Mrs Caldicot's Cabbage War (2002)

Tony Robinson: Nick Reid

Quotes 

• [Thelma is being interviewed on national television about her "mass breakout" from the nursing home; Nick Reid, the interviewer, is trying to be provocative] 

  Thelma Caldicot : Mrs Caldicot, you're in the news because you led a walk out at the Twilight Years rest home. Now it's being said that you led the walk out because you couldn't stand cabbage. That's rather extreme, isn't it?

  [audience sniggers] 

  Thelma Caldicot : Well, it's true that I didn't want to eat any more cabbage., but that's not why I left. I left because it was a place that was run with minimum care for maximum profit by a tinpot little dictator.

  Nick Reid : Even so, some people are saying that you're just an attention seeker.

  Thelma Caldicot : Why one earth would anyone say that?

  Nick Reid : Because that's what children do, isn't it? They throw a tantrum when faced with food they don't want to eat.

  Thelma Caldicot : I'm not looking for attention at all.

  Nick Reid : Oh, come on. You're on national television.

  Thelma Caldicot : Only because you asked me. There's a smashing film on the other side. I'd much rather be watching that.

  Nick Reid : Do you think your actions will lead to revolution among our senior citizens?

  Thelma Caldicot : I don't know.

  Nick Reid : You don't know? That's not very responsible, is it?

  [audience laughs] 

  Thelma Caldicot : Sometimes life isn't about knowing the answers. It's about knowing the right questions to ask.

  Nick Reid : Well let's swap seats, then. You tell me what the right questions are.

  Thelma Caldicot : For a start, instead of making cheap jibes at me, why don't you ask me why we lock up these lovely, decent people just because they're getting old? Oh no, sorry, 'past it'. What on earth does that mean? Past what?

  Nick Reid : And the answer is...

  Thelma Caldicot : I don't *know* what the answer is. Maybe it's because we're selfish. Why is it that we rob them of their dignity and stuff a load of tranquillisers down their throats instead of offering them our help and our care and, most of all, our time?

  Nick Reid : You tell us.

  Thelma Caldicot : And why is it that the very sight of them repulses us, the older and more feeble they get? We've all done it, haven't we? 'Oh, don't let me get like that. If I get like that, shoot me.' Maybe it's just fear. And no, I don't know what the answer is. But I do know that these are the questions we should be asking. All of us.

  Nick Reid : Well that's very enlightening, isn't it? Are there any more questions you want to ask before I let tonight's star guest get a word in edgeways?

  Thelma Caldicot : Yeah, just one. Why do you wear that daft wig?

  [audience laughs and applauds]