Gallagher: The Maddest (1983 TV Special)

Gallagher: Self

Quotes 

• Gallagher : I see a switch on the wall; it has 'on' and 'off' on it. If it's on you can see it's on; if it's off you can't see to read.

• Gallagher : It's hard to go through life lookin' like a bowling ball wearin' a hula skirt.

• Gallagher : I don't scold my baby. I don't punish her. Cause I think she's too young, she don't know what she's doin'. But when she's fifteen, her ass is grounded.

• Gallagher : You don't want this child's earliest memory to be of you, shouting through a fog-filled car window, "Don't cry! Conserve your air! Daddy's sorry!"

• Gallagher : [rolls up his pants to untie his skates]  I wanna show you another thing that lacks style. And it ain't my leg.

• Gallagher : A bag of Fritos that I saw... it said, 'You may have won ten thousand dollars... no purchase necessary, details inside!'

• Gallagher : What'd I see the other day that lacks style... 'My wife ran off with Bigfoot'. You're gonna tell everyone in the world you're such a shit to live with that she ran off with a beast?

• Gallagher : We are not descended here from a bunch of fat cave people that got ate by the dinosaurs. We're all descendents from the little bitty quick fuckers that got back to the cave!

• Gallagher : That Sominex commercial on TV really says, "When someone you love can't sleep, drug 'em."

• Gallagher : I want to let you all know, He who hesitates is stoned!