The In-Laws (I) (2003)

Michael Douglas: Steve Tobias

Photos 

Quotes 

• Steve Tobias : This wedding is going to be as normal as butter on mashed potatoes.

• Steve Tobias : I don't know one person here.

  Jerry Peyser : That's because it's not an arms market.

• Jerry Peyser : I'm sorry I called you the worst father in the world. I'm sure there's at least two or three guys who are worse.

  Steve Tobias : Thank you, Jer.

• Jerry Peyser : Six people on a beach! I could have saved a fortune.

  Steve Tobias : Jer, they're gonna be fine. In fact, the whole family's gonna be just fine.

• Steve Tobias : Doctor, do you know what a roofie is?

  Jerry Peyser : Yeah I know what a roofie is, frat boys give them to girls at parties.

  [Steve nods] 

  Jerry Peyser : Oh no. Oh don't rape me.

  [passes out] 

• Angela Harris : Is that a fanny pack?

  Steve Tobias : It's cute, isn't it?

  Angela Harris : It's adorable.

• Steve Tobias : We're the CIA.

  Angela Harris : Great, now I have to kill him.

• Steve Tobias : [after large snake is served at ethnic restaurant]  Uh, Jerry, you alright? You haven't even touched your food!

  Jerry Peyser : My food is still eating.

• Steve Tobias : So have you ever been to Vietnam?

  Katherine Peyser : No, but we hear it's lovely.

• [last lines] 

  [as Jean-Pierre is being taken away by the police, he waves at Jerry] 

  Jean-Pierre Thibodoux : Call me!

  Jerry Peyser : You know something? He might actually like prison.

  Steve Tobias : Like it? He's gonna LOVE it!

• Jerry Peyser : That was fun.

  Steve Tobias : Yeah blackmail! Ha ha.