Rich Little: W.C. Fields as Scrooge, Paul Lynde as Bob Cratchit, Humphrey Bogart as the Ghost of Christmas Past, Peter Falk as the Ghost of Christmas Present, Peter Sellers as the Ghost of Christmas Yet-to-Come, Richard Nixon as Jacob Marley, Truman Capote as Tiny Tim, Groucho Marx as Fezziwig, Edith Bunker as Mrs. Cratchit, Johnny Carson as Nephew Fred, Jimmy Stewart as Dick Wilkins, John Wayne as Businessman, George Burns as Businessman, Jack Benny as Boy Outside Window, James Mason as Businessman, Stan Laurel as Charity Solicitor, Oliver Hardy as Charity Solicitor

W.C. Fields as Scrooge : He once told me to treat the warehouse like it was my own.

Humphrey Bogart : What did you do?

W.C. Fields as Scrooge : I sold it.
Paul Lynde as Bob Cratchit : Do you know he's so cheap he even has a burglar alarm on his garbage cans?
Oliver Hardy : We were wondering if you would like to make a small donation for the poor.

W.C. Fields as Scrooge : Ah, no.

Stan Laurel : In that case, how would you like to make a large donation?

W.C. Fields as Scrooge : Not interested. When I give to charity I wish to remain anonymous. That's why I never sign the check.

Oliver Hardy : But sir! What are we going to tell the poor, the needy and the destitute?

W.C. Fields as Scrooge : Ah, tell them to use Hamburger Helper.

Stan Laurel : Well that a wonderful idea Ollie. I bet they never thought of that!
Peter Sellers as Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come : [after tripping over a bottle on the floor] The man who invented the bottle should be shot! I think he was shot when he invented the bottle!

See also