallet!

• [reincarnated for the second time as 'Joe Guy', Lance tries to hail a taxi, but they keep driving past him] 

  Lance Barton : I'm a black again! I'm a black man!

• Lance Barton : My father's so cheap... that when we went to bed, he'd unplug the alarm clocks. "You can't tell time when you are asleep".

• Lance Barton : From now on, we need to make a new slogan. If you get shot in the head, you get a bed. If your head is bloody, we're your buddy.

• Lance Barton : Look, I don't have a problem with Sontee. I wanna ask her on a date.

  Mrs. Wellington : Oh, Charles!

  Lance Barton : Don't "Oh, Charles" me! You were gonna have sex on the pool table! You got an 8 ball in your ass!

• Lance Barton : We're goin' in there. If you can walk, let's walk. If you can't walk, it's time to roll. If you have crutches, then crutch your ass in there!

• Lance Barton : What is this place?

  Keyes : This is heaven.

  Lance Barton : Oh, right, I've had this dream before. Is Pac in there?

• Lance Barton : You see this foot? It's from a little town called "Rich Man's Ass" and it's getting' homesick!

• Lance Barton : I got hit by a truck, I got smashed by a car, I got shot. And now you want to take my soul? What are you, the Blair Witch?

• [after almost getting in a car accident] 

  Lance Barton : Sontee, you okay?

  Sontee Jenkins : Yeah, I'm okay, Cisco, you okay?

  Cisco : Yeah, I'm okay, Wanda, you okay?

  Wanda : Hell no! I spilled my drink!

• Lance Barton : [as Joe Guy, referring to Wanda's paint-stained coat]  You know, your coat's bleeding.

  Wanda : Mind yo' business!

• Lance Barton : Didn't your momma ever tell you to carry an extra handcuff key?

• Lance Barton : Tiger Woods Y'all, Tiger Woods Y'all!, Tiger Tiger Tiger Tiger Tiger Woods Y'all!

• Lance Barton : When I was a kid, we were so poor... that the roaches was on welfare.

• [Lance and King looking at Charles Wellington's body] 

  Lance Barton : How am I supposed to get laughs lookin' like him?

  King : Aw, c'mon, he looks funny to me.

  Lance Barton : I already get booed, do I really have to be beat down on it?

• Lance Barton : If you're good looking, you're gonna succeed through life. If you're ugly, you better pick up a book. Boy, you better pick up two books, and a computer while you're at it!

• Lance Barton : There's a big rap concert in the Bronx tonight. Somebody's gonna die.

• Sontee Jenkins : What kind of man are you?

  Lance Barton : Sounds like I'm an asshole!

• Lance Barton : Hey I still look like me.

  King : You are you.

  Lance Barton : I thought I was Wellington.

  King : You are Wellington.

  Lance Barton : Well thanks for clearing that up.

• Lance Barton : [As Charles Wellington, after offering Wanda a raise] 

  Lance Barton : Are you happy?

  Wanda : I'm estatic.

• Lance Barton : You know, the first kiss is always in the middle of a sentence. It's always like, "Tomorrow I'm going to the zoo to see the monkeys and..."

  [kiss] 

  Sontee Jenkins : Or it could be like..."Did you hear about that new war in Russia? I heard..."

  [kiss] 

  Lance Barton : So I can call you, right? I mean, just to talk.