American Wedding (2003)
Jason Biggs: Jim Levenstein
Photos
Quotes
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Steve Stifler : Dickhead. You do not send shit to my office at school.
Jim : Oh, hey, Stifler. Why don't you come in and make yourself comfortable?
Steve Stifler : Your letter made a great impression on Coach Marshall when he read it. Let me just refresh your memory, partner. 'Dear Steve, I will be forever in your debt if you teach me to dance like you did in the gay bar'.
Jim : I put serious thought into that letter.
Steve Stifler : Don't push me cause I'm close to the edge. I'm trying not to lose my head. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
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Jim : Alright, Stifler. Um, this... this is a little, uh, difficult to explain. Look, you're... you're okay. You're okay. I... I... I mean, uh... I mean, I like you.
Steve Stifler : Yeah, great. You can blow me after practice. I'm working, dude.
Jim : Well, dude.
Steve Stifler : [Jim and Stifler are both on the tackling sled] Come on. Work it! Hustle!
Jim : See my mom didn't know that there was a misunderstanding.
Steve Stifler : Push it! Move it! Come on!
Jim : You're not invited!
Steve Stifler : Hold!
[Jim and Stifler jump off the sled]
Steve Stifler : Dude, how the hell do you even think you're getting married? I've been looking out for your sex life since high school.
Jim : You what?
Steve Stifler : Ohhhh! Ohh! The first tits this guy ever saw were because of me. The first girl he ever hooked up with was at my party at my cottage. That girl is the girl he's marrying. The Stif-man showed him the way. Can I get a 'Hallelujah'?
Football Team : Hallelujah, Stifler!
Steve Stifler : But, my fuckers, this mofo right here does not want the Stifmeister, the grand fucking facilitator to attend the wedding. Who sucks donkey dick?
Football Team : [chanting] Jim sucks donkey dick!
Jim : The answer is no. Okay? I'm sorry!
Steve Stifler : I can dance.
Jim : What?
Steve Stifler : I can dance.
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Steve Stifler : Observe the fuckin' Stifmeister, what is his defining characteristic?
Jim : He uses the F-word excessively?
Steve Stifler : [grins] Thanks man.
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[first lines]
Jim : Well, Michelle, we did it. Happy graduation.
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Kevin Myers : [raising a glass to toast] Gentlemen, to the next step...
Jim : Oh will you stop with that "next step" bullshit.
Paul Finch : Put down your glass.
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[Jim and Michelle are discussing Stifler]
Michelle : [37:26] Jim, he's not doing it to be nice; he's doing it to bone Cadence.
Jim : Look, maybe we should give him a chance. You know, I think - I think that underneath all the "fucks" and "shits" and "blow me's", there's a very sensitive person who's just thirsty for acceptance. That's... that's what I think.
Michelle : Oh, Jim... you gotta stop masturbating... it's melting your brain.
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[Jim is nervous before his wedding]
Jim : Honesty, now- Honestly, would you have passed up sex with Nadia?
Jim's Dad : Why? Did she say something?
Jim : Hypothetically, Dad.
Jim's Dad : Oh, hypothetically. Well, I mean, you know, Jim, I'm a married man. I'm...
Jim : If-If-If you weren't married.
Jim's Dad : She's a college girl.
Jim : If you were a college guy.
Jim's Dad : In a heartbeat. Oh yeah.
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Jim's Dad : [Jim's father arrives at the restaurant just as Michelle is secretly giving Jim a blow job] Here's the ring, son.
Jim : Ohh.
Jim's Dad : Let me tell you something, this is some ring. Look at the rock on this baby, Mister Big Spender. I hope you didn't blow your wad on this, son.
Jim : Not yet.
Jim's Dad : Your mother and I could not be more thrilled for you, Jim. I mean, we're so happy, and I know you're excited. I can see it in your face. I mean, you look like you're ready to burst.
Jim : Uh, huh.
Jim's Dad : I mean, your cheeks, they're flushed. I wish your mother could be here.
Jim : Not me.
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Steve Stifler : Are you saying I'm impolite?
Jim : "Impolite" would be an improvement.
