Serving Sara (2002)

Julio Cesar Cedillo: Marriott Hotel Clerk

Quotes 

• Sara Moore : [as Joe pretends to be asleep]  Hey. Hey. I've got another question. How do people do it?

  Sara Moore : [No response]  I know you're awake, so stop pretending to be asleep.

  Joe Tyler : Actually, I was pretending to be dead, but can't fool you.

  Sara Moore : How can someone end a marriage like that? Just... pow!

  Joe Tyler : Look, are you telling me that you didn't see this coming? Let me guess: a lot of trips out of town? "Go ahead, honey. Go ahead. Don't worry your pretty little head. I'll take care of the homestead". Not to mention those extra poker nights with the boys.

  Sara Moore : Gordon doesn't play poker.

  Joe Tyler : You're missing my point. Look, I have served thousands of subpoenas. Granted, never one to somebody as hot as you. I don't know your husband, but I do have a great deal of insight to men and we are mean, hurtful, and despicable. Male Headquarters would kill me if they knew I was telling you this.

  Sara Moore : Yeah, well, despicable is putting it mildly. But then, you complain that we get half of everything. Believe me, with this type of treatment, half is the very least we should get.

  Joe Tyler : The only thing you're getting half of, honey, is screwed.

  Sara Moore : What do you mean?

  Joe Tyler : He served you first. He's in Texas. He's got home-court advantage.

  Sara Moore : What? Wait, served me first. What is this? Third grade?

  Joe Tyler : Yeah. Sometimes. Texas has some of the most conservative divorce laws in the country. Not to mention those good ol' boy judges. I'm sure most of them aren't married to their first wives.

  Sara Moore : Believe me, if I'd known this was coming, I would've been the one doing the serving.

  Joe Tyler : [Whispering]  Yeah.

  Sara Moore : How about that, huh?

  Joe Tyler : Whatever.

  Sara Moore : No, seriously. What would have happened if I had served him first?

  Joe Tyler : OK. If you had served him first, the trial would have been in New York, not in Texas, where you would have fared a lot better. 50% better, actually.

  Sara Moore : Hey, I have a proposition for you: You tear up the papers on me and I'll hire you to serve my husband, I'll pay you twice what you're getting now.

  Joe Tyler : Look, here's where you don't understand. I've already told them that I served you, OK? So, if I flip it and tag your husband, my reputation will be shot, I'll never work again.

  Sara Moore : I'll give you 10% of my divorce settlement.

  Sara Moore : [Joe scoffs]  We own a cattle ranch, it's $20,000,000.

  Joe Tyler : $20,000,000?

  Sara Moore : Mm-hmm.

  Joe Tyler : 10% of half?

  Sara Moore : Mm-hmm.

  Joe Tyler : You're willing to pay me $1,000,000?

  Sara Moore : Well, that still leaves 9 for me versus next to nothing. It's kind of a no-brainer.

  Joe Tyler : You're really serious?

  Sara Moore : I think we should draw up a contract.

  Sara Moore : [She takes a picture of herself and Gordon and tears it in half]  Won't be needing this.

  Sara Moore : [Writing on the back of the picture]  One...

  Sara Moore , Joe Tyler : ...Million...

  Joe Tyler : [Taking the picture]  ... Dollars. Great. Let's go.

  Sara Moore : [Getting off the bus with Joe]  Thanks a lot.

  Marriott Hotel Clerk : [Answering Joe's phone call]  Miami Marriott?

  Joe Tyler : If anybody calls for Miss Sara Moore, tell them she's relocated to one of your hotels in Bangor, Maine.

  Marriott Hotel Clerk : [Writing down the message]  Bangor, Maine.

  Joe Tyler : That's right. Bangor, Maine. That's where she'll be.