- Brian Conley - Host: [as Septic Peg] Good evening, I am... Septic Peg! Gazing into my crystal, I can clearly see who will become this week's lucky millionaire! They buy something - It's a lottery ticket and they're writing the winning numbers on it. I also see that this week's winner will be a person who has - a heartbeat. And they will live somewhere in this country. They are male or female or Russell Grant! I foresee a fortune for myself, the numbers 9 - 25 play a big part, because that's the price of my latest video
- [Holds up a videotape of Septic Peg Predicts]
- Brian Conley - Host: On sale now! Some numbers are deemed lucky, other numbers unlucky and are very much like unlucky numbers, because I fancy Shane Richie! But the winner of the lottery should have these numbers 9 - 23 - 8 - 1 - 7 - 4 - 3! And soon as you've won, call me because that's my telephone number! Goodnight!
- Brian Conley - Host: [as Nick Frisbee] # You better not shout / you better not cry / You better not shout / I'm telling you why / Santa Claus is dead!