Hugh Grant: Daniel Cleaver
Photos
Quotes
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Daniel Cleaver : [Daniel Cleaver and Mark Darcy have just had a fistfight over Bridget] You know what, mate? If you are so obsessed with Bridget Jones, why don't you just marry her?
Mark Darcy : [turns away and starts to walk]
Daniel Cleaver : [pause] Cause then she'd definitely shag me.
[Mark dives again into the fountain]
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Daniel Cleaver : Doesn't everyone deserve a second chance? Hmm?
Bridget Jones : Except Hitler.
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Daniel Cleaver : [after fighting and falling into a fountain together] What are you gonna do now? Drown me in sixteen inches of water?
Mark Darcy : [slight pause] Yes, certainly.
[fight resumes]
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Mark Darcy : Would you step outside please?
Daniel Cleaver : I'm afraid it's not possible.
Mark Darcy : Look are you gonna step outside or do I have to drag you?
Daniel Cleaver : I think you're gonna have to drag me.
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Daniel Cleaver : [while fighting] You're insane!
Mark Darcy : And you're a disgrace, Cleaver, and you're gonna pay for it!
Daniel Cleaver : Ow, you're pulling my hair! Fuck off, I'm not going in the sodding water!
Mark Darcy : You're going in, Cleaver!
Daniel Cleaver : If I'm going in, you're going in with me, you smug bastard!
[they fall into the fountain]
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Bridget Jones : You know, I never really understood why you wanted to date me. It seems so unlikely.
Daniel Cleaver : Come on, Jones, for God's sake. You're sexy. You make me laugh - at you of course, not with you. And you were, incidentally, the best shag I ever had.
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Bridget Jones : Daniel Cleaver is a deceitful, sexist, disgusting specimen of humanity that I wouldn't share a lift with, let alone a job.
Daniel Cleaver : [swings around on his chair, coming into Bridget's view] Oh, come on Jones there must have been something you liked about me.
Bridget Jones : You have a nice car. And - quite nice manners, outside the bedroom. But that's about it. And by the way, I know exactly where Germany is. The question is, do you know the location of your arsehole?
[walks out]
Daniel Cleaver : [to other colleagues] As a matter of fact I do know the exact location of my arsehole. And hers, for that matter.
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Jeremy Paxman : Ah Daniel! Your Madrid piece was outstanding. Full of insights; really original.
Daniel Cleaver : [Walking with Bridget] Oh cheers Jeremy, thanks mate. Ya, I really appreciate that. Lads worked really hard on that one.
Daniel Cleaver : [Jeremy walks away] Tosser.
Daniel Cleaver : [to Bridget] Talking of which, how is Mark Darcy?
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Daniel Cleaver : Well, you know what a fan I am of any woman married to Mark Darcy.
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Daniel Cleaver : I spent the night with a gorgeous Thai girl who turned out to be a gorgeous Thai boy!
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Daniel Cleaver : New York. the Big, Juicy Apple. The city that never sleeps with the same person two nights running. My favorite place in America, where Sex And The City isn't just a programme, it's a promise.
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Daniel Cleaver : Oh, come on Jones. Who gave who the hoof... and why?
Bridget Jones : Let's just say... that we suffered from fatal incompatibility.
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Daniel Cleaver : Oh, Suvarnamali, Why can you not see that I adore you? Why do you avoid and scorn me? If you cast me off and leave me. How should I live another day?
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Daniel Cleaver : What is this special power you hold over me, Jones?
