The Simpsons (TV Series)

Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire (1989)

Julie Kavner: Marge Simpson, Patty Bouvier, Selma Bouvier

Photos 

Quotes 

• [listening to Bart's class sing "Jingle Bells"] 

  Marge : Oh, listen to Bart. Doesn't he sound like a little angel?

  Bart : Oh, Jingle Bells, Batman smells, Robin laid an egg. The Batmobile broke it's wheel, and the Joker got away...

  [Skinner yanks him out of the choir] 

  Homer : D'oh!

• Homer : [answering the phone]  Hello?

  Patty : Is Marge there?

  Homer : Who is this?

  Patty : Marge, please?

  Homer : This is her sister, isn't it?

  Patty : May I please speak to Marge?

  Homer : Whom shall I ask is calling?

  Patty : Marge, please.

• Bart : Cool.

  [Bart daydreams about the mother tattoo on his arm. Marge is flattered and pleased] 

  Marge : Aww Bart, that's the sweetest gift a mother could ever have. It makes you look so dangerous too.

• Marge : This is the best gift of all, Homer.

  Homer : It is?

  Marge : Yes, something to share our love. And to frighten prowlers.

• Homer : Look at this tree. Beauty, isn't it?

  Patty : Why is there a bird house in it?

  Homer : Er... That's an ornament.

  Selma : Do I smell gun powder?

• Marge : Okay, Kids, give me your letters and I'll mail them to Santa at the North Pole.

  Bart : Oh please, there's only one fat guy who brings us presents and his name ain't Santa.

• Marge : You will not be getting a tattoo for Christmas.

  Homer : Yeah, if you want one, you'll have to pay for it our of your own allowance.

  Bart : All right!

  Marge : Homer!

• Marge : Dear friends of the Simpson family, we had some sadness and some gladness this year. First the sadness, our little cat Snowball was unexpectedly run over and went to kitty heaven but we bought a new little cat Snowball II so I guess life goes on. Speaking of life going on Grampa is still with us feisty as ever, Maggie is walking by herself, Lisa got straight A's, and Bart... well we love Bart. The magic of the season has touched us all.

• [Final lines] 

  All : [singing]  Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer / Had a very shiny nose / And if you ever saw it / You might even say it glows...

  Bart : Like a lightbulb!

  Homer : Bart!

  All : All of the other reindeer / Used to laugh and call him names...

  Lisa Simpson : Like Schnozzola!

  Homer : Lisa!

  All : They never let poor Rudolph / Play in any reindeer games...

  Bart : Like strip poker!

  Homer : I'm warning you two...

  Marge : Then one foggy Christmas eve / Santa came to call... Take it, Homey!

  Homer : Uh, Rudolph get your nose over here / I'll let you guide my sleigh today!

  All : How all the reindeer loved him / As they shouted out with glee / Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer / You'll go down in history!

  Bart : Like Attila the Hun...

  [choking noises] 

  Homer : Why you little!

• Patty : It's almost nine o'clock.

  Selma : Where is Homer, anyway?

  Patty : It's typical of the big doofus to spoil it all.

  Lisa Simpson : What, Aunt Patty?

  Patty : Oh nothing, dear. I'm just trashing your father.

  Lisa Simpson : Well, I wish that you wouldn't. Because aside from the fact that he has the same frailties as all human beings, he's the only father I have. Therefore, he is my model of manhood, and my estimation of him will govern the prospects of my adult relationships. So I hope you bare in mind that any knock at him is a knock at me, and I am far too young to defend myself against such onslaughts.

  Patty : Mm-hm. Go watch your cartoon show, dear.

• [Bart and Lisa are writing their Christmas lists on the floor] 

  Marge Simpson : All right, children, let me have those letters, I'll mail them to Santa's workshop at the North Pole.

  Bart Simpson : Oh, please. There's only fat guy that brings us presents, and his name ain't Santa.

  [Lisa hands her list to Marge] 

  Marge Simpson : Uh --- A pony?

  [Lisa's list has "a pony" written on it five times] 

  Marge Simpson : Oh, Lisa you've asked for that for the past three years, and I keep telling you Santa can't fit a pony on his sleigh. Can't you take a hint?

  Lisa Simpson : But I really want a pony, and I've been really really good this year.

  Marge Simpson : Oh, dear, maybe Bart can be a little more realistic.

  [Marge grabs Bart's letter] 

  Marge Simpson : A tattoo?

  Homer Simpson : A what?

  [Homer overheard] 

  Bart Simpson : Yeah! There cool, and they last the rest of your life.

  Marge Simpson : You will not be getting any tattoos for Christmas.

  [Homer walks over] 

  Homer Simpson : Yeah, if you want one you're going to have to pay for it out of your own allowance.

  Bart Simpson : All right!

  Marge Simpson : Homer!

  [Looks at Homer with distain]