Old School (2003)

Vince Vaughn: Beanie

Photos 

Quotes 

• Mitch : I've had a hell of a day and even worse week. And all I want to do is get some fucking sleep.

  Beanie : Why in front of the kid? With the F-ing? All ya gotta do is say "earmuffs" to him. "Earmuffs". Then you can say "Fuck, shit, bitch", whatever you want.

  Frank : Cock. Balls.

  Beanie : I'm just trying to make a point, Frank. You don't have to celebrate it.

• Beanie : Yeah, that's it. I got a student alt rock band coming on next. Mitch, I own six speaker cities. I am worth three-and-a-half-million dollars that the government knows about. I got more electronics up there than a damn KISS concert. Tou think I'm gonna roll out this type of red carpet for a fucking marching band? Just make sure you can see the stage.

• Mitch : Wow. Cheese. Is that you?

  Dean Pritchard : Hello, Mitch. Bernard. I see you guys haven't changed much.

  Beanie : Who's this guy?

  Mitch : Beanie, you remember Cheese, Rodney's kid brother?

  Dean Pritchard : Actually, my name's not Cheese anymore. It's Gordon Pritchard.

  Beanie : Oh, yeah. Cheeeeeese. Yeah, didn't we lock you in a dumpster one time?

  Dean Pritchard : Yea, I got out.

  Beanie : Cool man. Good. Glad you did.

• Beanie : Don't beat yourself up over this, Mitch. It's not your fault. Dammit, Blue was old. That's what old people do. They die.

• Beanie : [after finding out that it's in the bylaw that the only way to keep the fraternity is take a course of tests but Beanie does not want to do it]  Who'se lives are ruined?

  Mitch Martin : Well, see. Blue's dead. Frank's divorced. I lost my house. Nicole thinks I'm a total jackass. And now we got nine kids who are gonna get expelled from school, and you're not even gonna help them.

• Beanie : Because this is a very big idea, my friends. We're talking about a non-exclusive egalitarian brotherhood where community status and, more importantly, age have bearing whatsoever.

• Beanie : I'd like to welcome you all to the Mitch Martin Freedom Festival. Now for those of you who don't know who Mitch Martin is, he's the very successful, very disease-free gentleman standing by the mini-bar. Now, courtesy of Speaker City, which is slashing prices on everything from beepers to DVD players, give a warm welcome Harrison welcome to my pal and your favorite, Snoop Dogg.

• Beanie : Spanish, what the hell are you doing?

  Spanish : I'm just going to get some water. This suit is crazy hot, yo.

  Beanie : Put your head back on. That can be very traumatic for the kids.

  Spanish : You're right, I'm sorry, sir.

  Beanie : Don't sorry me, babe. And shake the tail when you walk. You're better than that.

• Beanie : Don't say sorry to me, Frank. Say it to the baby.

  Frank : Sorry, baby.

• Beanie : Whose life is ruined?

  Mitch : Let's see. Blue's dead. Frank's divorced. I've lost my house. Nicole thinks I'm a total jackass. And we got nine kids who are gonna get expelled from school and you're not even gonna help them out.

• Mitch : I wasn't looking for a girl like that.

  Beanie : Well, Columbus wasn't looking for America, my man, but that turned out to be pretty okay for everyone.

• Beanie : You think I like avoiding my wife and kids to hangout with nineteen-year-old girls everyday?

• Beanie : Guys, this is a very special occasion. The Godfather himself has decided to grace us with his presence. This is his damn house. He sleeps twenty feet away.

• Beanie : All right, let me be the first to say congratulations to then. You get one vagina for the rest of your life. Real smart, Frank. Way to work it through.

• Beanie : Well why don't you give me your number in case anything happens to my wife.

• Mitch Martin : At this point, you may be asking yourself, why am I holding this 30 pound cinderblock in my hands? You might also ask yourself, why does this cinderblock have a long piece of string tied to it? And finally, why is the other end of this string tied securely to your penis?

  Beanie : And the answer, ladies... is trust.

• Frank : Yea, I'm cool either way. I just have to run it by Marissa.

  [Mitch and Beanie give him a weird look] 

  Frank : I'm messing with you guys.

  Beanie : Not funny. Not funny. And now the baby is upset.

• Beanie : He's playing hardball. And I got to admit. I'm impressed.

• Beanie : Don't say sorry to me. You let down Frank. You let down me. Most importantly, you let down Max. And right about now I'm having a hard time trying to figure out why I take time out of my schedule to help you get over...

  [to Max] 

  Beanie : Max, can you earmuff it for me?

  [to Mitch] 

  Beanie : That whore you dated.

• Beanie : I have a wife and kids. Do I seem like a happy guy to you, Frank?

• Frank : Hey, I just want to thank you one last time for being here. It's the best day ever.

  Beanie : Don't even start with me, Franklin, okay? You need to walk away from this ASAP.

  Frank : What?

  Beanie : You need to get out, Frankie. This is it. It's now or never. You need to get out of here while you're still single.

  Frank : I'm not single.

  Beanie : She's 30 yards away, you're single now.

  Frank : Come on, Marissa's the best thing that's ever happened to me.

  Beanie : Why don't you give that six months. You don't think that'll change? I got a wife, kids. Do I seem like a happy guy to you, Frankie?

  Beanie : There's my wife. See that? Always smiling? Hi, honey. Judging, watching, "Look at the baby."

  Mitch Martin : She's coming down the aisle, Beanie. Let it go.

• Beanie : Max, can you earmuff for me? We are going to get so much ass here, it's going to be sick. I'm talking like crazy boy band ass.

• Beanie : Six weeks ago Abdul here had a one-way ticket to an arranged marriage with a broad he never met in Bangladesh. Now he's crushing ass every Thursday night at our mixers.

• Mitch : Who's this guy?

  Beanie : Oh, that's Blue. An old navy vet who hangs around my store a lot. Don't worry. He's legit.

  Mitch : He looks like he's one hundred years old and he wants to pledge?

  Beanie : You kidding me? Old man river can't shut up about it.

• Beanie : Earmuffs.

• Beanie : Girls love a guy who's in your situation.

  Mitch : What situation?

  Beanie : Mitch. You're on the rebound. You're like an injured young fawn who's been nursed back to health and is finally going to be released back into the wilderness.

• Frank : I just wanna tell you guys thanks for being here. Best day ever.

  Beanie : Frank, you need to walk away from this right now.

• Mitch : A professor lived here for like thirty years and died.

  Beanie : That's awesome.

• Mitch : So what are you? Campus security?

  Dean Pritchard : Try again.

  Beanie : Jevohah Witness?

  Dean Pritchard : I'm the Dean. Dean Pritchard.

• Beanie : That party that we had last night has given us a lot of street cred.

• Frank : I had an awesome time!

  Beanie : I know that you had an awesome time. I think the entire town knows you had an awesome time.

  [to Mitch] 

  Beanie : And wouldn't you want those times to keep on going?

• Beanie : Good luck to everybody. Nice to know you all and I'll see you around campus.

• Beanie : Mitch is a lawyer, buddy. He'll find a way out for us.

• Beanie : You're the lady, Marissa. High five.

• Beanie : Yeah, from the guy who probably won't get in.

  Jerry : I go to school here...

  Beanie : Okay...

• Jerry : What sort of actual association will you have with the university?

  Mitch Martin : Who are these people?

  Frank : I don't know.

  Beanie : Well, legally speaking, there will be a loose affiliation. But, we will give nothing back to the academic community. As well as provide no public service of any kind. This much I promise you.

• Beanie : What we need to do is throw a big kick-off, kick-ass party.

• [deleted scene] 

  Beanie : Can you do me a favor and tell Mitch it's perfectly okay to have sex with a 17-year-old?

  Lara Campbell : Oh, yeah. It's fine, if you're 18 or you live in Louisiana.

• Mitch : You don't understand me Beanie, it's sexual harassment. I mean I could go to jail for this.

  Beanie : For what? Being Awesome? Besides Mitch, how old did you say this girl was, 17 years old? Mitch, that's a total grey area.

  Mitch : It's a total felony.

• Mitch : Beanie, you remember, Cheese.

  Beanie : Oh, yeah. Cheeeeese... Didn't we lock you in the dumpster one time?

  Dean Pritchard : [aggitated]  I got out.

  Beanie : Cool, man.

• Beanie : [to Frank's father in law]  It takes a man to give away an angel. You're sweet.

  [wink] 

• Beanie : I know a really good sand guy.

• Beanie : Frank here was staring at a white picket fence. Now he's single, he's broke, and has second-degree burns all over his body. And I see a spark in his eye that I haven't seen in fifteen years.

• Beanie : Weensie, you're on lifeguard duty.

  Weensie : Sir, I can't swim, sir.

  Frank : Speak when spoken to.

• Beanie : What about Mitch here? He saw the wheels come off his life, guys. His whole world crumbled. Now he's the Godfather.

• Beanie : No. That's a piece of crap. We stopped selling that six months ago. Nice gesture, though.