Wet Hot American Summer (2001)

Christopher Meloni: Gene

Photos 

Quotes 

• Gene : Now, we need to make 8 gallons of bug juice by snack hour; do you know where the powder packets are?

  Gary : [irritated]  Yeah.

  Gene : In the pantry, above the sink, right next to my bottle of dick cream... Uh, wait, forget that last part.

  Gary : Did you say dick cream?

  Gene : No! I said next to my... stick... team, you know, stick team! Stickball! Go away, leave me alone!

• [Coop is sobbing, Gene appears from nowhere] 

  Gene : Be proud of who you are.

  Coop : Huh? Gene?

  Gene : Shh... it isn't about the girl, Coop.

  Coop : It isn't?

  Gene : Well, it is. But see if you can follow me here... it

  [long pause] 

  Gene : ... isn't.

  Coop : Oh. So it is... and it isn't.

  [pause, wind blows] 

  Gene : You are ready to be taught the new way.

  Coop : Will you teach me about this - what is it? A new way?

  [bird calls] 

• Gene : Now finish up them taters; I'm gonna go fondle my sweaters.

  Gary : Come on - what?

  Gene : Finish up the taters.

  Gary : And then what did you say?

  Gene : And then what did I say?

  Gary : You said you were going to... fondle your sweaters.

  Gene : Ah, uh - no I didn't. I said... fondue the cheddar... I was thinking about making fondue with cheddar cheese for dinner tonight.

  Gary : No, Gene, that is *not* what you said.

  Gene : That *is* what I said. Fondue cheddar.

• Gene : I wanna thank all of you for a terrific summer. Cooking for all you nice people has really helped me get over the fact that I fought in the Vietnam War. Have a great winter, I'm gonna go hump the fridge.

  Beth : What?

  Gene : [Gene pauses, then turns around confidently]  Yes folks, it's true. I said I'm gonna go hump the fridge. What you may not know is that I also own a bottle of dick cream, I fondle my sweaters, and I often like to smear mud on my ass. You're probably asking yourselves, "Isn't he a weirdo, outcast, loose cannon?" Maybe. I don't think so. I wanna introduce you guys to someone. This is my friend.

  [Gene holds out a can of vegetables] 

  Gene : I don't know who he is, but I do know this: At a time when I was trying to hide myself from myself, he was there to show me a new way. 'Cause I couldn't hide from him. And I can be proud of who I am. I put it to you, Camp Firewood, as we spend this last dinner together: Be proud of who you are! Look at me, Ma, I made it! I'm okay!

  [the campers and faculty erupt into cheers] 

  Gene : Now if you don't mind, I have some unfinished business to attend to.

  [Gary wheels out a refrigerator. Gene climbs on board and begins to gently hump it while the rest of the cafeteria applauds]