Grand Theft Auto: Vice City (2002 Video Game)

Ray Liotta: Tommy Vercetti

Photos 

Quotes 

• [Stealing a pedestrian's Car] 

  Tommy Vercetti : You've got insurance, so don't be a prick.

• Tommy Vercetti : This is the last dance for Lance Vance!

• Tommy Vercetti : You took fifteen years from me, Sonny, and now I'm gonna make you pay!

  Sonny Forelli : You still don't get it, do you? I *own* you, Tommy. Those fifteen years were mine to spend!

• Tommy Vercetti : Who does this guy think he is? Now I gotta dress like a chump as well as hang out with him? I like this shirt.

• Umberto Robina : Hey if Leo knows you've got his phone he'll kill you.

  Tommy Vercetti : Maybe Leo's already dead. Maybe I killed Leo and took his phone. You ever think of that, prick?

• Tommy Vercetti : You Kent Paul? I'm a friend of Rosenberg.

  Kent Paul : Rosenberg... Rosenberg... Oh, that bonkers ambulence chaser! That guy could defend an innocent man all the way to Death Row!

  [laughs] 

• [Tommy has killed a lot pedestrians] 

  Tommy Vercetti : Remember the name! Tommy Vercetti!

• Ken Rosenberg : What the hell are we gonna do?

  Tommy Vercetti : Shut up, sit down. I'll tell you what we're gonna do. You're gonna find out who took our cocaine, and then, I'm gonna kill them.

• Tommy Vercetti : Ok guys. Calm down, I'll handle this. Normally I wouldn't busy myself with driving around a bunch of drunken Scottish bisexuals, but in YOUR case, I'll make an exception!

• Sonny Forelli : Hey Tommy, it's Sonny. How's the suntan?

  Tommy Vercetti : I ain't got no suntan.

  Sonny Forelli : Well, you ain't got my money either, so I'm thinking to myself 'what're you doing?'. So tell me, Tommy, what ARE you doing?

  Tommy Vercetti : I'm looking for the money, Sonny. Don't worry.

  Sonny Forelli : I AM worrying, Tommy. That's my style because I seem to have this problem in my life with unreliable people. Don't be an unreliable person, Tommy, please.

• Tommy Vercetti : [carjacking]  You gonna cry now?

• Tommy Vercetti : There goes my careful planning, all blown to hell. Thanks to you. You screwed up real good, Lance.

  Lance Vance : He killed my brother. What did you expect me to do? Mow his lawns?

• [after killing a pedestrian] 

  Tommy Vercetti : You can blame my mother. I do.

• Tommy Vercetti : Sonny, you have my personal assurance that I'm gonna get you your money back, and the drugs, and I'm gonna mail you the dicks of those responsible.

• Tommy Vercetti : I did your wife, you poor bastard.

• [Stealing a car] 

  Tommy Vercetti : Just think of this as socialism in action.

• [Tommy Vercetti and Lance Vance impersonating cops] 

  Tommy Vercetti : Remember, smile at the other cops.

  Lance Vance : Hey there, officer. Nice badge, nice badge.

  Tommy Vercetti : Real smooth, Lance.

• Ken Rosenberg : Hey, hey Tommy, Tommy, look, I had this mini-bar installed.

  Tommy Vercetti : We got a whole bar downstairs, Ken.

• Umberto Robina : You do this for me, and I take care of you. Like my brother. Like my son.

  Tommy Vercetti : I think I prefer the cash to being bounced on your knee, amigo.

• Tommy Vercetti : One thing's puzzling me. What's with 'Quentin'?

  Lance Vance : I dunno, I always kinda liked it: Quentin Vance.

  Tommy Vercetti : Vance? Your name's Lance Vance?

  Lance Vance : Hey, I got enough of that at school.

  Tommy Vercetti : Lance Vance. Poor bastard.

• Tommy Vercetti : You Cam Jones?

  Cam Jones : Yeah, that's me.

  Tommy Vercetti : I'm busting you out.

  Cam Jones : Whatever you say.

• Ricardo Diaz : Ok, listen up, dickhead. You work for me now.

  Tommy Vercetti : I work for money.

  Ricardo Diaz : As I said, amigo, you work for me now.

  Tommy Vercetti : I work for...

  Ricardo Diaz : SHUT UP!

• Tommy Vercetti : I'm looking for a shooter for a job I'm pulling. From the setup here, I'm not too impressed.

  Phil Cassidy : Son, I could shoot a fly off your head at a hundred feet.

  Tommy Vercetti : Really?

  Phil Cassidy : Yeah, I learnt it in the army.

  Tommy Vercetti : Fly shooting popular in the army? Glad I don't pay tax.

• [after hitting another car] 

  Tommy Vercetti : I hope you got whiplash!

• Sonny Forelli : So Tommy, what was the big plan? You think I was gonna take the fake cash, save face, and walk away with my tail between my legs?

  Tommy Vercetti : No. I just wanted to piss you off before I killed you.

• Tommy Vercetti : What did I do wrong in a past life?

• Ken Rosenberg : Hey Tommy, I got you that chalkboard you wanted.

  Tommy Vercetti : Ah, the benefits of a law school education: the ability to follow instructions.

• Tommy Vercetti : The last thing I needed was this. Maybe the last thing I needed was an enema, but this comes close.

• [planning a bank robbery] 

  Tommy Vercetti : So we'll have Cam on safe, me and Phil will handle security and Hilary will be our driver.

  Ken Rosenberg : What about me? The person who brought you here, the person who has helped you to no end in this town?

  Tommy Vercetti : Oh, yeah, Ken. Ken here; he washes the money for us... and he keeps the drinks on ice!

  Phil Cassidy : Haha, YEAH!

  Hilary King : I don't really know what I'm supposed to do here...

  Tommy Vercetti : Look, it'll be easy, haven't you ever seen a movie? We walk into the bank, wave the guns around... and leave very rich men.

• [planning a bank robbery] 

  Tommy Vercetti : As you can see, gentlemen... this is going to be the easiest buck we ever made.

  Ken Rosenberg : Tommy, seriously, you should consider going into law!

  Phil Cassidy : [sighs]  What the hell are you smoking, man? This ain't no simple plan. Then again, who needs a simple plan? Look at communism, that was a simple plan... didn't do Russia any favors, huh?

  Tommy Vercetti : Calm down, all right? With a team like this it's gonna be no problem. We got Cam on safe. Phil, you and me will handle security. And Hilary will drive the getaway car.

  Ken Rosenberg : Uh, aren't you forgetting somebody? Somebody who helped you to no END in this town? Somebody who...

  Tommy Vercetti : Ken, Ken... that's right... Ken here, he washes the money for us.

  [laughs] 

  Tommy Vercetti : And he keeps the drinks on ice!

• Kent Paul : Awright, me ol' china, how's it hangin'?

  Tommy Vercetti : What do you know about counterfeiting?

  Kent Paul : [sarcastic]  "Oh, I'm fine, Paul, how about you?"

  Tommy Vercetti : [grabs Paul and slams him on the counter]  Come 'ere!

  Kent Paul : Awright, awright, awright! You're obviously a busy man!

• Lance Vance : So Tommy, it's obvious that Diaz is the one who busted our deal, so why in the hell are we still running errands for him?

  Tommy Vercetti : The more we learn now, the less we'll have to learn when we take this town over.

• Ricardo Diaz : [to his VCR]  Eject!

  [shouts] 

  Ricardo Diaz : Plastic crap! You doing this to me? Who do you think you are, you piece of plastic *shit*? Aaarrgh!

  [shoots the VCR] 

  Ricardo Diaz : [shouts]  Screw you!

  [Tommy walks in] 

  Ricardo Diaz : It eats my favorite El Burro movie, it die! What else could I do?

  Tommy Vercetti : It's probably not plugged in.

  Ricardo Diaz : What?

  [Tommy checks, and shows Diaz the unplugged VCR] 

  Ricardo Diaz : Damn... no matter, I can buy a hundred more.

• [last lines] 

  Tommy Vercetti : You know Ken, this could be the beginning of a beautiful business relationship. I mean you're a conniving, back-stabbing, two-bit thief; and I'm a convicted, psychotic killer and drug dealer!

  Ken Rosenberg : I know. Ain't it just beautiful?

• [while running from the VCPD] 

  Tommy Vercetti : You look like the other guys.

• [while running from the VCPD] 

  Tommy Vercetti : Call my lawyer, Rosenberg.

• [while running from the VCPD] 

  Tommy Vercetti : I've heard it all before, pal.

• Tommy Vercetti : [chased by police]  Go shower with the guys!

• Tommy Vercetti : [chased by police]  You guys ever catch any criminals?

• Tommy Vercetti : [crashes his car]  Good thing I don't own this piece of crap.

• Mercedes Cortez : Will you be working for for my father?

  Tommy Vercetti : Maybe.

  Mercedes Cortez : Do you mind me resting my hand on your lap?

  Tommy Vercetti : ...Maybe.

• [to Steve Scott] 

  Tommy Vercetti : What did I tell you before? NO GIANT SHARKS.

• Lance Vance : [after returning to Diaz with coke]  Good shooting, my friend. You're a real, proper, grade A, lunitic.

  Tommy Vercetti : Well, thank you.

  Lance Vance : See you around, Tommy.

  Tommy Vercetti : Ok, Mr. Lance Vance Dance.

• Ken Rosenberg : I poke my head out of the gutter for one freakin' second, and fate shovels shit in my face!

  Tommy Vercetti : Go get some sleep.

  Ken Rosenberg : What are you gotta do?

  Tommy Vercetti : I'll drop by your office tomorrow and we can start sorting this mess out.

• Tommy Vercetti : Never forget the Second Amendment, asshole!

• Tommy Vercetti : Is this some bizarre mating ritual?

• Tommy Vercetti : [while stealing a car] 

  [acting like he's crying] 

  Tommy Vercetti : Look! I'm feeling bad about it already!

• [after hitting another car] 

  Tommy Vercetti : OW! You hit me!

• [after nearly getting killed by an explosion] 

  Phil Cassidy : Never get a naked flame too close to one of Phil Cassidy's boomshine stills!

  Tommy Vercetti : Shit. Phil, you drink that stuff?

  Phil Cassidy : Hell. You don't have to drink it. Just a good whiff'll set ya off.

• [on the way to rob a bank] 

  Cam Jones : Tommy! Hilary is taking up too much room!

  Hilary King : I am not!

  Hilary King : Are too!

  Tommy Vercetti : Hey! Shut up, you two, or you can get out and walk!

  Cam Jones : Yeah! HILARY!

• Earnest Kelly : Mr. Vercetti? Hey. You bought the old Print Works?

  Tommy Vercetti : Yeah my old man used to work on these. I used to spend the evenings with him cleaning the rollers. I was gonna follow him in his trade... but I lived a different life.

  Earnest Kelly : You planning on selling the old machinery? Breaking it down?

  Tommy Vercetti : I'm thinking we might print something. A newspaper, a magazine...

  Earnest Kelly : Oh crap, sonny, low-grade crap. I always fancied printing money!

  Tommy Vercetti : Really...?

• Lance Vance : Oh, way to go, tough guy. Beat 'em to a pulp. That should make him real chatty.

  Tommy Vercetti : You want some too?

  Lance Vance : Hey, chill. I want what you want, brother.

  Tommy Vercetti : Oh, yeah? And what's that?

  Lance Vance : Your green, and my dead brother's white lady. Unfortunately, you just silenced our lead.

  Tommy Vercetti : Accidents happen. Get lost.

  Lance Vance : Hey, hey, whoa. No need to go all 'Lone Ranger' on my ass. The way I see it, we two hombres in a strange town. We need to watch each other's back.

  Tommy Vercetti : My back's just fine, brother.

  Lance Vance : You sure about that? Here, take this. Follow me.

• [after killing a pedestrian] 

  Tommy Vercetti : They named ya, pal!

• Umberto Robina : Anyway, I wanted to tell you, me and Papi, to us, you Cuban. You have proved yourself, man. You got big cojones.

  Tommy Vercetti : Well thank you, Umberto. Nobody's said that to me since I left jail.

• Phil Cassidy : Hilary has abandonment issues. Something about his momma.

  Tommy Vercetti : Abandonment issues? What a freak. Why can't I meet someone that's normal for a change?

• [chased by cops] 

  Tommy Vercetti : I'm innocent!

• Umberto Robina : Are you playing stupid with me?

  Tommy Vercetti : No, I think you're playing plenty stupid enough for both of us.

• Ken Rosenberg : Ah, Tommy, this place looks too new. We need to redecorate, I can't stand this look!

  Tommy Vercetti : You're my lawyer, Rosenberg. Not my interior decorator.

• [after arming a bomb] 

  Tommy Vercetti : Okay, timers are set, five seconds and counting.

  Lance Vance : Five seconds? We gotta get the hell out of here!