A silly and predominantly softcore sex farce with some hardcore scenes. The humorous narrator explains the sex habits of the twelve signs of the zodiac as the ancient Roman festival of Venus... Read allA silly and predominantly softcore sex farce with some hardcore scenes. The humorous narrator explains the sex habits of the twelve signs of the zodiac as the ancient Roman festival of Venus presided by the goddess herself begins.A silly and predominantly softcore sex farce with some hardcore scenes. The humorous narrator explains the sex habits of the twelve signs of the zodiac as the ancient Roman festival of Venus presided by the goddess herself begins.
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Egregriously poor early mix of XXX content with failed humor
Most early pornographers had no illusion about what they were creating, so many of the crude porn films from circa 1970/1971 have a quaint charm about them.
But fresh from making big bucks with his "first in the market" documentary porn "Man and Wife" and "He and She" a slumming filmmaker Matt Cimber looks way down his nose at the customers with "Sex and Astrology", a lengthy insult posing as feature film.
As in the previous junk porn, he doles out explicit sex, generally fleeting shots of blow jobs plus clearly penetrating intercourse though the "proof" closeups are missing of latter (no money shots permitted) that perhaps adds up to 40 seconds of real porn content in 82 minutes of sludge. The slapstick humor in the Mel Brooks vein is horrendous and the MOS film is burdened with a sniggering narration that mixes dirty jokes with ridiculously fake descriptions of characteristics of the people born under each sign of the zodiac. This latter auditory noise is perhaps meant to be the movie's "socially redeeming content".
Structure is built around a festival/orgy to the Goddess Venus, accompanied by two dwarfs painted pink and blue representing her son Cupid and daughter-in- law Psyche. Apparently Cimber had seen Fellini's influential film "Satyricon" and foolishly emulated the maestro.
Each of the 12 skits running from Aries through Pisces on the calendar is a sort of burlesqued sex vignette, with many multiple role cast members utilized, that range from insulting to a strong strain of homoeroticism. It is the Gay (or Gay- baiting depending on your point-of-view) content that marks "Astrology" as different from most porn, even today, when Gay and Mainstream (latter includes lesbian and transsexual porn) are completely segregated both at the production level and especially at the marketing level.
In the homoerotic camp is a snake dance by a nude guy (carrying huge snake) under the sign of Aquarius, leading to a soft-core ballet with a girl whose big dark nipples were the high point of the film for me. The ballet is accompanied by Flamenco music, typical of the mindlessness of the entire show.
Stock footage of bull fights, football, Sumo wrestling and baseball is thrown in and the music track is consistently lousy, starting off with porn's most oft-played library music, a folksy, dreamy instrumental one observes in countless early "romantic" porn sequences. Libra folk are represented by hermaphrodites, which Cimber pictures as guys dressing up as girls in a backstage modern dressing room with dubbed effeminate chit-chat sealing the insult on the soundtrack.
I'm a Sagittarian, and our sign is given to a Centaur, though the guy is merely wearing hairy chaps rather than a full man/horse costume. Just my luck, he doesn't get any sex at all, the narrator informing us that for this sign it's all about the pursuit.
The other Zodiac signs fare little better, and the drivel quotient of the voice-over becomes nauseating by film's end. Back at the orgy, which is shown in brief interstitial scenes, we have lots of silliness and busty topless Venus almost giving a blow job (you can't see it) to the frustrated lover of hers who is named Rock Bottom. Obviously a Freudian slip describing the film rather than that character.
My only personal observation came right at the beginning, where Steve Allen's immortal (but I daresay unknown to folks not as old as I am) cry of "Smock! Smock!" is stolen as a gag in the dubbing of the first festival scene. I would rather watch a random kinescope of any Steve Allen show, with his jazz performing guests and the inevitable nonsense appearance of Gypsy Boots, than have to suffer through more Cimber junk, but the boys at Vinegar Syndrome are surely warming up another loser from the vaults to tempt me in the not so distant future.
But fresh from making big bucks with his "first in the market" documentary porn "Man and Wife" and "He and She" a slumming filmmaker Matt Cimber looks way down his nose at the customers with "Sex and Astrology", a lengthy insult posing as feature film.
As in the previous junk porn, he doles out explicit sex, generally fleeting shots of blow jobs plus clearly penetrating intercourse though the "proof" closeups are missing of latter (no money shots permitted) that perhaps adds up to 40 seconds of real porn content in 82 minutes of sludge. The slapstick humor in the Mel Brooks vein is horrendous and the MOS film is burdened with a sniggering narration that mixes dirty jokes with ridiculously fake descriptions of characteristics of the people born under each sign of the zodiac. This latter auditory noise is perhaps meant to be the movie's "socially redeeming content".
Structure is built around a festival/orgy to the Goddess Venus, accompanied by two dwarfs painted pink and blue representing her son Cupid and daughter-in- law Psyche. Apparently Cimber had seen Fellini's influential film "Satyricon" and foolishly emulated the maestro.
Each of the 12 skits running from Aries through Pisces on the calendar is a sort of burlesqued sex vignette, with many multiple role cast members utilized, that range from insulting to a strong strain of homoeroticism. It is the Gay (or Gay- baiting depending on your point-of-view) content that marks "Astrology" as different from most porn, even today, when Gay and Mainstream (latter includes lesbian and transsexual porn) are completely segregated both at the production level and especially at the marketing level.
In the homoerotic camp is a snake dance by a nude guy (carrying huge snake) under the sign of Aquarius, leading to a soft-core ballet with a girl whose big dark nipples were the high point of the film for me. The ballet is accompanied by Flamenco music, typical of the mindlessness of the entire show.
Stock footage of bull fights, football, Sumo wrestling and baseball is thrown in and the music track is consistently lousy, starting off with porn's most oft-played library music, a folksy, dreamy instrumental one observes in countless early "romantic" porn sequences. Libra folk are represented by hermaphrodites, which Cimber pictures as guys dressing up as girls in a backstage modern dressing room with dubbed effeminate chit-chat sealing the insult on the soundtrack.
I'm a Sagittarian, and our sign is given to a Centaur, though the guy is merely wearing hairy chaps rather than a full man/horse costume. Just my luck, he doesn't get any sex at all, the narrator informing us that for this sign it's all about the pursuit.
The other Zodiac signs fare little better, and the drivel quotient of the voice-over becomes nauseating by film's end. Back at the orgy, which is shown in brief interstitial scenes, we have lots of silliness and busty topless Venus almost giving a blow job (you can't see it) to the frustrated lover of hers who is named Rock Bottom. Obviously a Freudian slip describing the film rather than that character.
My only personal observation came right at the beginning, where Steve Allen's immortal (but I daresay unknown to folks not as old as I am) cry of "Smock! Smock!" is stolen as a gag in the dubbing of the first festival scene. I would rather watch a random kinescope of any Steve Allen show, with his jazz performing guests and the inevitable nonsense appearance of Gypsy Boots, than have to suffer through more Cimber junk, but the boys at Vinegar Syndrome are surely warming up another loser from the vaults to tempt me in the not so distant future.
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- lor_
- Jun 1, 2016
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