Matchstick Men (2003)

Nicolas Cage: Roy Waller

Photos 

15 more photos

Quotes 

• Roy : Excuse me, hi! -

  Pharmacist #2 : I'll be right with your Sir.

  Roy : [runs to other counter]  Hi, I need a refill of this. No I don't have a prescription!

  Pharmacist #1 : Sir, please wait your turn.

  Roy : I know, I know. B-but this; is an emergency.

  Man in Line : Hey buddy, ever heard a line?

  Roy : Hey have you ever been dragged to the sidewalk and beaten till you PISSED... BLOOD!

• Roy : Look, Doc, I spent last Tuesday watching fibers on my carpet. And the whole time I was watching my carpet, I was worrying that I, I might vomit. And the whole time, I was thinking, "I'm a grown man. I should know what goes on my head." And the more I thought about it... the more I realized that I should just blow my brains out and end it all. But then I thought, well, if I thought more about blowing my brains out... I start worrying about what that was going to do to my goddamn carpet. Okay, so, ah-he, that was a GOOD day, Doc. And, and I just want you to give me some pills and let me get on with my life.

• Roy : I'm not a criminal. I'm a con man.

  Dr. Klein : The difference being?

  Roy : They give me their money.

  Dr. Klein : That's a nice rationalization, Roy.

• Angela : Nice to meet you, Dad.

  Roy : Nice to meet you, Dad.

  [realises what he's said and shakes his head] 

• Roy : Rule Number 1: Don't work where you live.

  Angela : [writing]  Don't... shit... where...

  Roy : [grabbing her notepad]  Rule Number 2: Don't write anything down!

• Roy : uhhh... uhhh... That was WRONG what you did! And... and... you're a NOSY PARKER! And that's no way for a young lady to behave! And... SHAME ON YOU!

• Angela : Bullshit!

  Roy : No bullshit. And watch your mouth at the table.

  Angela : [Angela laughs]  You're a con man?

  Roy : Con artist. Flim flam man, matchstick man, loser. Whatever. Take your pick.

  Angela : And that guy Frank?

  Roy : He's my partner. My protege...

  Angela : Teach me something...

  Roy : You're funny.

  Angela : Teach me something! A con.

  Roy : I'm not teaching you anything...

  Angela : Why not?

  Roy : Because you're far too bright and innocent and beautiful and I'm not going to screw that up like everything else!

  Angela : You really think that?

  [pause] 

  Angela : That I'm beautiful?

  Roy : No.

  Angela : Well, then why won't you? Because crime doesn't pay?

  Roy : No, it does. It does! Just not very well.

  Angela : Well, you seem to be doing alright by it!

  Roy : I'm not. Believe me. It's no fun doing what I do. A lot of times it's stealing from people who don't deserve it. Old people. Fat people. Lonely.

  [pause] 

  Roy : A lot of times I feel sick about it.

  Angela : Well, then why do you do it?

• Angela : She said you were a bad guy. You don't seem like a bad guy.

  Roy : That's what makes me good at it.

• Roy : For some people, money is... money is a foreign film without subtitles.

• Angela : You don't have a TV? SERIOUSLY you don't have a TV?

  Roy : Well there's a couch, if you want to sit. Or over there if you prefer. Or the couch.

• [repeated line] 

  Roy : Pygmies!

• [asking how badly his life is affected by the agoraphobia] 

  Dr. Klein : And your personal relationships?

  Roy : [laughing]  What personal relationships?

  Dr. Klein : When was the last time you were in one?

  [pause] 

  Dr. Klein : You know... a relationship?

  Roy : With a woman? A long time ago.

  Dr. Klein : Five years? Ten years?

  [pause] 

  Roy : Keep going, man...

• Roy : You lookin' for something, sucker?

  Frank Mercer : Yeah. My partner. You seen him? He's been missing most of the week. Tall, good-looking guy.

  Frank Mercer : Man, you are bad! Did you take your pills?

• Roy : Let his greed meet his imagination.

• Dr. Klein : Let me ask you something. What would you do if you had to change careers?

  Roy : You mean if I wasn't an antiques broker?

  Dr. Klein : If you weren't a criminal.

  Roy : Huh?

  [twitches] 

• Angela : New York Super Fudge Chunk. That's my favourite flavour.

  Roy : New York...?

  Angela : Super Fudge Chunk.

  Roy : Oh chocolate! Right.

• Roy : I gotta go. I've got a big business meeting.

  Angela : This late?

  Roy : Antiques. They wait for no man.

• Roy : You good to go?

  Frank Mercer : Does the Pope pooh in the woods?

• Roy : Fourteen! You're fourteen! When'd you have TIME to get arrested?

• Roy : I'm not ver good at being a father, all right? I barely get by just being me.

• Roy : She left the door open. It was BITCHIN'!

• Roy : [Panicing]  When... you're done, could you... wipe off the phone?

  Frank Mercer : Yeah sure

  [wipes on the back off his pants and his crotch] 

  Frank Mercer : How's that?

  Roy : Oh God!

  Frank Mercer : Whoa! I'm just kidding, just kidding!

• Dr. Klein : I have news for you, Roy: your neurosis is small-time.

  Roy : Small-time? What are you, a fucking quack!

  Dr. Klein : Your conscious is another story.

• [repeated line] 

  Roy : Uuuuuh... Uuuuuh...

• Roy : My associate tells me you have FIVE grandkids? WOW!

• Frank Mercer : There's just one problem.

  Roy : What?

  Frank Mercer : I think I'm in love with you.

• Frank Mercer : You want your forty g's?

  Roy : Consider it a parting gift.

  Frank Mercer : We should part more often.

• [first lines] 

  Roy : Uno, due, tre.

• [last lines] 

  Roy : Hi.

  Cashier : That'll be $36.50, sir.

• [repeated line] 

  Roy : Simple is safe!

• Angela : This line's shorter.

  Roy : No, this one's better.

  [looks at the cashier he's been flirting with] 

• Roy : I'm surprised to see you here. I figured you would have moved out to, I don't know, Hawaii.

  Angela : I kind of got screwed on my cut. You know Frank.

  Roy : [using her own words on her]  You're gonna go swimming, you're gonna get wet, right?

• Angela : You mad at me?

  Roy : You didn't take it. I gave it to you.

  Angela : It's a funny way of looking at it.

  Roy : Well, I see things differently now.

• Frank Mercer : Okay, I'd just like to, you know, take a girl out somewhere nice once in a while.

  Roy : You have to pay extra for that?

• Roy : [while looking for his pills]  Pygmies!

• Angela : You're staring.

  Roy : I'm sorry.

  Angela : It's okay. I used to do it too. Looked at your picture, see if I got your nose, your eyes. Mom used to say I got lucky and only got your elbows.

• Roy : You're ready for this.

  Angela : I was born ready.

  Roy : Glad I missed that day.