- Zach Galifianakis: I like to go to really bad movies, during their sixth week at the theatre. And there's only one other person in the room. I like to sit *right* by that person. And they're like, 'excuse me', and I'm like, 'Shhh, I can't hear Keanu.'
- Zach Galifianakis: I've, uh, been working on some impressions, and I like to call this one a gay snake, ok. A gay snake:... sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss. Thank you.
- Zach Galifianakis: Here's a character I like to call the Timid Pimp. 'Hi, hi Amber? It's Marcus... yeah, I'll hold.'