The N.Y. Friars Club Roast of Hugh Hefner (2001 TV Special)

Hugh Hefner: Self

Photos 

Quotes 

• Sarah Silverman : Jimmy Kimmel, everyone. He's fat and has no charisma. Watch your back, Danny Aiello.

  Sarah Silverman : It's so good to be here. Drew Carey is here and I love him. He was so nice to me backstage, until he found out I wasn't a hooker.

  Sarah Silverman : You know I can't believe Alan King is such a legend, and he's here, and a nursing home in Florida just called. The last person who thinks you're funny just died. Is he laughing?

  Sarah Silverman : Dick Gregory. Oh my gosh, he deserves a round of applause just for being so old for his race. You know, is he the guy from the rice or the cookies? I never remember, but I know he's famous.

  Sarah Silverman : But this is about Hugh Hefner - a living legend, and, uh, look at your girlfriends - so beautiful. When are you going get serious? You know one day you might want one of them changing diapers. I mean if it gets too hard to do it yourself. Look at the smile on his face. He doesn't know where he is.

  Hugh M. Hefner : But he's happy...

  Sarah Silverman : Let's all talk about the whore- - the bunnies. No, bunnies aren't whores. They're paid monthly.

  Sarah Silverman : I think they should be role models in today's society, and I'm serious, especially for girls. If only for the fact that they wax their assholes. They deserve the Purple Heart for that. The Purple Asshole. I don't have the guts to do it. The closest I've ever come to waxing my asshole is once I got it washed and styled, but that doesn't hurt. Minus the curlers. Thank you! Happy birthday, Hef!

• Alan King : Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Friars have an age-old motto: We only roast the ones we love. Tonight we give lie to that bullshit. Hugh Hefner likes to be called "Hef", but in Hebrew spelled backwards, it's "Feh!" This pipe-puffing, pajama-wearing, perennial, perpetual, perverted, pornographic purveyor, puss-loving playboy...

  Hugh M. Hefner : That's a lot of p's...

  Alan King : A man who made jerking-off a national pass time. A man who thinks the Early-bird Special is eating pussy before six o'clock. As Abbot I hope I have set the tone for the evening to follow. And now I would like to introduce our roastmaster. So here's the man who does those wonderful segments on FOX NFL pre-game show, the star of Comedy Central's "The Man Show", welcome Jimmy Kimmel...

• Cedric the Entertainer : All right. 'Sup. It's good to be here at the Republican National Convention. This a trip. I ain't been around this many old, white folks since... This it. This the first time I've been around this many old-ass white folks. This the first time right here. This is just good.

  Cedric the Entertainer : Hef - you the oldest. Right on, brother. My man, Hugh Hefner, how you doing, brother?

  Hugh M. Hefner : Very well.

  Cedric the Entertainer : Cool, that's cool. I know you doing your thing, you know. Ladies, y'all looking nice, looking beautiful. How you doing?

  [to Hefner] 

  Cedric the Entertainer : Just trying to get me some in, you know what I'm saying? Share the wealth.

  Cedric the Entertainer : My real reason for being here is, uh, I just wanted to get invited to the Mansion. I've never been to the Mansion. That's why I came tonight.

  Cedric the Entertainer : So, Hef, invite me to the Mansion. I'm gonna come up there and kick it with you, you know? I'm ready. That's the whole thing. We gonna set it off. All I'm saying is, you know, let's do this.

  [Strips off his tuxedo to reveal white pajamas] 

  Cedric the Entertainer : So let's just the party off, whenever you're ready, Hef...