The Dukes of Hazzard (2005)

Johnny Knoxville: Luke Duke

Photos 

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Quotes 

• Uncle Jesse : What do you call a farmer with a sheep under each arm?

  Luke Duke : What?

  Uncle Jesse : A playboy.

• Uncle Jesse : [after Luke crashes through a police roadblock]  Give me your goddamn licence!

  Luke Duke : What license?

• Luke Duke : [while Bo and Luke are getting arrested in the courthouse]  Well, now, I guess the party's over.

  Boss Hogg : Dam right it is! As long as I'm the County Commissioner in the great State of Georgia, you two are gonna rot in the penitentiary. Cuff them!

  Daisy Duke : Excuse me, Rick Shankley? I believe the governor has a statement to make.

  Governor Jim Applewhite : I do?

  Daisy Duke : Yes, sir. You were going to tell everyone about how these boys are heroes for saving Hazzard County.

  Governor Jim Applewhite : As everyone knows, I have always been a great friend to the environment, and these boys are environmental heroes!

  Uncle Jesse : And you're going to pardon them for all of their crimes, huh?

  Governor Jim Applewhite : Moreover, as Governor, I hereby pardon these boys for any and all offenses against the great State of Georgia. Go 'Dogs!

  Uncle Jesse : Governor, I want to thank you for pardoning me too.

  Boss Hogg : Pardon you for what?

  Uncle Jesse : For this!

  [Uncle Jesse punches Boss Hogg in the mouth] 

  Governor Jim Applewhite : Oh, what the hell. I pardon him too!

• Cooter : [from the unrated version]  Here, take my truck.

  Luke Duke : Well, what if someone needed a tow?

  Cooter : well, if I can't "toe" 'em, i'll just finger 'em.

• Uncle Jesse : What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion?

  Luke Duke : What?

  Uncle Jesse : A piece of ass that brings a tear to your eye.

• Uncle Jesse : Why are divorces so expensive?

  Luke Duke : Why?

  Uncle Jesse : 'Cause they're *worth* it!

• Luke Duke : You thinkin' about throwin' that?

  Uncle Jesse : Oh, I'm gonna throw it... I was thinkin' about pussy.

• Uncle Jesse : You know why tornadoes and blonds are so much alike?

  Luke Duke : No.

  Uncle Jesse : At first, there's a lot of sucking and blowing, and then you lose your house.

• Bo Duke : Man, I'm never gonna get out of this car again! I'm gonna live in it, I'm gonna eat in it, and I'm gonna make sweet love to it!

  Luke Duke : You mean you're gonna make sweet love *in* it.

  Bo Duke : Oh no, I'm gonna have sex with it.

• Cooter : [from the edited version]  Here, take my truck.

  Luke Duke : Well, what if someone needed a tow?

  Cooter : I've had 9 tows in 3 years, and you boys have been 8 of 'em!

• Bo Duke : Hey Man, don't hit him! That's AJ Foyt!

  Luke Duke : Really?

  Race Car Driver #1 : The Fourth!

• Bo Duke : Man, I'm already tired of walking.

  Luke Duke : Yea, but you need the exercise though, them jeans are looking tighter than Daisy's.

• Luke Duke : Were you wearing an armadillo helmet when you said it?

• Bo Duke : [during car chase in Atlanta]  Okay where's the highway?

  Katie Johnson : I don't know don't you have a map?

  Luke Duke : Wait!

  [Luke pulls out a ma] 

  Luke Duke : i got it... Turn left up here. Tur left. turn left!

  [Bo turns right] 

  Luke Duke : Dammit! I said left!

  Bo Duke : I thought you said your left!

  Luke Duke : My left is your left!

  Bo Duke : I'm going to need these directions faster alright!

  Luke Duke : It's okay. I know exactly where wer'e at

  [Map flies out the window] 

• Luke Duke : [Uncle Jesse takes a big gulp of moonshine while being pursued by the police]  Stop that! Why are doin' that?

  Uncle Jesse : What I'm about to do, I don't want to remember a lot of it.

  [lights a wick in the jar and throws it at the police car chasing them] 

• Deputy Enos Strate : If Sheriff Rosco knew I was here, Boss Hogg would tan my hide.

  Luke Duke : He spanks you?

• Royce : Are you really Japanese?

  Luke Duke : Dammit, we are high-powered Japanese executives. We work hard and we play even harder. Now tell us what you see there or we'll find ourselves another candidate over at Georgia Polytech.

• Bo Duke : [makes sure none of the bottles of moonshine broke]  Looks like I won the bet, you son of a bitch.

  Luke Duke : Ah, c'mon!

  Bo Duke : I didn't break any bottles so I won the bet.

• Luke Duke : Yes. Yes. Wow. Ooh!

  [looking at guy on campus] 

  Luke Duke : [to Bo]  You've got to keep an open mind in college.

  [pats Bo on the rear] 

• [from trailer] 

  Luke Duke : Buckle up, ladies, this might get exciting.

• Bo Duke : Hey, Roscoe!

  Luke Duke : Hi, Boo-Boo!

• Luke Duke : The hell you do with them?

  Sheev : I make helmets. Armadillo helmets can block even the best brain-wave scanners. Make a pretty good soup bowl too.

• Tough Guy #1 : Why don't you two hillbillies join us up here for a minute?

  Luke Duke : Actually, we prefer Appalachian-Americans.