The 73rd Annual Academy Awards (2001 TV Special)

Steve Martin: Self - Host

Quotes 

• Steve Martin : [on prepping the Best Actor category]  ... a homosexual poet, a guy who talks with his volleyball, and a man who dresses up in gladiator outfits... but enough about me.

• Steve Martin : [after Björk's performance]  I was going to wear my swan, but to me they are so last year. But I'm glad Björk's working again after her disastrous Supreme Court trial.

• Steve Martin : By the way, that introduction cost the government $1 trillion, so there goes your tax cut.

• Steve Martin : You know, I saw the movie "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon," and I didn't see any tigers or dragons. Then I realized, it's because they're crouching and hidden.

• Steve Martin : Please hold your applause, until it's about me.

• Steve Martin : The FBI has just announced a suspect in the plot to kidnap Russell Crowe... and all I can say is, Tom Hanks, you should be ashamed of yourself.

• Steve Martin : By the way, be sure to stay tuned for the whole show, because at the end of the night we are going to vote somebody out of show business.

• Steve Martin : An honorary award will go to 81-year-old producer Dino De Laurentiis, or as he's known to Anna Nicole Smith, 'fresh meat."

• Steve Martin : "Hosting is like making love to a beautiful woman... it's something I only get to do when Billy Crystal is out of town."

• Steve Martin : For me, hosting the academy awards is like making love to a beautiful woman. You can only do it when Billy Crystal's not in town.

• Steve Martin : Let's see, how are we doing on time? Oh, we got five hours!