The N.Y. Friars Club Roast of Hugh Hefner (2001 TV Special)
Drew Carey: Self
Quotes
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Drew Carey : Thank you, What's-your-name from cable. Let me just start out by saying Osama Bin Laden's a cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. I'll say it over and over - he's a cunt, and he looks like a cunt and he acts like a cunt. He looks like a bearded cunt with a turban on top. And I know he gets cable where he is. You cunt, you fucking bitch, cocksucker! I'm calling him a "cunt" because Comedy Central didn't want me to say "towel-head". He's a cocksucker, man, I'm telling you. I don't mean "cocksucker" in a bad way because I know Hef's girlfriends are here, I'm not tyring to...
Drew Carey : You know, most guys know their girlfriends names at least. "Hey Blondie" is not his cute nickname for you. Man, I was looking and I haven't seen this many fake tits since the last time I saw you.
Drew Carey : What I like best is how smart they
[the Bunnies]
Drew Carey : look. It's okay, they don't even know we're making fun of them, just relax.
Drew Carey : They
[the Bunnies]
Drew Carey : don't even know we're making fun of H-e-f and how o-l-d he is.
Drew Carey : Man, it probably felt like fucking a skeleton wrapped in wax paper.
Drew Carey : How do you know when he comes - does dust come out?
Drew Carey : Look at him. His balls are the least-wrinkly things on his body.
Drew Carey : I can talk about his balls because I was once a lover to Hugh Hefner.
[To Hefner]
Drew Carey : Hello Bubbles, it's been a long time.
[To the audience]
Drew Carey : I was new in Hollywood and one of his talent scouts spotted me at the bus station. Next thing you know, I've got a puppy and I'm living in the Mansion.
Drew Carey : I'd like to say thank you very much. You're responsible for making people not ashamed to have sex anymore. It's great what you've done. Thanks for letting us jack off to pictures of women you've already fucked. It's very nice of you, and I love you so much and thanks very much for letting me come here.
