The Girl Next Door (2004)

Christopher Rodriguez Marquette: Eli

Photos 

Quotes 

• Mrs. Kidman : Eli, do those girls go to your school?

  Eli : Actually, no, Mrs. Kidman, they're porn stars.

• Eli : [as Danielle walks ahead]  Dude!

  Matthew : I know.

  [smiles] 

  Klitz : [also in awe]  Dude!

  Matthew : I know.

  [smiles] 

• Eli : Okay, you know what the three of us are? We're a tripod.

  Klitz : A tripod?

  Eli : Yes, a tripod. Which means that if you knock out one of our legs, WE-ALL-FALL!

• Eli : Dude, don't mess this up.

  Matthew : Mess what up?

  Eli : Matt, she's a porn star! Okay? Take her to a motel room and bang her like a beast!

  Matthew : Eli, I like this girl.

  Eli : And you can still like her with your penis inside her. Matthew, I tell you that you're going to regret this. What would JFK do? You know he'd tap that ass.

  Matthew : Eli, I'm never going to see her again.

  Eli : Oh, you know what? Fine!

  Matthew : Fine!

  Eli : Fine!

  [pause during scene change] 

  Eli : Goddammit Matt! I swear to God if you don't fuck her, I'll kill myself! Matt! Please! Please, Matt! Fuck her for me! For me!

• Eli : [after realizing that Matt has accidentally taken E]  Oh, my God, this is gonna be *amazing*!

• [repeated line] 

  Eli : Minions, let's move.

  [snaps] 

• [at Q&A with Eli at a college school] 

  Film School Student : Why'd you skip film school? Don't you think you're a little young?

  Eli : SHUT THE FUCK UP! Next question.

• Eli : Learn to like it.

• Eli : I could make a better sex-ed film with my mom!

• Matthew : Do you have the fever?

  Klitz : No. Why? Do you?

  Matthew : I don't know. Maybe.

  [turns to Eli] 

  Matthew : 'Bout you?

  Eli : I just gotta fuck something.

• Karate Guy in Porn Film : Oooh, excellent, grasshopper. And now, for the final task of your training.

  Danielle : You're gonna need a harder piece of wood that that, cowboy.

  Matthew : That's not her.

  Eli : Yeah, it is.

  Matthew : Oh, no.

  Eli : Oh, yeah.

• Mrs. Kidman : Do these girls go to your high school?

  Eli : No, Mrs Kidman. They're porn stars.

• Eli : Matt, time to go, time to go!

  Matthew : What happened?

  Klitz : It got bad. Bolt! Bolt!

  Klitz : [running away]  Dude, wait up!

  Eli : [running in front of Klitz]  Fuck you, dude!

• Eli : God, I just wanna bang hot chicks!

• Matthew : Oh my god, she's so hot.

  Eli : What channel, dude?

• Eli : Minions!

• Matthew : [at the porn convention]  Oh, by the way, if things get bad, just bolt, okay?

  Eli : What? Bro, what do you mean, "if things get bad?"

  Matthew : Just bolt.

  [goes off] 

  Eli : [to Klitz]  Bro, what's he talking about?