Die, Mommie, Die! (2003)

Charles Busch: Angela Arden, Barbara Arden

Photos 

Quotes 

• Angela Arden : I'm in no mood for your patented brand of bitchery, missy.

• Angela Arden : I hate this house! I hate these walls... I hate that sofa! The only part of this dump that doesn't make me puke is that door - because that's the way I'm gettin' out!

• Angela Arden : [Inserting, with apparent difficulty, a large suppository in Sol]  You're very tight. You must do your utmost to relax.

  Sol Sussman : Relax? How can I relax with a nuclear warhead up my rectum?

• Angela Arden : Sweetie? Sweetie, these angels need to be walked.

  Edith Sussman : Translation: Get the hell out of here so I could be shrew to your father in private.

• Angela Arden : Darling daughter, you sound like a square from Squaresville.

• Lance Sussman : [Lance, unexpectedly home from college, has hidden behind the stairs and jumps up and scares Angela]  Arrrrh!

  Angela Arden : Lance! You scared the bejesus out of me!

  Lance Sussman : [Chuckling]  Kiss me, you beautiful creature.

  Lance Sussman : [Upon kissing Lance on the lips]  Do I smell pot?

  Lance Sussman : Gee, mom, you got me on that one.

  Angela Arden : Listen, baby, I'm not one of your friends' square old ladies. I toured with a band. I'm quite familiar with reefer, and fully acquainted with its dangers.

  Lance Sussman : You're the coolest mom ever!

  Angela Arden : What are you doing home from school?

  Lance Sussman : The anti-war demonstration... yeah! Students took over the president's office, they sent the rest of us kids home.

  Angela Arden : [Somewhat skeptical]  Oh, really?

  Lance Sussman : My friend Ruth... gave the associate dean a saltwater enema.

  Angela Arden : I need a drink.

  Angela Arden : [Pouring drinks]  Scotch for me, Pepsi for you.

  Lance Sussman : Mom!

  Angela Arden : Oh, I suppose a "splash" of bourbon won't kill ya'!

• Sol Sussman : [At the dinner table: Lance is toying with his soup, blowing on spoonfuls of it, but not actually eating it. Sol looks on, increasingly annoyed]  Lance, just DRINK the goddamned soup!

  Lance Sussman : Sorry, daddy.

  Angela Arden : [Addressing Lance in a "secret language," apparently understood only by she and Lance. Subtitles provide the translation]  I don't blame you. The soup stinks.

  Lance Sussman : [Replying in the same "secret language"]  It smell like dirty socks.

  Angela Arden : [Again using the "secret language"]  Bootsie cuts your dad's socks up and throws them in the soup.

  Sol Sussman : [Angela and Lance chuckle over their secret joking. Sol, enraged, gets up and lunges at Lance]  God DAMMIT! You eat normal, or we're gonna' shut you away in an institution!

  Lance Sussman : No, daddy, don't...

  Angela Arden : How dare you speak to your son like that!

  Sol Sussman : I'm ashamed to have such a son.

  Angela Arden : [Contemptuously]  The "great man"! The "conscience" of the Industry! How about a little sympathy and tolerance for your own family?

  Sol Sussman : I have NO sympathy for you, baby. And none for him, either.

  [Sol glares pointedly at Lance] 

  Sol Sussman : My son, the Loser!

  Lance Sussman : YOU'RE the Loser! The FLOP!

  Angela Arden : [Enraged, Sol slaps Lance across the face and Lance gets up and runs out of the room. Angela gets up and looks after Lance in dismay]  Lance...

  Sol Sussman : [All the commotion has upset the family's twin Pekinese dogs, whose noisy barking can be heard in the background. This enrages Sol even more]  Monsters! They get put to sleep tomorrow! Sit down, Angela... SIT DOWN!

• Angela Arden : [In the car with Sol, coming back from the theater where they have just seen the Greek tragedy "The House of Atreus," in which Queen Clytemnestra stabs Agamemnon to death]  Well, I thought the murder scene was beautifully staged. The character of Queen Clytemnestra was almost... sympathetic. Aren't you glad I made you renew our theater subscriptions?

  Sol Sussman : [Annoyed]  Oh, Angela, shut up. The best performance tonight was you pretending to be a wife!

• Angela Arden : You know, I Magnin is having a sale on go-go boots. We could make a day of it.

  Edith Sussman : Go-go boots? They're about as ancient as a hoop skirt.

  Angela Arden : Then I could use your able assistance as a fashion consultant.

  Edith Sussman : Well, my first bit of advice, mother, would be to cancel your next face lift, and start acting your age.

• Angela Arden : [to Lance]  Are you... a cocksucker?

• Bootsie Carp : [Gathered outside the house after Sol's death: police are talking to family members, and paramedics are preparing to take Sol's body away]  Mrs. S, it's best that I go. You're much too fragile, and way too famous.

  Policeman : Mrs. Sussman, that'll be all for now. You've been very helpful.

  Angela Arden : And you're a delight. I can't get over... you're all so darned good looking. You could be actors!

• Angela Arden : Where is Edith? We're going to be late for the funeral.

  Bootsie Carp : I do worry about that child. But as my wise uncle Enoch used to say, "As ketchup is to meatloaf, so sorrow is a condiment to joy."

• Angela Arden : [Back at the house after the funeral for Sol]  Bootsie, remove some of these floral tributes. They're wilting and I can't bear to be surrounded by more death.

  Bootsie Carp : I think I'll put some of these petals in the pages of my bible.

  Angela Arden : As you wish.

• Angela Arden : [Back at the house: Angela has just kicked Tony Parker out. Lance and Edith sit nearby]  And that goes for all of you. I'm clearin' out the dead wood.

  Angela Arden : [She pauses to pour herself a large tumbler of bourbon]  This is as good a time as any to announce that I'm selling the house to the first bidder.

  Edith Sussman : You wouldn't!

  Angela Arden : Edith, I don't want to hear a word about it. I am sick and tired of living my life for others. This is a time for Angela Arden. This time it's for me, for Me, for ME!

  Lance Sussman : But mother...

  Angela Arden : [Ignoring Edith's and Lance's protests]  I hate this house, I hate these walls, I hate that sofa... The only part of this dump that doesn't make me puke is that door, because that's the way I'm gettin' out.

  Edith Sussman : You can't sell this house.

  Angela Arden : I'm bringing down these walls around us. To quote the kids in the ghetto, "Burn, baby, burn!"

  [She tosses her tumbler of bourbon into the fire: a large plume of fire flashes up]